Note: Ain't Slayed Nobody is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors. TOTALLY-NOT-A-CULT GATHERING, EPISODE 1: FAMILY MEETING cuppycup (Keeper): Ain’t Slayed Nobody is a produced actual play podcast intended for adults and may contain material that some people find disturbing. Please see the episode notes for content warnings and listen with care. Colin Mochrie: Hey, there everybody, Colin Mochrie from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" here, International comedy icon and of course, role model to pretty much everyone living on the planet as we know now. What is going on? I have been asked by Scott to welcome you all to the Halloween game, all made by Scott. And of course, this is nothing like a cult. Just because a group of people get together following the rantings of one person, Scott, does not make this a cult. I know you're into horror, green pumpkins and you call yourselves the Woof Pack. So much to unravel there. So much. I hope you have a wonderful game. I hope it all goes well. I hope it does not end in bloodshed. Have a great Halloween. And remember, don't trust Scott. Don't trust Scott. Rina (Dusty): *laughing* Oh my God. Wes (Francis): Yes! Scott (Keeper): Words to live by. Rina (Dusty): That's amazing. Wes (Francis): That's my hero! cuppycup (Lincoln): So thank you, Colin Mochrie, paid fan of the show now. Rina (Dusty): Oh my god. Wes (Francis): Yeah, I needed that. Scott (Keeper): I think we should just wrap things up there. We're never going to top that. ('HALLOWEEN' BY JOHNNY KNOX PLAYS) cuppycup (Lincoln): So what are we playing today, Scott? Scott (Keeper): Those lovely people on the Ain't Slayed Nobody Discord gave us a whole bunch of suggestions and then we had a vote among all the listeners as to which suggestions for topics sounded the most interesting. cup sent me a list of the top 10. I've winnowed them down a bit to ones that I think that I can do something with. I still don't know how I'm going to bring any of them in, but well, let's find out. I think in honor of the top suggestion, this episode should be called "Totally Not a Cult Gathering." So just to set things up, I mean, we've had a little discussion ahead of time. And when I say little, I am not overselling this. We know that you are playing members of the Duncan family, who are on a family trip, a holiday to somewhere in rural Maine, and that is pretty much as far as we've got without this guidance. So do you want to ntroduce the various Duncans who are on this road trip? cuppycup (Lincoln): And we can just go in the order on screen again, if you want to start, Joe? Joe (Silas): Well, I'm Silas Duncan. I'm the family patriarch as well. I like fishing and boats and being on the sea, and I hope we're going to get lost on that in this adventure. cuppycup (Lincoln): Are you in your 70s or so? Because I have myself in my 50s. Joe (Silas): I am 79 with a size of 80. Wes (Francis): Pepperidge Farm also remembers that I love this accent. I love it. Joe (Silas): I was going to be Russian, but apparently that's not allowed in the Duncan family. *laughs* cuppycup (Lincoln): No, you can be Russian. I think that would be cool. Wes (Francis): *Russian accent* I am patriarch of Duncan family. Rina (Dusty): *Russian accent* What are you talking about? Of course we are Russians. We are Russian Duncanoffs. Wes (Francis): We are spies. Fuck you. cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughs* Oh God. We almost got through one introduction before going off the rails. How about you, Rina? Intro Music: Alright. So I'm playing Dusty Duncan, Silas's granddaughter and Lincoln's daughter. I'm 19, studying history and acting at a local community college and waitressing on the side. Very unenthused about this entire trip because I have so many books I could be reading right now. And God, why do I have to go with all of these people and my stupid brother? And oh, I hate the woods. cuppycup (Lincoln): I felt some out of character stuff going on there. So let's go to Wes next. Wes (Francis): I'm Francis Gerald Duncan. You know, 17 year old aspiring musician. I'm looking forward to this road trip as much as I can because I'm gonna see a lot of the countryside of these great United States of America, and I'm in the mood of writing a good old concept album to kind of bring everybody together through the act of drinking beer and red dirt and farm equipment. I am Lincoln's son and Silas grandson, and I'm just real stoked to be