Note: Ain't Slayed Nobody is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

Y'ALL OF CTHULHU, EPISODE 12: WEEKEND AT BERTIE'S

cuppycup (Keeper): Ain’t Slayed Nobody is a produced actual play podcast intended for adults and may contain material that some people find disturbing. Please see the episode notes for content warnings and listen with care.

('DEAD MAN WALKING' BY CODY FRY PLAYS)
♪ I AM A DEAD MAN WALKIN' 
♪ I SEE THE LIGHT COMIN' 
♪ AND IT FEELS WARM ON MY FACE
♪ BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BURN ME DOWN

cuppycup (Keeper): When we pick up the action, Johnny, Father, Flint and Jeremiah, you're sitting on your horses inbetween a farmhouse and a partially-collapsed barn on what you believe to be the outskirts of Olvido. Ellie and Lance, who is unconscious, you're sitting atop Eric, our giant red-haired camel. Johnny and Father Flint, you both hear the sound of a crying baby.

Chuck (Johnny): Hmm.

Brandon (Flint): I don't trust that shit. No, no, no, no, no, no.

cuppycup (Keeper): The sound is small and muffled.

Wes (Jeremiah): That's even worse.

Johnny: Now folks, I hate to impede our progress, but should we go check on that crying baby? Doesn't seem like anybody's around.

Jeremiah: I think you're hearing things, I don't hear no crying baby.

Flint: I heard it. And I think...I think we should. Let's go look. 

Jeremiah: Hey Sheriff, you hear some crying baby out there?

Ellie: Of course I did. We all hear the crying baby.

cuppycup (Keeper): I don't think Ellie heard it.

Wes (Jeremiah): Well, you failed.

Alex (Ellie): Oh, yeah. Well, whatever. I'm very high on this camel, so.

cuppycup (Keeper): Can you elaborate on being high?

Alex (Ellie): The altitude, the sound waves are reaching me up here.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny and Father Flint, you are sure that that crying is coming from inside the barn. Again, the crying is muffled, much more dampening than you'd expect from these old barn walls. The barn is now about 10 feet behind you, on your left-hand side.

Chuck (Johnny): Then that's the way we're headin'.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, you approach the barn. It is unpainted and the wood is weather-damaged and splintered all across the face. I mentioned that the roof is partially-collapsed; that's on the side nearest to you. It might look to Jeremiah like this roof was collapsed by snow, but they're not getting any snow out here. It must have been something else. There's a large sliding door on the front that's secured by this iron latch and lock. It looks pretty solid.

Chuck (Johnny): I think I would like to hold a glass up to the door and listen through it.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you don't have a glass handy, but without rolling, when you move your ear close to the door and maybe even walk around the barn a bit, you do hear the crying and it's growing a bit louder than before. You think this crying must be coming from somewhere near the back of the barn?

Johnny: Sheriff, it sounds like there might be somebody in distress in here, should we go check it out?

Ellie: Yeah, if you're sure, Johnny. It's suspicious.

Brandon (Flint): Well, we know that it's bad. We know that it's not a baby! 

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny takes out his Red Ryder BB rifle and tries to shoot the lock.

Alex (Ellie): Wait, wait. Should we knock first?

Chuck (Johnny): *incredulous* Should we knock first?

Wes (Jeremiah): Can we collectively use our strength and throw Lance through the doors since he's in a coma?

Brandon (Flint): I'll roll for that right now. What do I need to roll?

Chuck (Johnny): *bad Irish accent* open up the fucking doors.

Alex (Ellie): You know he'd try to kick the door in if he was conscious.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, we'll throw him feet first. We're not monsters.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, we're not dicks. *laughs*

cuppycup (Keeper): *amused* So you all agree to use Lance as a battering ram?

Brandon (Flint): Yes. 

Chuck (Johnny): Yes. Yes. Yes, we do.

Brandon (Flint): So you guys are really going to do it? I didn't think y'all were going to do it, OK. *laughs*

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. Jeremiah's BOUT OF MADNESS, the disregard for unconscious Lance, that seems to have affected the whole party. Now, Ellie, are you going to ask Eric to lower you and Lance to the ground?

Alex (Ellie): Oh, man. OK, yes. I'm going to ask the camel to lower us. I'm going to stroke Eric's hair and say, "Eric, shhh." 

Chuck (Johnny): I'm thinking this is like "Ratatouille" and you hold on to his hair and make him do different things.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, exactly! 

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* you should do that with Lance instead. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh shit! *laughs* Lancetouille.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, I really like where this is going. Eric lowers Ellie and Lance and you're all near this barn door now. One of you had suggested that this is a collective STRENGTH check and I think that's perfect. All 4 of you roll for STRENGTH, and if 3 of you pass, this just works.

Chuck (Johnny): Well, Johnny failed. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Of course. 

Chuck (Johnny): As usual. 

Brandon (Flint): REGULAR SUCCESS.

Alex (Ellie): I got a 25. SUCCESS. 

Wes (Jeremiah): I got a 32, so yeah, we did it. 

Brandon (Flint): We did it.

cuppycup (Keeper): What does this look like?

Chuck (Johnny): I like to think when they swing Lance forward, I actually get jerked off of my feet. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Phrasing.

Chuck (Johnny): *exasperated* Oh, come on.

Brandon (Flint): I think we're each grabbing a limb and we're each kind of doing a "one, two, three, heave".

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, I like that.

Alex (Ellie): I think that'll get the job done.

cuppycup (Keeper): You bash Lance into this barn door as Johnny gets lifted into the air, and the latch caves in. With a thud, that door comes off of the sliding track and it tilts slowly before crashing to the ground. You hear the wings of large birds flying off in the racket; maybe they were vultures? But you don't see them. I think since Ellie has the highest STRENGTH and had a good roll, Alex, I'm going to ask you to roll a d2 to see if Lance is going to take additional damage here.

