Note: Ain't Slayed Nobody is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors. Y'ALL OF CTHULHU, EPISODE 10: DOWN DARKER TRIALS cuppycup (Keeper): Ain’t Slayed Nobody is a produced actual play podcast intended for adults and may contain material that some people find disturbing. Please see the episode notes for content warnings and listen with care. ('DEAD MAN WALKING' BY CODY FRY PLAYS) ♪ I AM A DEAD MAN WALKIN' ♪ I SEE THE LIGHT COMIN' ♪ AND IT FEELS WARM ON MY FACE ♪ BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BURN ME DOWN cuppycup (Keeper): After being unexpectedly greeted by President Hiram Hadley and detained by his men at gunpoint outside of the Prestwick House, Ellie Bishop and her gang are paraded through the dusty streets of Las Cruces. Lance Kilkenny lies unconscious in a barred cart being pulled by two horses. Jay (Lance): Wish it was a bar cart instead. Wes (Jeremiah): Is it a bar cart, a barred cart card, or a Bard cart? Like, is a bard pushing the cart? Brandon (Flint): Shakespeare is there. Wes (Jeremiah): Right. cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, Lance is playing the mandolin inside the card. Yeah, a wooden cart with iron bars on each side, let's say. Everyone besides Lance has been shackled at the ankles and wrists with iron restraints, and there are maybe two lengths of chain between your ankles, so this walk through town is tedious. As you're walking through, the townspeople are gathering on their porches and beginning to stare through their windows with scorn toward the party. This march of shame ends at the jailhouse, where the sheriff and his men funnel Father Flint and Jeremiah into a highly unusual outbuilding, if you can even call it a building. This seems to be a scrap iron cage that's just about 6 square feet. It looks like latticework, it's made of steel surrounding all the walls and the roof, with the exception of a doorframe, which is solid. And there's also a solid steel square on the outside of the door; this is just to prevent tampering with the lock through the little openings in the cage. Lance is then dragged out of that barred cart by two men, he's restrained in irons and he's thrown into the cell with the two of you. Lance seems to be regaining consciousness right about this time. Wes (Jeremiah): So we're in jail. Brandon (Flint): We're in jail for a crime we did not commit. Jay (Lance): What we have here is a failure to communicate. Brandon (Flint): I wonder if they confiscated any of my drugs. Lance: I could go for some drugs right now, my head is pounding something fierce. Jeremiah: Where did you hide the drugs? Do you need me to help you fish those out? cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff gives you kind of a sidelong glance and says, Sheriff Higgins: Well, I'll leave you fellas to it. You'll get your day in court. cuppycup (Keeper): And then he heads inside the main jailhouse, behind a couple of guards who are escorting Ellie and Johnny. For the two of you, the deputies lock each of you in slightly smaller private cells, compared to what you saw outside. And they are connected by a wall of iron bars. So you will be able to talk to each other. Ellie, this is about the size of the jailhouse in Canutillo, so it makes sense that they'd need that extra capacity outside, since this is a much larger town. Johnny: Sir, do you mind if I could at least hear what exactly it is that we're being charged with? cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff and his men are hanging around, shuffling everyone into the cells and the sheriff addresses you, Johnny. Sheriff Higgins: Y'all are going to answer for the disappearance and presumed murder of John Wilkinson. We are conducting a thorough investigation and you will unfortunately not be answering to me, this would already be over, but to a judge. Johnny: Am I being detained? Sheriff Higgins: Look around, son. You are all being detained until we can sort this thing out. Johnny: I have the right to know my crime and my accuser! Wes (Jeremiah): DODGE the charges. Sheriff Higgins: Your crime, Mr. Rhodes, involves the suspicious - the highly suspicious -disappearance of Professor John Wilkinson. Johnny: Yes, I've heard of him. Ellie: Save it, Johnny, don't tell this jerk anything. Sheriff Higgins: Suit yourself, Miss Bishop. Your accuser is Hiram Hadley, the people of this fine county, and if I had to bet on it, God hisself. Alex (Ellie): Do I know anything about the sheriff here? cuppycup (Keeper): Give me a LAW roll to see what you know about this situation. Alex (Ellie): That's 52. A SUCCESS. cuppycup (Keeper): You don't know this Sheriff, Ellie, but what you've gleaned is that his name is Sheriff Higgins and you do have a general sense for how the law works in this area. In New Mexico and maybe out west in general, there's not much federal oversight at this time, with some rare exceptions. Local sheriffs are mostly left to their own devices and they'll decide how to deal with criminals in their own way. Hasty executions, and I suppose you carried one out recently yourself, well, they're not that uncommon. And based on the way your party was apprehended and Lance was knocked unconscious and you were paraded through town, Ellie, you're pretty sure this is one of those towns where the locals decide what to do. And this sheriff seems to be a bit of a loose cannon to this point. If the sheriff decided to hang all of you, he'd probably be worried about you in particular Ellie, with the Texas Rangers, but he might not have to answer to U.S. Marshals. Alex (Ellie): Ok, that's good to know. I'm going to shine up my badge if I still have it. cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, good idea. You're still handcuffed, but you can polish it up with your shirt sleeve and you're all wearing your clothing and they've just confiscated your weapons and personal items. Chuck (Johnny): I'm 2 hit points and burned to a crisp. Do I get some sort of basic human rights of some stabilizing first aid? cuppycup (Keeper): That's a fair request for Johnny. Ellie: Medic? cuppycup (Keeper): And they don't send a medic, persay, but they do send over a guard with a basic first aid kit. Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, all I'm really looking for some ointment and maybe a bandage or two. cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, he's going to do his best to apply some treatment here. And I will have him roll against his FIRST AID skill, which is 40. That's a 28. So the guard, he applies some kind of ointment and bandage, Johnny, maybe a lot of ointment and a lot of bandages based on your burns, and you're going to get a whole (1) hit point back for that. Chuck (Johnny): I'll take it. That increases my hit points by 50 percent. cuppycup (Keeper): Now, let me explain a little bit about what's going on here for you all and for our listeners. There are a few different scenes occurring here, and unlike a typical session, you, the players can only hear the characters that your own characters are physically in the room with at any time. Currently, that means that Flint, Jeremiah and Lance can communicate privately during this stay in jail. And Ellie and Johnny, you can communicate privately. I can't hear these conversations as the keeper, either, so this will be interesting. If you do end up standing trial, you will only be privy to what is said while you are in the courtroom. Meanwhile, during the walk to the jail, you heard the Sheriff and Hiram Hadley discussing the matter of rounding up a judge for a trial and interviewing witnesses to your crimes, alleged crimes. Before settling in for the night, Sheriff Higgins catches up with Jimbo inside the Sureshot gambling hall. Sheriff Higgins: Hey there, Jimbo. You ain't in trouble or nothing, but I need you to tell me more about this brawl you were involved in last night. Jimbo: Well, they come into the Boot Jack Saloon a' lookin for trouble. And I ain't one to pick a fight, no, no, but but I'll hold my own when strangers try to stir somethin up. They were poundin' whiskey after whiskey, and I drew the line at them picking on little Heck. And, you know Heck, he wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, the Irish one threatened to knock out all of his teeth and make a necklace out of them. And I don't trust anyone rides a camel. Sheriff Higgins: My God, that sounds pretty violent, Jimbo. Did they do anything else unusual? Jimbo: Yes, they did. During the bar brawl, one of them laid on the floor smiling up at the ceiling. I don't know what these folks are smoking, but it ain't good. One of them was going through folk's pockets after the priest knocked him unconscious. Well, well, I know all about the pot calling the kettle black, alright? But they was a bunch of assholes! Sheriff Higgins: Alright, alright. Well, thanks, Jimbo. I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon. cuppycup (Keeper): Night falls and the sheriff continues his investigation, interviewing more witnesses throughout the following day. He picks up Judge McPhee in Mesilla to preside over this trial. McPhee is a stocky man, very well dressed; he has quite a solid reputation around the state, so maybe that will play into your favor. And they decide to begin the trial. This is going to be a very speedy trial. Meanwhile, back at the jailhouse, Flint, Jeremiah and Lance plan their strategy with their looming trial. Flint: Are there any artifacts that we brought back from that cave that we still have? That can prove... Lance: I have my sword. Brandon (Flint): No, but seriously, I'm sure the sword was probably confiscated. Wes (Jeremiah): They definitely confiscated that. Brandon (Flint): But that could be showcased as evidence. cuppycup (Keeper): A guard approaches that outdoor cell. Guard: Lance Kilkenny, come with me. Lance: That has the misfortune of being my name. cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, the guard, along with a couple of others, escorts you into a neighboring building that serves as the courthouse here in Las Cruces. They open the door to a very underwhelming room. This is not a grand courthouse by any means. You're in a small, dusty room that almost looks like a repurposed dining room, maybe it's the fireplace that makes you feel that way. 5 chairs are lined up against the wall nearest you, and about 3 or 4 feet in front of those chairs, there's a single chair spotlighted by sunlight beaming in through the window on your left. On the far side of the room, you see a table with 3 men seated behind it; you presume the man in the middle is the judge, Judge McPhee, and he's flanked by Sheriff Higgins on your right and Hiram Hadley on your left. There is a wooden bench against the left side wall and you see young Sam sitting there with a man you assume is his father. Bailiff: The People's Court case number 6H05, State of New Mexico versus Kilkenny, Flint, Fensworth, Rhodes and Bishop for the murder of Jonathan Wilkinson. All rise. Announcer: What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors; they are actual litigants with a case pending in a Las Cruces municipal court. This is defendant Lance Kilkenny, a known outlaw from the mean streets of Donegal, Ireland. Lance made his way to America, but found his callin' with the wrong crowd. Now Lance is a suspect in the disappearance of a respected professor. He's accused of playing with fire. cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, you are still shackled at the hands and feet and you're forced into the chair that's sitting alone. Lance: I gotta tell you, I'm familiar with this position before. Jay (Lance): Both in this game and in real life. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge speaks and he has a little handmade placard that says "Judge McPhee." He's wearing a black robe, he's well-groomed with gray hair, and he has a tiny little wooden gavel. Judge McPhee: Hello, Mr. Kilkenny. I do not want you to feel any undue pressure here today, but we are trying you for a serious matter in the suspected murder of John Wilkinson. We are gravely concerned about how these events unfolded, and we will appreciate your full cooperation as we ask you questions. Lance: Sure thing. Judge McPhee: Mr. Kilkenny, what exactly transpired the day you left New Mexico Agricultural and Mechanical Arts College with Professor John Wilkinson? Lance: Well, the professor wanted us to come with him to explore these caverns in search of, I believe he called them Spanish conquistadors, may have been the word for it. Judge McPhee: I see. And did you ever arrive to these caverns? Lance: Yeah, they were sitting under a mountain. I can't remember the name of the mountain for the life of me. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge checks his notes and whispers an exchange with Hadley. Judge McPhee: Baler Peak? Lance: Oh, yeah, that's the sound of it. That sounds right. Judge McPhee: And did you explore these caverns with the professor, with John Wilkinson? Lance: Aye, that we did. Judge, are you familiar with these caverns at all? Judge McPhee: I am familiar with the general area, but I cannot say I am familiar with the caverns themselves. Lance: Well, I wish I wasn't familiar with those caverns either, after the experience we had. Judge McPhee: Thank you, Mr. Kilkenny, for getting to the heart of the matter. Will you elaborate on that experience? Lance: Well, terrifying would be the one word I'd have for it. Of course, any time you go poking around the dark looking for dead things, it probably isn't going to end well. Judge McPhee: I see. And what was the professor's role in this exploration? Lance: He was the one leading the whole way. He seemed to have an idea where we were going and what we were looking for. After all, it was his idea to go down there in the first place. Judge McPhee: That does match what I see here in my notes. cuppycup (Keeper): He exchanges nods with Hadley. Judge McPhee: What is not adding up for me exactly, is why Professor Wilkinson did not return from the caverns with your group. Lance: Well, I tell you something, Judge, there's certain things that just don't add up for me either. You know, when you get knocked upside the head, certain details just don't seem to be as forthcoming. Judge McPhee: Ah yes, allow me to apologize for that brutish treatment, Mr. Kilkenny. I have had a pointed discussion with Sheriff Higgins and his staff about that aspect of the apprehension and how it was handled. How are you feeling now, Mr. Kilkenny? Lance: I tell you, I'm feeling a bit of a ringing between the ears. Judge McPhee: I'll make a note of that. Lance: The details of that event are fuzzy. Judge McPhee: To the best of your ability, then, will you please describe, Mr. Kilkenny, what exactly happened to Professor Wilkinson to explain why he did not return to camp with you? Lance: You know, I, again, I'm trying to remember this correctly. And I'm not being funny here. Judge McPhee: I agree this is not funny. We may have to do something about that in post. Lance: The way I'm remembering the story is we ran into some kinda wildlife in those caves and we made a bit of a desperate attempt to get out of there. Perhaps it was wolves, maybe a bear, maybe one of those mountain lions. But we ran into something. I know we had to make a mad dash to escape. The professor wanted to push on. I believe at some point we discovered something. You may have my sword! I found a sword in there. Again, I have a vague memory of trying to fight off some kind of wildlife. Judge McPhee: Yes, we did recover a sword from your belongings. It was very curious. Tell me about this sword, Mr. Kilkenny, where did you find it? Lance: We found it, I want to say, in some kind of inner cavern, and I believe it's a Spanish sword. At least, I hope it's a Spanish sword, considering that's what we were looking for. But like I said, I remember using the sword to kind of ward off whatever wildlife we had encountered in there. There's some fuzzy bits about a rope; we had to haul ourselves out of the cave. I believe that might be where we lost the professor. Judge McPhee: I think I understand what you are suggesting. Professor Wilkinson was killed by wildlife that may or may not have included cavern-dwelling wolves, lions and bears. Lance: Again, to the best of my knowledge, when we were climbing out of the cave, the professor being the bravest one, the one who was most dedicated to the cause. He wanted to make sure...I think, memory's comin' back to me, I think another member of our party was injured as well. I think Miss Ellie Bishop, who, you know, is law enforcement as well, was injured, and our focus was getting her out of there. And to that end, I believe the professor was being that ever-chivalrous gentleman, trying to make sure everyone else got out first. Judge McPhee: And this sword, Mr. Kilkenny. It had an alarming amount of fresh blood on the blade. Will you please describe how that got there? Lance: I told you that I used the sword to ward off animals. Judge McPhee: To be clear, you are going to state officially then that all of that blood is from wild animals you encountered in a cave. Lance: I'm pretty sure. I mean, like I said, my head's a little bit fuzzy from getting knocked around by your bad breath havin' Sheriff, but I don't know and I can't remember too much. cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, he gives you a look that suggests that he agrees about the sheriff's breath and he seems to mouthed the words: Judge McPhee: I know, right? Judge McPhee: Thank you, Mr. Kilkenny. This has been enlightening. We are going to bring in your friends and we would appreciate it if you keep quiet while we speak to them. cuppycup (Keeper): After the bad breath comment, the sheriff waves off the guards and personally escorts you to the row of seats directly behind you. He's pretty rough with you, Lance, in doing this, and puts you down in a seat nearest to the door in the first position. Lance: Sheriff, will you please be easy with the head? I told you it hurts something fierce. Maybe brush your teeth every once in a while too. cuppycup (Keeper): The guards then gag you. Now, Jay, I'm going to ask you to roll PERSUADE for for Lance, and I'll give you a bonus, because I liked what you did in introducing the sword. Jay (Lance): I rolled a 34 and a 14. cuppycup (Keeper): OK, on the 14, I would let you spend 4 LUCK to make that a SUCCESS, if you'd like. Jay (Lance): Alright. cuppycup (Keeper): On the SUCCESS, the sheriff is doing something that catches your attention. He's been spinning the cylinder on his six-shooter repeatedly throughout your testimony, and now you notice that he has 5 bullets lined up directly in front of him. He confers with Judge McPhee as you sit there gagged and then he does something interesting: he removes 1 of the bullets from the table and puts it into his belt. Now, there are just 4 bullets lined up in front of him. Now, let's cut back to the previous investigation 2 days ago, when Sheriff Higgins was interviewing witnesses here in town. He left Jimbo over at the Sureshot Gambling Hall and walked across the street, through the door of the apothecary. The clerk, Ken, was startled at seeing the sheriff and fell out of his chair in a puff of smoke. Ken: Oh, hey, Sheriff, I was just, uh...you're my first customer of the day, and there's nothing illegal going on here. Sheriff Higgins: Easy, Ken. I just want to ask you some questions about a group that came through here yesterday. You ain't in trouble. Did you talk to these people? cuppycup (Keeper): And the sheriff slides Ken a piece of paper with descriptions of the accused party. Ken: Oh, yes, I did. They were super fun. Sheriff Higgins: Did you notice anything unusual about them, Ken? Ken: I mean, one of them was wearing a priest's collar without a shirt, and that dude wanted to party. He was a trip. It's too bad I was starting a long shift. Sheriff Higgins: Sure, Ken. What do you mean exactly by "he wanted to party"? Ken: Oh, nothing illegal, Sheriff. He was just buying all the right things to get fucked up. Sorry, he was trying to get fuckin' wasted...uh, he was looking to get intoxicated, I think. Sheriff Higgins: And the others? Ken: Oh, they were cool, too. It looked like they'd been all messed up or something, but they weren't assholes or anything. Sheriff Higgins: All right, thank you, Ken. Ken: Hey, how'd your mother enjoy the brownies, Sheriff? Sheriff Higgins: Thank you, Ken. cuppycup (Keeper): And the sheriff headed back out into the street. Now, turning back to the trial, a guard visits that outdoor jail cell once again. Guard: Flint Westwater, you got a date in court. Flint: Alright. *intense* Don't tell them anything, OK? Don't tell them anything. Jeremiah: I won't tell them anything. And I love you. Flint: Yeah, if I never see you again... *laughs* cuppycup (Keeper): Father Flint enters the courtroom, and I explained this to Brandon in much the same way I did for Jay, except that now Lance is seated and gagged in one of the chairs against the wall. Brandon (Flint): That's hot, yeah. Announcer: This is defendant Father Flint Westwater. He's a shirtless priest from Missoula, Montana, known for making his way from town to town, stealing money and our hearts. With an escalating drug problem and a dead professor on his hands, he's accused of: getting hot under the collar. Brandon (Flint): It's like Father Flint: this is your life." Judge McPhee: Father Flint, I will