Alex (Ellie): I rolled a 1.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Lance takes another point of damage and he's down to 4. You all went in pretty aggressively and he hit the door hard. Thankfully, Johnny didn't contribute any muscle to that. The sunlight shining in through the roof and the doorway is enough to see most of this barn, and it's mostly empty. You see wooden beams running in every direction supporting the barn. And the floor is covered mostly in straw. But there are some sections of exposed dusty wood planks, especially at the front end of the barn, which, the floor, it gradually becomes just dirt as you walk in further. On the walls nearest you here, you see hand-held farming tools: a shovel, some garden forks and spades, a hand rake, and you also see the outlines of missing tools, where the wall isn't quite as discolored. Another shovel, a pick ax, a sickle and so on. Off to your right, there are the remnants of four animal stalls; it looks like this is where that roof collapsed. And it seems that these haven't been used for a long time. They are in total disrepair, not just from the roof. Straight ahead, on the western side of the barn, you see stacks of crates. These wooden crates are stacked maybe 4 or 5 crates high, and they fill out a square section in the rear of the barn. From where you're standing, the crates look like they might be empty, but you can't really tell.

Johnny: All right, y'all want to help me find the secret entrance that's under these crates, or am I doing this alone?

Brandon (Flint): Can we hear the baby still now that we're inside?

cuppycup (Keeper): Everyone except for Lance can now hear the crying baby and the cries are coming from the direction of those crates. It is a calmer cry now, like the baby has been soothed in some way.

Johnny: Well, there it is. Let's find the entrance to the horrible thing that is going on down here.

Brandon (Flint): *sarcastic* Oh, no, a baby accidentally got left underneath a pile of crates. I'm sure this is going to be a normal baby. 

Chuck (Johnny): Tale as old as time. *laughs* 

Brandon (Flint): What else is on the walls? Can I just, like, grab something off the wall? What else is there, before we do anything there? Is there like a shovel or something?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, there was a shovel right when you walked in on the wall there.

Brandon (Flint): Got it. I'll grab the shovel if everyone's OK with that, just so I can like, hold something. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Just for comfort. Sure.

Brandon (Flint): *chuckles* Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): You grab the shovel, Father, and you can't help but notice that the point is rounded off, it's nubby. This is a well-worn shovel.

Brandon (Flint): Great, thank you.

Chuck (Johnny): He's saying they used that shovel to dig the horrible thing that we're about to find.

cuppycup (Keeper): And Father, as you start to walk away from the wall of tools, your foot does kick something that's partly concealed by some hay. And if you kind of kick the hay off of it, you realize this is the sickle that was missing from the wall, just a sickle with a short handle and a curved blade.

Brandon (Flint): And I took that. 

cuppycup (Keeper): *amused* OK, you're dual-wielding a shovel and a sickle. 

Brandon (Flint): Fuck yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): All of you notice as you approach the crate area that there's folded white clothing, it looks like coveralls, there on a work table just beyond the crates. 

Brandon (Flint): Like yell leaders? 

cuppycup (Keeper): They're neatly pressed and folded.

Chuck (Johnny): So, yes, yell leaders. 

Johnny: Y'all reckon we should put on those coveralls before we uncover what kind of Sicario bullshit is going on down here?

cuppycup (Keeper): I didn't even consider the possibility that you'd wear them now, but I love it.

Chuck (Johnny): Why would we not? I'm putting some fucking coveralls. *laughs*

Alex (Ellie): Yeah. Let's put 'em on! We can all look like Fireball Mario.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, nice.

Chuck (Johnny): Out of context, it is very funny that four strangers just broke into this barn, heard a baby crying and they're like, well, better put on these coveralls. *laughs*

Alex (Ellie): We deserve clean clothing. It's been a journey.

Chuck (Johnny): We're about to uncover a crawlspace full of bodies. Why would we not put on the coveralls?

Brandon (Flint): Am I also wearing the collar? Am I able to do that?

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, yeah.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah.

Brandon (Flint): OK, great. Just to make sure that people are aware that I'm a priest. Yeah.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. Now we start uncovering the horrifying awfulness.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright, I'm ready to die now.

cuppycup (Keeper): What are you doing with these crates, then?

Chuck (Johnny): I'm giving them the old heave ho. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, you can start throwing crates off the pile until you reach a dirt floor.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): Now the dirt here is interesting, because it looks like fresh dirt. Maybe it reminds you of a freshly-dug grave, but it's small.

Jeremiah: Alright, fuck this.

cuppycup (Keeper): And you don't hear the baby crying at this moment.

Chuck (Johnny): *heavy sigh* I don't know if I have the stomach for this tonight. I guess I'm going to hand-dig, to see if somebody just buried a baby. I'm not going to put a shovel into it.

cuppycup (Keeper): That might be a good call. Are the rest of you standing around watching Johnny dig?

Brandon (Flint): Yeah. *laughs* Do you need to help? I mean, what do you want me to do? 

cuppycup (Keeper): The worst part is that Johnny just had a bath and now he's down digging in the dirt with his hands.

Chuck (Johnny): And more importantly, I'm ruining my gleaming white coveralls.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, those are getting filthy, Johnny. And the rest of you, though, look pristine as you just stand there. Johnny is digging and digging and digging and his hands are moving through the soft dirt, when finally your fingers begin scratching at wood. You've hit something solid and you can't really dig anymore.

Chuck (Johnny): OK. 

cuppycup (Keeper): As you run your fingers around the edges, Johnny, you think this is another crate or some kind of box?

Chuck (Johnny): Alright, I would like to unearth the box and open it up.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny continues to dig as everyone stands around, and he eventually removes enough dirt so that he can lift the crate.

Chuck (Johnny): Sure. Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): And, Johnny, you're sure this is a crate now and you can take that out of the ground.

Chuck (Johnny): *nervous* Uh uh.

cuppycup (Keeper): You do hear gentle crying now. Do you want to take the crate out of the ground?

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, I think so. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you set the crate down next to the hole you dug and notice that this one has a hinged lid, which is unlike the ones from the pile, maybe someone added a new top to this one. The slats on the crate are very close together, but you can see something moving inside.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, we're going to open up the crate.

Wes (Jeremiah): You sure you want to do that?

Chuck (Johnny): No, I'm not. But this is happening. It's not like we're going to walk away right now.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright, fuck it.

Chuck (Johnny): "Welp, I found a crying crate" and then we just leave. *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): As Johnny lifts the lid and more of that dirt rolls off, the hinges creak slightly and the crying fades entirely.

Chuck (Johnny): *resigned* Glad to see me. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you are looking straight down into this crate.

Chuck (Johnny): Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

cuppycup (Keeper): At a baby swaddled in a blanket. There's even a little bottle of milk inside, looks like it's about half empty. That's all. The baby has a little room to squirm, but not much. And this baby is looking at you, Johnny, with piercing green eyes.

Chuck (Johnny): And they're not like cat's eyes or have, like, lizard eyelids or anything, right? It's just a human.

cuppycup (Keeper): This baby looks very human to you, Johnny, perhaps a little malnourished and pale. But you did find it buried in a crate inside an abandoned barn, after all.

Jeremiah: You got any holy water, Father? You want to sprinkle some on this thing?

Brandon (Flint): Yeah. I would assume that with a blessing, with a Christian blessing over a demon, that the demon would emerge.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. 

Chuck (Johnny): That seems sound, yes.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah.

Brandon (Flint): But by me doing this blessing and nothing happening, then it's just normal baby.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. *laughs* Father Flint holds his sickle over the baby and performs a blessing and nothing happens. You're all getting a good look at the baby now. It's bald and scrawny. The eyes look a bit sunken. The baby doesn't look particularly well-fed and healthy.

Chuck (Johnny): *sarcastic* The baby that we found under the ground wasn't well-fed and healthy? 

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* Correct.

Chuck (Johnny): Ok, I am naming this child Bertrand, and I'm taking him with us.

Alex (Ellie): I'll pick up the bottle of milk too. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, sure, that's fine.

Brandon (Flint): If someone else is taking the baby, it's not my responsibility, so take the baby.

Alex (Ellie): Classic Father Flint.

Wes (Jeremiah): Jeremiah starts screaming at the baby, like,

Jeremiah: "Tell us about what happened to Ellie's father!"

Alex (Ellie): I'm going to try to feed the baby from the bottle.

cuppycup (Keeper): The baby rejects the bottle.

Chuck (Johnny): Is this a girl or a boy?

cuppycup (Keeper): Should we have a gender reveal party?

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* Let's have a gender reveal. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, we can start a big ass forest fire.

Alex (Ellie): Can we unswaddle it to make sure that it... 

Chuck (Johnny): Doesn't have, like, tentacles and stuff? That's probably a good call.

Alex (Ellie): Yeah. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. As Johnny holds Bertram, you unswaddle the blanket and give me a MEDICINE roll for Ellie while we're doing this.

Alex (Ellie): I rolled 32. I only have 1% in MEDICINE.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, it was a long shot but you still notice some things without the roll. I mentioned that the baby is gaunt and you do see a little incision scar on the abdomen.

Alex (Ellie): Is it infected or bleeding or otherwise concerning?.

cuppycup (Keeper): It might strike you as odd that this what you think is a 4-6 month old baby has this scar. But best you can tell, this was done by a trained doctor.

cuppycup (Keeper): This baby has a navel and everything else looks normal.

Chuck (Johnny): *skeptical* OK... 

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me a d2 roll for Ellie. Let's see if the baby's male or female.

Alex (Ellie): That's a 2.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, congratulations! This is a baby girl. 

Chuck (Johnny): And I'm still naming her Bertram.

cuppycup (Keeper): Naturally. 

Johnny: Bertram. Bertram. Everyone I'd like you to meet my daughter Bertram. She is matriculating to Mnah Mnah, should they ever allow us back in that city again.

Jeremiah: I feel like you're putting undue pressure on the child at a young age to matriculate where you want the baby to go, but not where the baby wants itself to go.

Johnny: As long as she is living under my roof or under this dirt that we found her, she'll abide by my rules.

Ellie: That's fine, but I'm going to call her Bertie.

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, that's cute. Yeah, that's a sweet name.

Alex (Ellie): Yeah, I'm a mom. I know how to do these things.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, I know what's up.

Brandon (Flint): And if the baby ever dies, we can do a "Bye Bye Bertie" episode, it'll be great.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh my God.

Jeremiah: Oh wow.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, I'd use that.

Brandon (Flint): So you're saying the baby's going to die? 

cuppycup (Keeper): No. Well it's really up to you, isn't it? At this point. 

Chuck (Johnny): There's so much more weight to this podcast than there was like 20 minutes ago.

cuppycup (Keeper): You have a baby. It's a lot of responsibility.

Johnny: I guess we should check inside the farmhouse to see if we can find the parents of this child that was buried in the ground. Here's the thing, everyone. As a group, I just wanted to clarify that that like a week ago would have been the craziest fucking thing I ever said. And now it's like Thursday.

Wes (Jeremiah): Hey, is that tablet doing anything next to the baby?

Chuck (Johnny): You know what? Sure. Let's check that out. How's my belt buckle doing? *laughs*. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. Let's see if the baby reacts to any inventory items. *chuckles*

Johnny: *"talking to a baby" voice* Here, look at the little belt buckle. Look at the belt buckle.

cuppycup (Keeper): As Johnny waves the tablet over Bertie's head, she's tracking it, maybe like a mobile in a crib. But there's nothing concerning happening.

Chuck (Johnny): But the important thing is that her visual acuity is on point, so I feel like she's scoring well on her first Apgar test.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. Let's fill out some paperwork before you see the doctor.

Wes (Jeremiah): What percentile is the baby in that? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Bertie's percentile in that's fine, but weight and length will be pretty low, I imagine. Given the circumstances, she's doing OK.

Chuck (Johnny): Yes, she seems to be doing pretty good, yeah. 

cuppycup (Keeper): She's a little bit dirty.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, well, that makes sense. Aren't we all? Like father, like daughter. I have like a coat or something, like an overcoat, right?

cuppycup (Keeper): You do.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, I wanted to take that off and make it into a Baby Bjorn.

Wes (Jeremiah): Hmm. Nice,

Chuck (Johnny): Because I need to go hands free with this kid, but I'm not putting her down. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Old West hangover? 

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah. Or like a little baby bandolier.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. I'll let you fashion a baby carrier out of your coat. You don't have to roll for that. Are you wearing Bertie on your chest or your back?