appreciate your full cooperation today. We need you to answer some questions about the disappearance and suspected murder of Professor John Wilkinson. Flint: OK... Judge McPhee: Can you help shed light on these matters? Flint: Of course, my child. Judge McPhee: There are some details that are not clear to us regarding exactly what happened underneath Baler Peak. Flint: Mmhmm. Judge McPhee: We hope you, Father, might add the clarity we need to resolve this case. Flint: Sure. I am an open book. You have my word as a man of God. Judge McPhee: I was hoping you would say that. First, I must insist on knowing why you refused our jail issued clothing. Do you find it appropriate to enter my courtroom without a shirt, Father? Flint: Right, yes. Well, mostly because they were uncomfortable, but also because I believe that as a child of God, you should be comfortable in the skin you were born in. And let that let that be a lesson to all of you listening. cuppycup (Keeper): Hiram Hadley is fanning himself. Judge McPhee: Father, if we may, let's start at the beginning, at the genesis of this entire episode. Flint: Yes. Judge McPhee: Will you summarize what happened on this expedition you made with Professor John Wilkinson? Flint: Yes. And I'm sure you've heard it once. You'll hear it, what, 4 more times? Judge McPhee: Yes. In identical fashion, I imagine. Flint: Right. Because it's how it happened, which is we went down, we got lost pretty quickly - and some here may blame me, because I was technically in charge of a map - but that cave is cavernous. Is that correct? That cave is a maze. Judge McPhee: A little maze of twisty passages, all different. I get it, yes. Flint: And we ran into a ton of trouble, I don't know how familiar you are with the current inhabitants of those tunnels. Judge McPhee: I heard from Mr. Kilkenny, but I would love for you to describe these inhabitants to me, Father. Spare no detail. Flint: Yes, of course. And I can guarantee you that there will be the same as Mr. Kilkenny, if only because I've never encountered anything, whether living or dead, that were like these creatures. It's a miracle that all of us got out of alive the way that we did, and it's a shame that the professor wasn't able to, because until the very, very end, we were all together and we were all surviving together. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge looks down at his notes. Judge McPhee: And they were lizards. Is that correct, Father? Flint: I wouldn't say lizards... I mean, demons is how I would categorize it, as a man of God. Judge McPhee: Demons, you say. Fascinating. Flint: But I've never seen anything like it. But they were cruel and they were quick and they were intent on killing all of us. And there was no reasoning with them, which, you know, as as a priest, that is always my first route and never violence. And so the fact that it took violence for the majority of us to be able to escape was still tragic, even if these were demons. cuppycup (Keeper): And the judge is scribbling notes now feverishly into his notebook. Judge McPhee: And just one more time, so that the record reflects your experiences accurately: you did say demons. Flint: Demons as a theological term, I don't know if you would find them in any of your encyclopedias. Judge McPhee: So not similar to any animal you've ever seen or heard of before. Not a wolf. Not a bear. Not a lion. Flint: No, definitely not an animal. Judge McPhee: Definitely not an animal. Interesting. Thank you. Lance: *frantic grunts* Flint: Oh, sorry, did I say definitely not animals? I meant they were probably animals, just demonic in how they were possessed with a fervor to kill us. Judge McPhee: Interesting pivot there, Father. Would you call these rabid animals then? Flint: Rabid, I don't know if they were physically rabid, but I'm sure there was some foaming. It was dark, though, I couldn't see much. Judge McPhee: It was dark and you were trying to navigate. That might make sense. Flint: It does make sense, you're right. Judge McPhee: Most importantly, Father, and this is why you are here and stand accused, why did Professor Wilkinson not return to your camp with you? Flint: So, again, like I was saying, it was tragic, because I was so impressed with not only how the professor was gelling with our group in helping us and leading us, really, because he was such an incredible man to get to know even in that short amount of time. But the the final escape, after battling and battling and being lost, ended up with us climbing up a rope into a tiny hole to get out to the sky. And I believe, I was not the last one out of the cave, but I believe the rope broke and he fell while we were already out of the cave. So it was tragic, but there was really nothing anyone in my group could have done. Judge McPhee: I see. It was a tragic fall. I am beginning to form a clearer picture of what's going on here. Do you partake in illicit drugs and alcohol? Flint: Right. So what you might not know, because this was only recently taught in seminaries and never in universities or anything like that, but as we attempt to get closer to God, the ways of just, let's say, communion wine are no longer as applicable as they once were. And in this modern world, there are opportunities for us, especially members of the clergy, where, I would never recommend this for my congregation, but yes, on occasion, it has been important for my spiritual growth to, let's say, experiment with some different types of liquor and yes, in some cases, some differing drugs as well. Judge McPhee: As a religious man myself, I am quite surprised by these practices, but I thank you for your candor, Father. I'm sure you would not lie to this court. cuppycup (Keeper): And the judge motions to the sheriff, who seats you next to Lance in the second position. Father Flint then watches the sheriff reseat himself next to the judge, and he's eyeing you now with 4 bullets standing upright on the table in front of him. Brandon, give me a FAST TALK roll. I think that's how you played that, just a straight role with no bonus dice, no penalty dice either, though. Brandon (Flint): So I got a 16. cuppycup (Keeper): Whoa, y'all are killing it on the rolls, OK, you've barely failed on a 12. Would you like to spend four LUCK to make this a SUCCESS? Brandon (Flint): Of course, my child. cuppycup (Keeper): OK. The sheriff looks to the judge who solemnly shakes his head and the sheriff pounds the table in anger before putting one of those bullets into his belt, and now there are 3 remaining. Now, going back to yesterday: The sheriff traveled to Mesilla to pick up Judge McPhee and to interview potential witnesses. After getting leads from Rosa at the general store and the editor of the Mesilla Valley Gazette, Sheriff Higgins visited Dutch, the bartender, at his family home. Seated at Dutch's kitchen table, the sheriff slides a piece of paper to Dutch that has descriptions of everyone in the party. Sheriff Higgins: Dutch, do you reckon any of these folks come to your bar recently? Dutch: Three of them came into the Blue Owl Saloon in the mid-morning. They were rude and obnoxious, but I did my best to help