Chuck (Johnny): I mean, I have opened up my shirt to get skin to skin because that's how we bond.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, Bertie probably likes that. Johnny, you have this whole new sense of responsibility.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm a parent now. I have to put my previous ways behind me.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, Johnny, just yesterday you were ready to die. 

Chuck (Johnny): And now Johnny has to live. He's living for someone else. *laughs*

Brandon (Flint): It's fucking hilarious.

cuppycup (Keeper): So to sum up, Bertie is not the healthiest baby you've ever seen. But she's not dying or... 

Chuck (Johnny): Evil.

cuppycup (Keeper): Evil is really up to you now. This is your baby.

Chuck (Johnny): That's true. I'm raising a child now.

Brandon (Flint): Alright, let's get back on the road.

Chuck (Johnny): Should we go check the farmhouse to see if the parents are around?

Jeremiah: Yeah, I reckon that's a good idea.

Ellie: And then take them to jail.

Jeremiah: I say we bury them.

Ellie: I mean, maybe the parents had nothing to do with it. We need to check the farmhouse to see if they're tied up or hurt.

Johnny: Yes, I like that version where they're not evil. Let's do that.

Jeremiah: Yeah, let's find them.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, all of you leave the barn with the baby to check on the farmhouse. Maybe you drag Lance out of there as well.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, 100%.

cuppycup (Keeper): You cross the road and you're standing at the back of the farmhouse. The door here is rather minimal. It's a very thin sheet of wood with a screen.

Johnny: I'm going to let you all go first while I protect Bertram.

Brandon (Flint): Where is Lance? Can we throw Lance in?

Chuck (Johnny): No, he's like a flash bang. We're throwing him in there.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah. I mean, honestly, why not? What's going to happen? 

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* To clear the room. 

Brandon (Flint): Let's do it.

cuppycup (Keeper): To see if monsters descend on his body? *laughs*

Chuck (Johnny): But I love the image of like every time we go, do we throw him in there first and then wait 5 seconds? *laughs*

Jeremiah: Is he dead?

cuppycup (Keeper): Just looking to see if he's still breathing. OK, that's good. Do you want to do that? Because that's really funny.

Brandon (Flint): Yes.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, so we do that.

cuppycup (Keeper): Well, Johnny I think was staying back with Bertie, and he doesn't have any STRENGTH anyway. Is it just the 3 of you?

Brandon (Flint): Same way. I can hold both his arms this time if we only have 3 people doing it.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah. Ellie and I'll take a leg each.

Alex (Ellie): We'll just slide him in feet first after swinging him back and forth for momentum. 

cuppycup (Keeper): The three of you toss Lance into the room and he's just lying there, unconscious on the floor a few feet into this room. Nothing is happening. You don't hear anyone reacting to the sound of Lance's chin hitting the floor. Just some dust that got stirred up. That's all you see.

Jeremiah: Is it clear, Lance? *fake Irish accent* "Aye, it is."

cuppycup (Keeper): You're walking into what looks like a kitchen and you're probably walking around Lance. It is a kitchen. There's a table with four chairs; against one wall, there's a potbelly stove. You see cooking utensils on a countertop. It's really the basics of living out here. You don't see any real attempt at décor.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright, what's our budget?

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* Are you going to take out a wall and go open concept?

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, I was thinking about listing it, honestly.

Brandon (Flint): While we're in the kitchen, can we kind of poke around maybe a pantry or something, see if there's food that we can just kind of put in our pockets, now that we're feeding another human?

cuppycup (Keeper): Sure, Father Flint pokes around on the countertop and picks through the cupboards. You find a moldy half loaf of bread, some more dried meat, you can never have too much jerky. And to your delight, there is a little basket of fresh blackberries.

Brandon (Flint): Yum. I mean, my follow up question is because, I mean, I don't know how we're going to feed this kid, is there like an equivalent of an ice box in this day and age, like where would milk be kept, if there was any?

cuppycup (Keeper): They probably are not storing milk. There's no icebox to be seen.

Wes (Jeremiah): Is there another room?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, that's right. There's a door here leading into another room of the house.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. Jeremiah's going to go through and check out the other room. First, he's going to pick up Lance and throw him through the fucking door. Do I need a roll?

cuppycup (Keeper): I'll let you do this on your own, but give me a STRENGTH roll. We'll see how far he goes.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, hardcore FAILED that with a 94.

cuppycup (Keeper): At least you didn't FUMBLE. I won't take any more HIT POINTS for that. Yeah, that door was a little sturdier than you'd hoped.

Wes (Jeremiah): He just lands against the door and slides down. *laughs*

Jeremiah: OK, thanks Lance.

Wes (Jeremiah): I step over Lance and walk in. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, this is the bedroom and it is a mess. There are two small unmade beds and the floor is very dirty, very dusty. There is a fireplace in this room.

Chuck (Johnny): Does it have a damper?

cuppycup (Keeper): Maybe. Jeremiah, do you want to look for the damper?

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, sure. Let me do a SPOT HIDDEN on the fireplace.

cuppycup (Keeper): Nah, you don't even need to roll for it. If you walk over to the fireplace, Jeremiah, you'd know that this has been used recently. The coals are not hot, but they're slightly warm.

Jeremiah: I reckon somebody has been in here with the fire.

Johnny: *hollers* OK.

Jeremiah: *hollers* Alright, guys, just checking.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Jeremiah, as you're taking in the mess, you see men's and women's clothing making kind of a trail toward a standing wardrobe on the back wall.

Wes (Jeremiah): Can I bust up that chifforobe with my pickax, is there any, like, is there anything in there? I just want to open it. I was just making it a "To Kill a Mockingbird" reference.

cuppycup (Keeper): You open up the wardrobe and noticed that the clothing in here is a bit more respectable than the clothes scattered all over the room.

Wes (Jeremiah): What kind of respectable clothing are we talking about?

cuppycup (Keeper): You see waistcoats and vests, shirts and trousers and ties. You could put together a pretty fine suit from what's in here. There's also women's clothing, blouses, frocks, bonnets, more coats. It's a big wardrobe.

Wes (Jeremiah): Does this shit fit Jeremiah?

cuppycup (Keeper): Uh, give me a LUCK roll. You don't have very much, though.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah. I got a 12! I passed! *laughs*

cuppycup (Keeper): That's amazing. Your LUCK is 13. That's beautiful.