them. Sheriff Higgins: That was kind of you, Dutch. Did you notice anything unusual about their group? Dutch: The hobo tried to order a mojito. They were heading towards Olvido and wanted information. The miner grabbed me by the shirt collar and threatened to cut off my tongue if I didn't cooperate. Sheriff Higgins: My, that is disturbing. Dutch: I think they wanted a free room and drinks, like they ran the town. The sheriff with them sat there, did nothing to help me. Everyone in Mesilla hated them. They were assholes. Sheriff Higgins: I'm sorry you had to go through that, Dutch, but I do appreciate your cooperation. Have a pleasant day now. cuppycup (Keeper): Now, moving back to the jailhouse on trial day, a guard appears for the third time at that outdoor cell. Jeremiah: *muttering* I haven't been alone in weeks. I can't remember what it's like to hear your own thoughts. I guess it's just a little dark. What was that dream? Couldn't get out of the room, but I could see them approaching. Why couldn't I help my brother? I don't like it in here. Damn near ready to get out of here. They don't let me out of here, I'm gonna get ornery. They're not going to like ornery. Guard: Jeremiah Fensworth, you're up. Let's go to the courtroom. Jeremiah: I don't wanna fucking go to a courtroom. cuppycup (Keeper): The guards then pick you up and begin to drag you out of the cell. Jeremiah is led into court and sees his buddies gagged and seated against the wall near the door. He's plopped into that single chair to face the judge. Jeremiah: Alright, what is is it y'all want with me? Announcer: This is defendant Jeremiah Fensworth. He's also shirtless, but not as hot as Father Flint. He's been living off the land since leaving his home in Idaho. With a short fuse and a long list of disrespected NPCs, he's accused of giving the professor the ax. Judge McPhee: Mr. Fensworth, thank you for your cooperation in appearing before this court today. We have some nagging questions to ask you regarding the disappearance and death of Professor John Wilkinson. Jeremiah: Yeah, whaddaya want to know about it? Jeremiah: As you do stand accused of murder, Mr. Fensworth, I'd like to hear honest answers today. That will help us reach a fair decision. Jeremiah: I'm gonna tell you this, like it is: if I told you what happened, you would not believe me. Judge McPhee: Why don't you try me, sir? Jeremiah: I reckon we was chased by a bunch of ghost goblin-looking things. We ran out. Jay (Lance): *laughs* Jeremiah: Someone's laughing in the distance. Judge McPhee: Please continue. It was just a crow in distress, I think. Jeremiah: It was scary as all hell. We got up to the top, the Professor went back and he got sucked back in. We ain't never seen him no more. Judge McPhee: Mr. Fensworth, let's slow things down just a hair, if you don't mind. Did you say there were ghost goblins? Jeremiah: Look, man, I don't know what they're called, but I seen them and they chased me and I was scared to death. Judge McPhee: And these ghost goblins, did you say they swallowed up the professor? Did I hear that correctly? Jeremiah: You did not. They pulled him back into the hole. Judge McPhee: *skeptical* OK. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge turns to Hadley. Judge McPhee: Should we interview this man any further? He's clearly insane. cuppycup (Keeper): Hadley kind of shrugs at the judge and then he looks to the sheriff, who also shrugs back at him. Judge McPhee: OK, OK. I'll ask one more question here, Mr. Fensworth: precisely how did the professor die? Are you suggesting he was attacked by ghost goblins? Jeremiah: Look, you could put terms on whatever you want to put. I don't like the way you say "ghost goblins" like I'm making shit up. I'm not making shit up. I saw this with my eyes, they chased me, and that is why the professor is dead. If you don't believe me, fuck you, kill me. cuppycup (Keeper): Sam, who's sitting on the bench along the wall to your left, Jeremiah, is shuffling nervously in his seat now. Jeremiah: Hey, Sammy Boy! Hey, Sammy! Ghost goblins. Sam: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What do you want? Jeremiah: I want you to tell 'em! cuppycup (Keeper): Sam's father, or who you think is probably his father, has one arm around his shoulder. It almost looks to you like he's coaching him a bit, talking into his ear. Sam: *panicked* I don't know what he's talking about. I don't know anything about this. I don't know anything. Jeremiah: Are you going to listen to your old man or are you going to listen that gut of yours? You're going to have to start listening that gut as you grow up, Sam. You know what I'm talking about, Sam. Ghost goblins! Judge McPhee: Mr. Fensworth, we need to maintain order here. Jeremiah: You want to maintain order? There are ghost goblins out there, and they have killed a professor and they might kill you and your family. Are you not scared? This man has no dick. cuppycup (Keeper): Sam then bursts out of the courtroom past you, Jeremiah, and slams the door. The sheriff approaches as two guards gag you, Jeremiah. Jeremiah: I am a sovereign citizen! I am a *gagged* cuppycup (Keeper): They toss you into the seat next to Father Flint in that third position. Since you did bring up ghosts goblins coming after the judge and your entire demeanor on the stand was intimidating, give me an INTIMIDATE roll, Wes, with a bonus die because I liked how you called out Sam. And this will be Jeremiah's roll. Jeremiah: 44 and 54. cuppycup (Keeper): OK, that's a failure on both of those. As the sheriff returns to his seat, he looks to Judge McPhee, who nods in his direction. The sheriff has this malevolent smirk on his face and he plucks 1 of the 3 bullets off the table in front of him and loads it into the cylinder of his gun and gives the cylinder a spin. There are now 2 bullets left on the table. Let's return to the sheriff's in-town interviews 2 days ago, when he stopped by Dr. Diego Zamora's office to discuss treatments he provided for your group. Sheriff Higgins: Doctor Zamora, I know you are incredibly busy, so I'll keep this real short. I believe you treated a group of 5 ruffians in here recently? cuppycup (Keeper): And he hands the doctor a detailed list of descriptions. Sheriff Higgins: How did it happen that you treated these folks? Dr. Zamora: They showed up at my doorstep very early in the morning. It looked like they had been in a brutal fight. I thought one of them had died. They claimed to have been attacked by mountain lions, but their injuries looked to me like cuts and punctures from a blade. Sheriff Higgins: And did they exhibit any unusual behaviors? Dr. Zamora: All of them seemed unusual to me. Knowing what I know now about Professor Wilkinson, it seems odd that they didn't mention him one time during their office visit. They seemed more interested in getting drunk than healing; one of them tried to steal my Zeke's Curious Concoction. They didn't care at all for the injured boy in the group. Sheriff Higgins: Is there anything else we need to know? Dr. Zamora: I'm a pretty easygoing guy, but they were assholes. Sheriff Higgins: Thank you, doctor. I will be in touch