Wes (Jeremiah): *laughs* Yeah, I know.

cuppycup (Keeper): Well, Jeremiah, as you know, you're an unusual size. You're a huge man, but you have this severe hunch and it's really difficult to find proper fitted clothing. But on the 12, I'm going to say the men's and women's clothing in this wardrobe will fit you.

Wes (Jeremiah): Jeremiah's always wanted to look nice because he's a miner. He's always been, you know, kind of dirty and whatnot. Yeah, so Jeremiah throws a suit on and he takes the coveralls off and folds them up and puts them on Lance's body, like, "this one's for you, buddy. You can wear these when you wake up," and then puts on a nice suit and walks out and presents himself.

Flint: Oh, twirl for us! Twirl for us! Wow! 

Jeremiah: Do you like it?

Ellie: You look real sharp, Jeremiah.

Jeremiah: Let's go back to that courthouse and show 'em what's what. 

cuppycup (Keeper): It's like Pretty Woman. Give me a d10 roll for Jeremiah.

Wes (Jeremiah): And the roll is 7.

cuppycup (Keeper): Alright, add 7 points to your APPEARANCE score when you wear the suit.

Chuck (Johnny): Nice.

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm sure that's against the rules, so let's just call that a house rule. We play fast and loose with APPEARANCE. What do you want to do with Lance? If anything?

Chuck (Johnny): We're dressing him. He's part of the team. *laughs*

cuppycup (Keeper): That's not exactly what I was thinking, but you can get Lance into those white coveralls. Jeremiah, when you turned to twirl for everyone, you noticed something you missed before. In the corner, there was a rocking cradle buried under some of that clothing.

Wes (Jeremiah): Are there any baby clothes or anything in there like that we could take for the child?

cuppycup (Keeper): Absolutely not. It was covered in adult clothing. It's just an empty cradle.

Wes (Jeremiah): There are mattresses, you're saying, and there's a whole bunch of, like messy sheets on top of the on top of the beds? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, sure.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. Can we, like, look under the mattresses and see if there's anything in there? Like, under the beds?

cuppycup (Keeper): You can toss the room if you'd like. As Jeremiah scavenges the room, you do find in a drawer beneath the wardrobe, there are some medical supplies and you find gauze and bandages and some ointments.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm ganking all of that.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, you do have an unconscious friend. 

Chuck (Johnny): They're for the baby.

cuppycup (Keeper): I imagine you said that directly to Lance to scold him.

Wes (Jeremiah): Are we spending the weekend here? Is this "Weekend at Bertie's"?

Alex (Ellie): Oh god.

cuppycup (Keeper): It is Sunday, so the name tracks. One other thing you found under one of those mattresses, Jeremiah, as you were tossing the room, you discovered a Holy Cross.

Jeremiah: Hey, Father, I think this might interest you.

Brandon (Flint): Does it have a Jesus on it or is it just a plain cross?

cuppycup (Keeper): No, it's just a plain cross. No figures, and it's pretty small.

Flint: Oh, I don't believe in those.

cuppycup (Keeper): It looks like it might be silver. It's pretty nice.

Brandon (Flint): I reluctantly take the heathen cross.

Chuck (Johnny): How is Bertram reacting to the cross?

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, good call.

cuppycup (Keeper): Bertie doesn't react. This is a theme. So four of you, including Lance, are dressed in white coveralls. Jeremiah is dressed to the nines in a nice suit and he's carrying medical supplies that he just found. What would you like to do?

Ellie: Hey, Jeremiah, can you lend me those medical supplies for a minute?

Jeremiah: Yeah, I reckon this is as good a place as any to fix old Lance up. We've been tossing him around.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, I was waiting. You can try to bring Lance back to consciousness here; he's got a bullet somewhere in his abdomen and he's lost a lot of blood.

Alex (Ellie): I'll just stuff the wound with gauze and apply ointment and wrap the whole thing up. 

Wes (Jeremiah): What is this, like Zelda? Do bandages fix comas?

cuppycup (Keeper): No, but there's not much else you can do besides care for the wound right now. This is probably going to be infected at some point if you don't see a real doctor, but you can do the best that you can.

Chuck (Johnny): The odds of him living long enough for lead poisoning to be an issue are pretty slim anyway.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Alex, give me a FIRST AID roll for Ellie.

Alex (Ellie): Oh, that's 18. A SUCCESS. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Very good. Lance recovers 1 HIT POINT, and more important than that, he is beginning to regain consciousness.

Ellie: There you go. Good as new. Sort of.

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* I'm picturing you start to do this and blood starts shooting up in the air and you're like, "I got it. I got it!"

Wes (Jeremiah): "Oh, Christ! Hold on!"

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, you're crumpled on the dirt in Canutillo and you're near the bank; this is where Ellie had shot you in the head at point blank range. You feel like you shouldn't even be alive right now. But here you are lying with your eyes open as the world spins. This obscure, grey shape you've noticed, it's kneeling above you and it looks and feels like it's working on your abdomen, but Ellie shot you in the head, so that's peculiar. The shape, maybe it's a person, it has this aura around it, like a black mist and it's binding the shape to the infinite expanse of night behind it. Now, gradually, the outline grows clearer and you realize that the shape is actually Ellie at your side. She's framed by this misty glow, which makes her body seem like some surreal abstraction. It's hard to explain, but the aura is vivid but dull at the same time. It's like vibrant decay. Lance, you feel like you've taken several knocks on the head, but it's really your stomach that's hurting now and Ellie's hands, they're ice cold, and that's in contrast to the warmth of your own blood. The sensation is unnerving, but at least it's sensation. Lance, you noticed that beyond Ellie, in the black night sky, celestial bodies are beginning to converge in what must be a hallucination you're having. Planets are crossing the void of a constellation. It's like two eyeballs racing to roll into an empty socket. You lie there mesmerized in a daze, Lance, and you fixate on this astonishing event that's happening in the sky, and this convergence, it grows larger and clearer. And now you're staring straight into this merged orb. Lance, the pale sunlight begins to filter in around the orb. It's like an eclipse. And as the fog of unconsciousness slowly lifts, you realize that this orb you're looking at is the face of a baby.