if we have anything else. cuppycup (Keeper): Let's cut back to the jailhouse where Johnny and Ellie are mulling over the situation in adjacent cells. Johnny: Hey, uh, sheriff, I'm not sure how to put this exactly, but might it be that the truth might set us free? Ellie: Maybe, but will they believe any of that? What happened was pretty crazy. Johnny: That's a good point. I wouldn't believe us, that's true. What say you and I come up with a game plan here before we go in there? Ellie: That's a good idea. I do know a little bit about the law in this town. Johnny: Alright. Ellie: In this frontier, the locals kind of handle legal matters in their own way. Some towns follow federal law, but this place seems pretty backwards to me, if you catch my drift. Johnny: I do. Well, Sheriff, what do you suppose we ought to tell them? Ellie: We could tell them the half-truth. Johnny: Which half is that? Is that the half where the ghouls ate the professor or the half where we were stumbling around in a cave? Ellie: We could say we were in the caves with the professor and we were attacked by a creature, but we don't know what it was. Oh, Sam saw one. Maybe he can help us. Johnny: *sarcastic* Uh, yeah...Sam and I go way back. Ellie: Fair point. Maybe not. Johnny: Yeah. I wonder how much he'll remember about the ghoul versus how much he'll remember about me tackling him. Thinking you might be right, though. We'll just tell, I mean, honestly, most of the truth. Ellie: They might wonder why we didn't go back to the college or even tell anyone about the professor. Johnny: We was hurt. Had to get to the doctor. Ellie: Yeah, OK, that's good. It's obvious we've been injured. Johnny: I'm notably more hurt for other reasons now. cuppycup (Keeper): And now a guard approaches Johnny's individual cell. Guard: Johnny Rhodes, you're up. Come with me. cuppycup (Keeper): Are you going with the guards? Chuck (Johnny): I imagine that I don't have much of a choice in the matter. cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, it would be hard for you to fight them in your current state. Or any state for Johnny, really. Johnny walks into the courtroom with the guards and sees the trio of Lance, Flint and Jeremiah seated against the wall. Johnny, they show you to a chair kind of on an island in the center of the room. Announcer: This is defendant Johnny Rhodes. He's a freshly-bathed hobo with a mysterious past. He looks like he's barely survived an explosion. Did he fall into the wrong crowd or is he leading this mob, as Hiram Hadley believes? He's accused of pushing his luck. Judge McPhee: Thank you for standing trial today, Mr. Rhodes. I trust you were treated well during your 2 nights with us. Chuck (Johnny): Oh, did I get any hit points back for that rest? cuppycup (Keeper): Ooh, that's a very fair question. That is a super fair question, and I am stingy with them, having only 3 of them. cuppycup (Keeper): OK, I'll give each of you 2 hit points back, each of you who is injured, for 2 uncomfortable nights in jail. Chuck (Johnny): Alright, I'm up to 5 now. Judge McPhee: Mr. Rhodes, I have some questions for you. And if you tell the truth, this will be very easy. Shall we proceed, then? Johnny: Well, sure thing, Your Honor. Judge McPhee: Let's keep this open-ended. Please tell the court what happened during your exploration with Professor John Wilkinson. What was that journey like for you, Mr. Rhodes? Johnny: Well, as you can see, I have been in a scrape or two since then. But as I recall, we was down in that cave at the professor's behest and we was searching for artifacts of a historic nature. We actually found a couple of them and he wanted to continue to explore further, but we were attacked by someone or something and we're not sure what. And we had to make quick our escape. Judge McPhee: And you did escape from these caverns, Mr. Rhodes. What was it that attacked you? Will you add a bit more description to that for me? Johnny: I...honestly, Your Honor, I wish that I could. Whatever it was was not something that we are familiar with. Jeremiah: *grunts* Judge McPhee: Excuse me, Mr. Fensworth. Pipe down or I will hold you in contempt. Jeremiah: *mutters* Fuck you. Judge McPhee: Please ignore that man, Mr. Rhodes, we have spoken to him and we are aware of what he is like. Johnny: Your Honor, I am accustomed to ignoring that man. It is not a problem. Judge McPhee: Please continue, Mr. Rhodes. Johnny: Well, I'm afraid I don't have too much more to add to the story. As I said, we were attacked. We ended up leaving from a different point than the one we entered from. We as a group were able to locate an alternate exit. Unfortunately, in making good our escape, the professor did help Ellie exit through his own heroic actions. However, we were unable to save him when he fell. Judge McPhee: He fell, you say. OK, thank you, Mr. Rhodes. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge is jotting down notes as you answer. Judge McPhee: Mr. Rhodes, can you also elaborate on the items you found in the caves? We found some fascinating things amongst your possessions. Johnny: Some things in my possessions? Judge McPhee: Yes, we found a painting. Johnny: *chuckles* Yeah, did you like it? cuppycup (Keeper): You notice that Hadley is sweating and panting. Johnny: Now, Your Honor, to answer your question, I believe the only items we actually found in the cave were some variety of ancient, I believe the professor said conquistador, helmet, which I regrettably have pawned off since then. Judge McPhee: Oh, yes. Some townspeople did report seeing you involved in some kind of argument or altercation or I suppose bartering. Sadly, we could not locate the merchant before this trial. We also found an interesting, perplexing stack of bound papers in your hotel room, Mr. Rhodes. Johnny: Oh, yes, sir. I agree that they are quite interesting. That is why they piqued my curiosity. Unfortunately, due to my current incarceration, I have not had the opportunity to peruse them. In fact, if I may, you've probably seen more than I have, could you lend any insight to them? Chuck (Johnny): Make him make a MYTHOS roll. cuppycup (Keeper): *amused* I'm doing it, I'm gonna do it. I'm going to make him make a mythos on 1%. I rolled a 63. I really wanted to roll a 1 there. Chuck (Johnny): It was worth a shot. cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* He's going to use 62 LUCK. Chuck (Johnny): Yes, sir. May I recommend you join our party? Judge McPhee: I have one final question, Mr. Rhodes. Why did you assault young Sam? Johnny: Your Honor, it was dark outside and all I know is that Sam had a rifle pointed in my direction and when I saw an opportunity to disarm him, I took it. Wes (Jeremiah): Tell him! Judge McPhee: I think we have all we need from you, Mr. Rhodes. cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff stands up and signals to the guards to gag Johnny. Johnny: Your Honor, if it please the court, may I approach the bench? Judge McPhee: No, Mr. Rhodes, please remain seated. Johnny: I would like to enter some new evidence into your investigation. cuppycup (Keeper): Judge McPhee then holds up his index finger to the guards. Judge McPhee: Fine. I'll humor you. What is it, Mr. Rhodes? Chuck (Johnny): I stand up. Is that OK? cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, you can stand, but you are in shackles. Chuck (Johnny): So Johnny reaches down into his boot, trying to show his hands very clearly, you know, into sort of a little sewn-in secret pocket in his boot. cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, the sheriff kind of leans over the table to see what you're up to here. Chuck (Johnny): And he pulls out the something that has been on my character sheet since the day we started this podcast, My Treasured Possession. I pull out a small, polished silver letter opener that is engraved with the seal of the US Department of the Interior. And I present it to the court and I say, Johnny: Your Honor, if it please the court, I need to let you know that should you continue to detain us, I believe that you are interfering with a federal investigation. Wes (Jeremiah): Holy shit! cuppycup (Keeper): Oh Jesus, OK. One of the guards walks over to take that item from you, Johnny, and he sets it on the table in front of Judge McPhee. The judge begins to inspect the letter opener. Wes (Jeremiah): Oh, this is like that ending in Clue. Johnny: Now, these fine folks that you have currently detained are, unbeknownst to them, a part of a very carefully-selected squad that is aiding me in an investigation, and I demand that you release us posthaste. cuppycup (Keeper): Judge McPhee shows the item to Sheriff Higgins and Hiram Hadley and they both seem confused. That was a really nice move, Chuck. The sheriff is now seated again, and there are 2 bullets in front of him on the table as everyone looks over this item. Give me a FAST TALK roll, Chuck, for Johnny, with 2 bonus dice. Chuck (Johnny): It's a 20, dead. It's a good thing you gave me those bonus dice, because I rolled two 90s and a 20. cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, that's a good thing for the party, then. The sheriff looks back at the judge and they don't seem to quite know what to make of your claim here. The judge gestures to the sheriff and he picks up 1 of those bullets off the table and puts it into his belt. He looks disappointed. There's just 1 bullet left on the table. Now, the guards do gag you, Johnny, and they seat you next to Jeremiah in the fourth position against that wall. Let's cut back to 2 days ago, when Sheriff Higgins arrived at the Wilkinson family home to speak with Joanne Wilkinson, John's widow. Sheriff Higgins: Ma'am, I'm sorry to trouble you here, but I'd just like to ask a few questions to see if anything John told you might help with our investigation into his death. Did you know these people that John left with? Joanne: I never met any of them, but John was so excited the night before the journey, I don't think he hardly slept a minute. He mentioned one of them by name, Lance, who seemed a little rough around the edges, but he felt good about the sheriff keeping them all in line. Sheriff Higgins: Thank you. And can you think of anything else I should know? Joanne: John was a good man and he didn't deserve this. We didn't deserve this! Whoever killed him is already damned. Sheriff Higgins: Ma'am, on that we agree. Joanne: Why didn't the sheriff report his death? Sheriff Higgins: Well, we don't know that yet, but we'll sort this thing out. Joanne: John thought they was assholes, but he didn't realize they was murderous assholes. cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff then put his hat back on his head and headed back into the streets of Las Cruces. Now, let's cut back to the jailhouse on trial day one more time. And the guard is now visiting Sheriff Ellie Bishop's cell. Guard: Let's go, Sheriff. I mean, Miss Bishop. Ellie: Sheriff is fine. cuppycup (Keeper): Ellie enters the courtroom with 2 guards and passes by her 4 companions seated against that wall. Ellie is seated then in that solitary chair in front of the judge, the sheriff and president Hiram Hadley. Announcer: This is defendant Ellie Bishop. She's a small town sheriff with a thirst for revenge. Has her judgment been clouded by blood lust or is she just caught up in an unlucky situation trying to do right by her father? She's accused of being a bad apple with a badge. Judge McPhee: Sheriff Bishop, thank you for your cooperation as we sort out these terrible matters regarding Professor John Wilkinson. I trust that you will shoot straight with us today. Ellie: Yes, I will. Judge McPhee: Please tell us everything that happened during your exploration with John Wilkinson. Ellie: Well, we started going into the cave system and immediately getting lost. We got to this part of the cave that was very difficult to pass through and something attacked us. I don't remember much because I was badly injured. Judge McPhee: Yes, I have heard that from a couple of different people today. Sheriff Bishop, please describe these creatures that attacked you. Ellie: It happened so fast, I couldn't even guess. I do know that the professor didn't make it. The whole situation is tragic. Look, I'm not the best person to ask. I was unconscious, my friends told me he fell down through the cave opening. I didn't regain consciousness until we were out of the cave. I don't know what happened, but I do know there was no evidence of foul play. cuppycup (Keeper): What a very incriminating thing to say. *laughs* Judge McPhee: If you did not know what the creature was, Miss Bishop, why did you tell our town doctor that you were attacked by a mountain lion? Ellie: I don't know exactly. It was very dark and I was knocked unconscious. Judge McPhee: Oh, is that right? OK, well, why did you not tell Dr. Zamora about Professor Wilkinson? Ellie: I mean, I don't know. I was just regaining consciousness. I was trying to survive. Judge McPhee: Why did you then not tell our sheriff, or the hotel staff, or the college or anyone else you encountered in Las Cruces about the professor before engaging in a bar fight, shopping for drugs and visiting an abandoned house? Ellie: We were probably going to head back to the college, but we were detained by our men. Why did you choose to arrest us and try us for murder before even finding his body? Judge McPhee: We believe in swift justice here in New Mexico, ma'am. And sometimes the situation obviously involves...what did you call it? Foul play. I am sorry that you do not approve of our methods here, but if you are innocent of this crime, you should have nothing to worry about. Would you agree, Sheriff, that it looks suspicious for a group to leave a cave system with a valuable helmet and pawn that item on the same day before reporting a missing person, the leader of their expedition? Ellie: I see where you're coming from on that one, and I think it's just an error in judgment. This situation didn't require murder charges. Judge McPhee: And I do appreciate that opinion. cuppycup (Keeper): The judge motions for the guard to show you to a seat on the back wall next to Johnny in the fifth position in the last chair, but you are not gagged, Ellie. In fact, all of your gags are removed at this time. Alex, give me a