Johnny: Say hi to uncle Lancie! 

Lance: What the fuck is going on? 

Johnny: Mind your tongue around the child.

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, you have a splitting headache right now.

Lance: Ow. 

Alex (Ellie): Does Lance still see the mist thing happening with Ellie?

Jay (Lance): I don't know, do I? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Nope. Ellie looks like her usual self. 

Alex (Ellie): Well, that's a relief.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. Lance, you can try to reclaim Eric if you'd like.

Jay (Lance): OK, so I'm strong enough to ride him? 

cuppycup (Keeper): You're feeling groggy, but, yeah, you can ride. 

Jay (Lance): OK, I'm good with that.

cuppycup (Keeper): Erik's glad you're back. He kneels down for Lance.

Jay (Lance): We're already bonded.

Johnny: Are y'all ready to head to Olvido?

Flint: Let's go.

Jeremiah: Oh, yeah.

Johnny: Cool.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ellie, are you going to ride with Eric and Lance or do something else?

Alex (Ellie): Can I ride with Johnny and hold the baby? I think it's suspicious for a man to be holding a baby in this day and age. It's going to look like he kidnaped the baby.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, sure, you can do whatever you like.

Chuck (Johnny): This is like me every time I take my daughter to the park and people are like, oh, well, he's definitely here to steal children. 

Alex (Ellie): In this day and age, it's a very mean point of view. I just mean in this setting that we're in.

Chuck (Johnny): No, I totally dig it. It's fine.

Alex (Ellie): It just makes no sense for a man to be holding a baby. We're going to look suspicious.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. You are heading to an unknown town in the 1890s. Johnny, are you going to give up Bertie and that Baby Bjorn you made? 

Chuck (Johnny): Are we going to do a STRENGTH contest here? What are we doing?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, y'all can do whatever opposed rolls you like. *laughs* 

Brandon (Flint): That'd be great, actually.

cuppycup (Keeper): Can y'all PERSUADE the baby? 

Wes (Jeremiah): Call the baby. Whoever the baby comes to...

cuppycup (Keeper): You could just let Ellie hold the baby until you get to town, Johnny.

Alex (Ellie): Yeah, you could just do that.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. I will very, very reluctantly give Ellie my child.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me a THROW roll. *laughs* Alright, so I'll assume you're doing that delicately.

Chuck (Johnny): Enjoy your Molotov baby!

cuppycup (Keeper): We seem mostly situated now. Would you like to head north on the trail then?

Chuck (Johnny): Is that the direction of Olvido? Because yes.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. And by your estimation, Johnny, this farmhouse was just beyond the outskirts of Olvido. You're all riding along for less than an hour before you come upon this wooden bridge that crosses the Rio Grande.

Chuck (Johnny): Well la-di-dah.

cuppycup (Keeper): This bridge is rather high and the river is running through a deep gorge beneath the bridge. It strikes you that this is a bridge to nowhere, in the sense that there's not a clear road on the other side. It's like they just stopped building. You do, however, see a town sprouting from the dirt against the not-so-distant horizon, which is formed by this small but steep mountainside. It looks like this town is nestled against the mountains. 

Brandon (Flint): Does Johnny recommends crossing that bridge, as the navigator?

Chuck (Johnny): Can I take a closer look at that bridge, does anything look amiss? We've had some trouble with bridges in the past.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, and this bridge is really high above the river, so you don't want to make any mistakes. Give me a SPOT HIDDEN roll for Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): That is barely a SUCCESS at like 68. 

cuppycup (Keeper): The bridge appears to be structurally sound, but that's just an eyeball test. Johnny, you do notice some carvings on the wooden posts along the bridge. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And they look like what? So that I can repeat that to my friends.

cuppycup (Keeper): Some of them look like the symbol you saw arranged inside that stone circle near the goat-headed effigy. That was just after you left Canutillo before Sparky's cabin.

Chuck (Johnny): Boy, that's been a while. I mean, like three days.

Johnny: Y'all, they got that same symbol we saw at that goat skull. 

Jeremiah: I don't like that much. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And you all might remember Johnny drew that symbol for you in the dirt. It looks like the stem and veins of a leaf. Some of the symbols look like they've been scratched out and re-carved and scratched out again, so the symbols are kind of scattered all over the columns of this bridge.

Chuck (Johnny): What you want to do is remove a lot of material from columns. As I approach the bridge, I have my belt buckle tablet out in one hand and I have Bertram out in my other hand and I'm looking to see if either of them is reacting to approaching this bridge. *laughs*

Jeremiah: Just got a handful of swaddle and holding it forward?

cuppycup (Keeper): Is that OK with you, Ellie?

Alex (Ellie): Yeah, that's fine.

cuppycup (Keeper): Neither is reacting to the symbols. As you sit at the end of the bridge, everyone give me a LISTEN roll

Chuck (Johnny): I just rolled a 4.

Alex (Ellie): Oh, my God, I did, too! I rolled a 4.

Chuck (Johnny): Wow.

Brandon (Flint): I got a 25, so I hit it.

Wes (Jeremiah): This is a listen roll? I FAILED.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah, you're too fixated on this new outfit to notice anything else.

Wes (Jeremiah): I look sick.

cuppycup (Keeper): Father Flint, you do hear something. But Johnny and Ellie, I would say you don't just hear this. You experience this in a much deeper way.

Chuck (Johnny): The sheriff and I are holding hands and like sharing sonic notes. And we can hear like caterpillars walking on the ground.

cuppycup (Keeper): You hear music. And it's being played by a band coming from the direction of that town over the bridge. But you might even hesitate to call this music rather than just noise.

Chuck (Johnny): Is it like Bjork? 

cuppycup (Keeper): These are broken notes.

Chuck (Johnny): So it is like Bjork.

cuppycup (Keeper): This is not melodic. Maybe it's like a marching band without any training. You don't see anyone playing the music yet, but you can make out some of the instruments or instrument groups, horns and strings and woodwinds and drums.

Johnny: Y'all reckon we ought to head across to Olvido? It sounds like somebody is hitting a bag of rats, but if we're going to get get on with this thing...

cuppycup (Keeper): When Johnny announces that, Jeremiah and Lance, you do hear a faint sound of unpleasant music coming from the town ahead. 