PERSUADE roll for Ellie, without any bonus or penalty die. Alex (Ellie): That's a 72. I FAILED that one. cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff is seated with 1 bullet sitting on the table in front of him and on the FAILURE for Ellie, he picks up his last bullet and cheerily pops it into the cylinder on his gun and he gives it a spin. There are 2 bullets loaded into his six-shooter now, and those were on Jeremiah and Ellie's failed rolls. Johnny: Sir, if you don't mind, Judge, we are not playing by the DM's rules anymore. This is a federal investigation. Judge McPhee: Mr. Rhodes, while your letter opener was intriguing, we have decided to continue this trial. It would be alarming if you are indeed a federal employee, but we have questions about the veracity of your claim as we've made judgments of your testimonies today. Sheriff Higgins has loaded bullets for your deceits and stashed away bullets for any doubts you have cast on our accusations. In Las Cruces, we always leave 1 chamber open because no judgment can be certain. At the current tally, there are 2 bullets in the sheriff's gun. I now ask that you please send 1 member of your party forward to receive judgment. Ellie: Does the federal government know how you're running this court? Johnny: *loudly* They do not! Jeremiah: They're gonna! Lance: I'll be writing a strongly-worded letter myself. Jeremiah: I want to speak to the manager! Chuck (Johnny): Just a bunch of Karens over here. Judge McPhee: The trigger will be pulled but once. If the chamber is empty, you are all free to go. If there is a bullet, 1 member of your party will pay with their life. Johnny: There's a 1-in-3 shot. Judge McPhee: And we will consider this appropriate retribution for your crimes. The rest of you will be free to leave Las Cruces and never return. Ellie: Damn it. Lance: I demand trial by combat. Johnny: And then Uncle Sam is going to come calling. Flint: And God, I guarantee you, will send you straight to hell. I have it on good authority, so, just FYI. Judge McPhee: Those are risks we are willing to take. Lance: You might as well kill us all then. Johnny: Here, here! Judge McPhee: I am not going to kill you all. You are proving even more reckless than I believed. Johnny: Your Honor, if I may, I believe what we are saying is we will not choose. Judge McPhee: Very well, then I will choose for you. Lance: So you're going to choose one of us to go, then. Judge McPhee: I will choose one of you to face judgment, that is correct. Lance: I'm thinking that maybe, that just maybe, the federal law enforcement, when they catch wind of the fact that you're holding a kangaroo court and killing innocent folks, may be a little bit upset. Johnny: I reckon they might. Lance: And then we also happen to have Ellie Bishop, who is a law enforcement officer in her own right, who you're threatenin' to kill. I just don't know how well that sits over here. And I could be wrong. I could be wrong on this. But it seems like you may want to take a second to think about this decision. Johnny: We ain't done one thing wrong, Your Honor, and you ain't proved nothing. This, as I recall, is the United States of America and we are innocent until proven guilty. Is that incorrect? Do you disagree, Your Honor? Judge McPhee: Let me tell you something, Mr. Rhodes. The way things typically work around here, we would have hanged all 5 of you the second you walked into the Boot Jack Saloon without reporting that professor dead. Consider this a courtesy that only 1 of you might die today. Johnny: Well, then maybe you ought to do it. Jay (Lance): First time? Judge McPhee: I am just going to pick for you. Jay (Lance): Did he say pick 4 of us? Brandon (Flint): He just said 1 of us. Jay (Lance): Why would you pick 4 of us? I thought there was only 2. Judge McPhee: Pick 1 on your behalf. Chuck (Johnny): Johnny stands up and says, Johnny: Well, then I suppose I volunteer as tribute. Chuck (Johnny): And he goes up and picks up his letter opener and he holds it right in front of himself and he says, Johnny: If you're going to shoot a federal officer, you do it. Judge McPhee: As much as I appreciate your letter opener, Mr. Rhodes, we did not find any other evidence or documentation that you are involved in federal law enforcement. Johnny: And you didn't provide any proof that we did anything. Judge, you don't believe me, you go ahead and shoot and you know that you're going to lose that job and that bench you work so hard for. Lance: I think he may actually be hung. Johnny: Reckon I hope he gets that good. How's Las Cruces going to look when it's crawling with U.S. marshals? cuppycup (Keeper): The judge gestures for the sheriff and guards to take everyone outside the building for the judgment of Johnny Rhodes. Judge McPhee: You will be judged. cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you are standing in the middle of the street while everyone looks on and the townspeople have started to pour out of the buildings to watch this. Chuck, roll a d6 to see how this comes up for Johnny. Chuck (Johnny): And what do I want? cuppycup (Keeper): Well, Jeremiah was 3 and Ellie was 5, so that's where the 2 bullets are. You want anything else for an empty chamber. Just don't roll 3 or 5. Chuck (Johnny): That is a 4. Jay (Lance): Oh my God. Johnny: Suck on my federal nuts, judge! cuppycup (Keeper): The sheriff looks visibly pissed off as he holds the barrel against your forehead and pulls the trigger. Judge McPhee: I believe the Lord has smiled on you today, son. Johnny: I believe the Lord has shat on you, sir. Judge McPhee: And if it is true what you say, Mr. Rhodes, regarding your federal connections, I do hope you will look kindly upon our judgment today and our town. Johnny: I assure you, Your Honor, that I absolutely will not. As God is my witness, this town will be crawling with federal agents by year's end. Ellie: Do you actually have the authority of the federal government, Johnny? Johnny: Well, that's hard to say, Ellie. Lance: Power resides where men think it resides. Johnny: I suppose time will tell. cuppycup (Keeper): Now, let's cut back one more time to yesterday's investigation. Sheriff Higgins: Excuse me, Miss Ida, is it? I'm sorry to bother you. Will you look over these descriptions and let me know if you've done business with these people? Ida: I've never seen this group, Sheriff. How did you even find me out here? You can see I'm busy. Sheriff Higgins: Yeah, but see, here's the thing, Ida. Some folks around our town tell me they seen you arguing with one of these fellows in the group. Ida: I don't have time for this. If you want to charge me with something, do it. But I can't help you. I don't know these people. And you're being an asshole. cuppycup (Keeper): You are listening to Ain’t Slayed Nobody. For ad-free episodes, heaps of bonus content, and special programming please join our posse at patreon.com/aintslayed or subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody+ at Apple Podcasts. See the show notes for full credits, and help us grow by posting friendly reviews and spreading the word to your friends and followers. Thank you and good luck out there!