Jeremiah: It's like two marching bands fighting. 

Johnny: Seeing as I am now a father, it is important to me that I ensure this bridge is safe before I attempt the crossing with Bertie.

Jeremiah: Are you adopting this one? 

Johnny: Are you?

Jeremiah: I did not say I was or was not, although I am the best dressed here, so I would be more likely to provide a better, you know, standard of living for her.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright, so Jeremiah's going first.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm going to ride into Olvido like a general.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. *laughs* 

Wes (Jeremiah): Let's go. I'm dressed well, we're gonna fucking go. 

Chuck (Johnny): His pickax drawn like a sword.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah!

cuppycup (Keeper): What's your order as you cross into Olvido? 

Jeremiah: We're going to cross the bridge! 

Brandon (Flint): You meant order of people? I'll go next, if that's a primary concern. I'll go second.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, it's not a huge concern. I just want to know what this looks like.

Brandon (Flint): It sounds like a big concern.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm going after Father Flint. I'm trying to stay in the middle where we can protect Bertie as much as possible.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Are you hanging a "baby on board" sticker off your horse?

Chuck (Johnny): I should.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, so it's Jeremiah, then Flint, then Johnny.

Alex (Ellie): I'm still riding with Johnny, so I'll be behind him. 

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* So you can catch Bertie when Johnny gets shot.

Alex (Ellie): Yes. Finally give her the maternal love she deserves. *laughs* I named her.

Chuck (Johnny): I feel like my fatherly instincts are being called into question here.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, you and Ellie were riding partners for a long time, so it makes sense that you have this familial unit.

Chuck (Johnny): So we've created a little, like, atypical American family here.

Alex (Ellie): Yeah. *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): You're all riding in then, and Lance and Eric are bringing up the rear, he way this all shook out. 

Jay (Lance): Sounds perfect to me.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, so the bridge creaks and echoes as you ride over one at a time. The river is meandering far beneath you, but the bridge holds, thankfully. The music is getting louder now and it's disconcerting.

Jay (Lance): They have the keytar going.

Alex (Ellie): Do you mean it sounds like minor chords? Is it a bad band or sad music? What do you mean?

cuppycup (Keeper): It's not just minor chords. The music is atonal. Is this even music?

Chuck (Johnny): So it's like dissonant.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, it is. The music is quite difficult to listen to and the closer you get, the more grating it is.

Jeremiah: You guys get the suspicion that maybe something's up?

Johnny: Yeah, it has been a week and I'm starting to feel like we're nearing the end of our journey.

cuppycup (Keeper): But Johnny and Ellie, you rolled EXTREME SUCCESSES on your LISTEN rolls just a moment ago. Now, as you're approaching, you're not just hearing these sounds. You're experiencing something like synesthesia, but it's more fleeting. You see the music and maybe it's hitting all five of your senses.

Jeremiah: Yeah. I mean, something just don't smell right. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, the world is darkening little by little. As each note hits your ears, you're beginning to see what you might describe as a cluster of dying stars in the sky.

Johnny: I am so high right now. Ellie, you should take Bertie back.

Ellie: Yeah, I got Bernie. It's fine.

Johnny: OK, I'm in this situation right now. Can somebody get me to a safe, soft room? 

Jeremiah: Find a pattern in the grass that you like.

cuppycup (Keeper): You're reminded, Johnny, of the constellation you saw in the abyss beneath that bathtub in the hotel in Las Cruces. Only now you can better define the constellations shape in the quivering glow. The form is rather complicated. And it wouldn't really mean anything to you, Johnny. Only it's nudging your thoughts back to that faded etching at the top of your belt buckle tablet, maybe you can even recreate it. But as you lose focus, the dim stars brighten intensely as if they're trying to recapture your attention. Until finally, their brilliant light bleeds into the daytime sky and you continue sharply hearing the music. I will ask for a SANITY check for Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): That makes sense. It's a 74. That's a failure on my SANITY.

cuppycup (Keeper): This isn't a huge SANITY drain, but that was certainly strange. I'll ask for a d3 SANITY loss.

Chuck (Johnny): That's a 3. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Good, we're just chipping away at your SANITY.

Jeremiah: Come on down, motherfucker! Let's do this shit. Let's get weird.

Chuck (Johnny): I got a long way to go, Jeremiah.

cuppycup (Keeper): How is Johnny reacting to this? Johnny is doing that thing that you always see the guy at the party do, where he just sits back very deliberately and just sort of starts staring straight ahead. I'm trying to maintain here. *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, I think that's appropriate.

Now, Ellie, your world is gradually darkening, too. 

Ellie: Johnny, hold Bertie for a minute. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Only it's a black mist that's blowing in over the red dirt, turning it and everything it touches to ash. Your body, Ellie, begins emitting this ineffable phosphorescence. Somehow it's blacker than the mist that's curling around you now. You feel yourself being pulled from the ground Ellie, and you're moving toward the mountains, passing through a large crowd of anthropomorphic mist. Maybe it reminds you of the basement at the Prestwick house. 

Alex (Ellie): Am I physically being pulled?

cuppycup (Keeper): That's what it feels like. Suspended in the mist facing this mountain, the music goes silent. And you hear a lone voice. It's your father, Ellie.

Alex (Ellie): Oh no. 

Mr. Bishop: Finish it, Ellie.

cuppycup (Keeper): And suddenly you feel your body jolt slightly and the band begins to play again. You're back with the party now. Alex, please give me a SANITY check for Ellie.

Alex (Ellie): I failed. 71. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And I'll ask you for a d4 SANITY loss. 

Alex (Ellie): I rolled a 2. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, 2 points of SANITY. And what is Ellie's response to this experience?

Alex (Ellie): I'm going to take Bertie back and hug her tight like we're in danger. Then I tell Johnny, "keep riding."

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, the party continues to ride into Olvido.

Chuck (Johnny): So can we see, like, are there people in town? Does it look like this is a functional town?

cuppycup (Keeper): You see a small, sleepy town ahead of you. Well, that's probably an understatement because you're not seeing any people at the moment. It's beyond sleepy. You do hear the music. Off to your left, up ahead, you see a corral, but there's only one horse kind of slowly walking around inside the fence and there's a livery stable attached to that. On the right is a building with a wooden front and the back half is brick. You see barred windows, so this is probably the sheriff's office. The mountain the town recedes into is looming a bit larger now, and it looks like there's a church that is perched up on the side of a cliff in the foothills. The entire town seems to slope upward toward this mountain.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, so are we were continuing to ride into town? 

Brandon (Flint): Let's do it.

Alex (Ellie): Yes, sorry, I was tending to this baby and I wasn't paying attention.

Brandon (Flint): Is this what "The hand that rocks the cradle" is like?

cuppycup (Keeper): This is the actual horror in this story: Johnny and Ellie fighting over the baby.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny is becoming more incensed every moment.

Alex (Ellie): Bertie's probably teething, so I'm letting her suck up my pinky finger, because that's what you do in the Old West.

cuppycup (Keeper): Bernie doesn't seem interested in doing that. She is staring up at you, maybe staring through you is more accurate.

Alex (Ellie): Oh God.

Chuck (Johnny): With laser eyes. *laughs* 

Alex (Ellie): Did I just adopt a demon baby?

cuppycup (Keeper): It could be an attachment issue, being separated from Johnny. 

Chuck (Johnny): Uh huh! Skin to skin, that's how it's done.

Johnny: Sheriff, if you need help, I can always calm her down for you.

cuppycup (Keeper): Y'all're just going to, like, pull over and switch spots? 

Chuck (Johnny): We're going to have passive aggressive fights about this for the rest of the show. *laughs*

Wes (Jeremiah): Are there any people at all? Like, we don't see anybody?

cuppycup (Keeper): Maybe. Are you still riding straight ahead?

Chuck (Johnny): Should we be going serpentine or something? Should we ride single file to hide our numbers? 

Wes (Jeremiah): Or do we want to spread out as to confuse them?

Chuck (Johnny): I'm going to real quick, I'm going to paint Sinead with dazzle camo, so they can't tell what direction I'm traveling.

Wes (Jeremiah): There you go. There you go.

cuppycup (Keeper): I just didn't want to assume you'd ride right in.

Chuck (Johnny): I would like to ride in.

Alex (Ellie): Yeah, let's finish it.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah, is there a reason for us [not to]? Yeah. Let's just do it.

Alex (Ellie): Let's do it.

Brandon (Flint): We're going to die anyway.

Alex (Ellie): Let's ride, boys. 

Jay (Lance): Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): Now you're seeing about halfway down the line of buildings on the right side, maybe three buildings down, people are beginning to filter out onto the street and some of them are carrying and playing instruments. And there are a lot of people; this isn't a group of 5. Well, it starts as 5, but then it's 10 and 20 and 30, maybe 40 people on this thoroughfare.

Jeremiah: Well, that's enough of that. I'll see y'all later. 

Chuck (Johnny): Is it festive? Is this like a New Orleans second line? Are people dancing in the streets?

cuppycup (Keeper): This looks festive, but it's not that cool. 

Chuck (Johnny): People aren't drinking bourbon out of a plastic cup? 

Alex (Ellie): That could be anywhere that I've ever lived, so. 

Chuck (Johnny): Is that about other places or about you?

Alex (Ellie): I mean, does it feel like it might be a funeral or is it just weird?

cuppycup (Keeper): It's strange, but it doesn't feel like mourning. It seems like a celebration.

Alex (Ellie): OK.

cuppycup (Keeper): The people who aren't playing instruments are clapping and dancing along to the terrible music, and they're beginning to move toward your group. It reminds you maybe of a parade.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny would like to move towards the friendliest looking of them that he can see.

cuppycup (Keeper): And that's probably a woman who steps out from the crowd, she extends both arms toward your group. She wears this flowing dress and she looks to be in her late 30s or early 40s. She's wearing her hair in curls. She's the only person attempting eye contact with you, Johnny. And when you ride within earshot, she addresses you.

Grace: Thank you for coming. We were beginning to worry that you got lost.

Johnny: I'm sorry, ma'am, were we expected?

Grace: Of course you were. We've been waiting. I'm so glad your legal troubles are behind you.

Ellie: Yeah, I'm sorry, and you are?

Grace: My name is Grace, and I'm the head of community here in Olvido. Welcome to our humble town. It may not look like much yet, but we're proud to call it our home.

Johnny: I'm sorry, ma'am, it is a pleasure to be here. You have me at a bit of a disadvantage. How is it that you knew about our coming?

Grace: You reap what you sow, Mr. Rhodes. And now it is time for harvest.

Johnny: Uh-huh... 

cuppycup (Keeper): And this woman, Grace, she goes to the end of your line of animals and addresses Lance before walking back toward the front of your group.

Grace: Oh, poor Lance, we can help you, as we've helped your friends before. This road through Olvido leads to redemption. We strive for prosperity through a higher purpose, Father Flint. We are a gathering of family and remembrance, Jeremiah. Olvido is a spring of rebirth, Johnny and Ellie. This is a place of sacrifice; we have all given so much to see this day, perhaps you more than any, and we will give again, as Father has foretold.

Johnny: I apologize. It has been a grip since I have attended service. Father, could you tell me about the Father?

Flint: I could tell you about one kind of Father, but I don't think that that's what she is talking about.

Johnny: Ma'am, are you two talking about the same Father?

Grace: He is the one you're here to see, I presume. I'm speaking of Father Brock, of course.

Ellie: *hesitant* Colin Brock? 

Grace: Yes, of course. He is so eager to see you all. Father Brock oversees the town and our church. He instructed us to welcome you to Olvido with open arms and share our gifts.

Alex (Ellie): Someone take this baby. 

Chuck (Johnny): "Hold my baby and watch this." *laughs* Alright. Johnny will take the baby back into his loving arms.

Johnny: All right, Sheriff, go whip some ass, I'll be over here.

cuppycup (Keeper): You are listening to Ain’t Slayed Nobody. For ad-free episodes, heaps of bonus content, and special programming please join our posse at patreon.com/aintslayed or subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody+ at Apple Podcasts. See the show notes for full credits, and help us grow by posting friendly reviews and spreading the word to your friends and followers. Thank you and good luck out there!