here. cuppycup (Lincoln): Ok, I am Lincoln Duncan and I went...the Russian thing, got in my head and I fucking cannot shake it. Wes (Francis): I love it. Keep it up. Scott (Keeper): *laughs* I'm guessing at some point Lincoln had a head injury and developed foreign accent syndrome. cuppycup (Lincoln): Let me rewind. I'm Lincoln Duncan, Silas's boy. I was raised in the Maritimes. My father was a fisherman, my mother was a fisherman's friend, of course, and I moved from the Maritimes down the turnpike to sweet New England. And I think this vacation is going to bring me close to my teenage home. So I'm excited about that. I have two kind of rascal children, Dusty and Francis, you know, I thought it would be good to get the whole family together and and go on an adventure. And, you know, get everyone out of the boredom of the chowder. Colin Mochrie: *Boston accent* The chowdah? Wes (Francis): Fuckin' chowdah. Joe (Silas): Chowdah! Rina (Dusty): Scott's losing sanity by the second. cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh, Scott, we do have a lot of different gear and possessions from the chat that we could have in our packs. I thought I might give a couple of items to everybody. Scott (Keeper): *slowly* Oh, ok. Why the fuck not? cuppycup (Lincoln): Silas has a raw T-Bone steak and aluminum foil. Dusty has a staple remover and an Optimus Prime toy. Rina (Dusty): *bemused* I don't know what that is. Wes (Francis): *incredulous* An Optimus Prime toy? cuppycup (Lincoln): It's a Transformer... Joe (Silas): You may need to know what that is. *laughs* cuppycup (Lincoln): Trucks that turn into big robots? Oh, let me give you a different item, actually, if you don't know Optimus Prime. So a staple remover and super glue is what you have Rina (Dusty): Useful for shutting my brother up. cuppycup (Lincoln): Francis is going to have a second smaller backpack inside his backpack. Wes (Francis): That's exactly right. cuppycup (Lincoln): And the entire Rust discography on CD. Wes (Francis): Ok. *laughs* cuppycup (Lincoln): I have a fistful of Monopoly dollars from the original edition and a gold sharpie. I'm sure we'll find wonderful uses for these things. Scott (Keeper): So to set the scene, then, it is autumn. Well, it's coming up to Halloween. In fact, why not say that it is Halloween, and you have gone out on this road trip as a family together and you've made a booking on the internet for a B&B, which given everyone's love of the sea and fishing and so on, sounds like the absolute perfect place for you in coastal Maine, a place called Lonely Lighthouse. You've put the address into your satnav, and for the past 20 minutes it has been taking you steadily inland and you're now driving through the farmland. You've gone through some cornfields. I'm assuming they grow corn in Maine. If not, they do now. And... cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughs* They grow lobsters. Scott (Keeper): But now you've moved past that and you can see a big farmhouse up ahead and surrounding it. There's what looked like a large pumpkin patches growing there, you know, fairly ripe-looking gourds all around, you know, a few people out tending them, dressed in white clothes and hats, tending the fields. There's a few other people doing repairs around the house. It's a big old, probably farmhouse with a few outbuildings. And as you're driving up, everyone is stopping and looking at you fairly openly. Rina (Dusty): *chanting* Outsiders, outsiders. cuppycup (Lincoln): What color were those pumpkins? Scott (Keeper): The pumpkins are largely orange. There are a few green ones. They're just all ripening. But most of them do look ripe. Lincoln: I assumed this was on the coast. Francis, you found this booking, didn't you? Did it say anything about a farm? Francis: Yeah, dad, it said there was a farm there and you know, you know what I'm doing. You know what... I'm trying to write some music and I wanted to get, you know, acquainted with farm life up north. And it looks like these northerners here are dressing weird. Dusty: "Music." Francis: Don't don't mock what I do. You "act". Dusty: Oh, I "act" better than you "music". Francis: Oh, ok. Well, that doesn't say much because you suck! Lincoln: Look, I'm going to pull over this car because we're at our destination, but also because you're pissing me off. Francis: Oh look, dad's flexing. Lincoln: Don't fight in front of your grandfather. He's very sensitive. Silas: Oh, what was that now? Dusty: He taught us to fight! Joe (Silas): Grandfather pulls out a pair of headphones. He's listening to some music. Rina (Dusty): *sings* Sweet Caroline. Silas: Yeah, this doesn't look quite right. I thought we were going to the sea. I packed my fishing gear. Hey, you there? Joe (Silas): He shouts at the nearest person. Silas: Where are we? We near the sea? Wes (Francis): This middle-aged man with fairly white, fluffy hair or gray, fluffy hair, curly hair sticking out in all random directions and a pair of small round glasses walks up to you and says, Brother Silas: Oh, hello. Are you lost? Silas: What's that? Speak up. Brother Silas: Are you lost? Silas: No, we're not lost, I just asked you if we're near the sea. Scott (Keeper): He looks around. There is no sea to be seen. Silas: Not very helpful around here, are they? Right, Let me see if I can find a map. Joe (Silas): And I start fishing under the seat. Silas: You don't keep a map under the seat, boy? Dusty: Maps are so 1990s, granddad. Silas: Well, that's why we never got lost in the 1990s. We used the map anyway. Where is it, goddamnit? Brother Silas: What are you trying to find? Silas: A map! Didn't you hear me? Lincoln: I apologize. Wes (Francis): He did say he was fishing for the map, so maybe he could use those skills. Scott (Keeper): *laughs* The man's broad, amiable smile does look a little narrower and less amiable as as the conversation goes on. Silas: We're trying to find a lighthouse, a lighthouse. We're staying in a lighthouse. Brother Silas: This is Lonely Lighthouse. Are you here for Halloween? Dusty: Oh, they're in costumes. Oh no. Francis: Wait, aren't you an "actress"? Don't you like costumes? Dusty: But not for Halloween. It's just so...childish. Francis: Oh look, look, "my name's Dusty. I think everything is stupid." Dusty: Well, at least I grew up, Francis. Francis: Oh, did you grow up? Are you, are you a whole two years older than me? Oh wow. Look at you. Tell me, what do you know, oh wise and aged one? Lincoln: I apologize for my father, but... Silas: You don't need to apologize for me. I apologize for myself when I say somethin' that needs apologizing for. Lincoln: It's fine, here. Oh oh look, I found some peanut butter crackers here. Here you go, dad. Silas: I'm not a dog. Francis: What, are you tryin' to just feed grandpa? What is your problem, dad? Silas: You know the doctor told me not to eat so much. I've got to lose weight. You don't feed me any peanut butter crackers. Lincoln: They're, they're organic. It's fine. Dusty: Francis, you remembered to hide the sardines, right? Francis: No, I didn't remember to hide the sardines. I love it when grandpappy eats. Dusty: Oh God. Lincoln: Sir, why is there a lighthouse here? We haven't seen any water for 30 miles. Brother Silas: Huh. I'll tell you what, I'll find Mother Brenda, shall I? And she can explain everything to you. Lincoln: That would be wonderful. Dusty: "Mother Brenda"? Oh my god. Francis: Maybe they're preparing for global warming. You know, the lighthouse will eventually be here when it needs to be here. Scott (Keeper): He's walking away, but as you say that, he turns and stops and gives you a big wink and then carries on walking back towards the house. Lincoln: That was weird. Silas: Well, if we're here, we're here, maybe we should all get out, then. I need to go spend a penny. Francis: Did he wink? Dusty: He winked. Francis: That was a weird wink, wasn't it? Dusty: It wasn't like a stage wink, Francis: And that was way worse than your acting wink. Your acting wink is like *exaggerated wink* I mean, this was like, terrible. cuppycup (Lincoln): I feel like Lincoln's been driving like two miles per hour across this land, and they've been talking to this guy as he's walking alongside the car. Wes (Francis): Been driving with a parking brake on. cuppycup (Lincoln): Is there a little place I can park in front of the farmhouse? Scott (Keeper): Yeah, there's plenty of empty space there. There are a couple of trucks and a few cars parked there already. Lincoln: Alright, kids, help your grandfather get out of the car and get situated, and we'll figure out what's going on here. We need to find a fishing hole or something, or he's going to go mad. Wes (Francis): Francis walks around to the other side of the car and opens the door and extends his hand to grandpappy and begins to pull. Lincoln: Oh, you got to get the seat belt first. Scott (Keeper): *amused* Not if you pull hard enough. Francis: *grunts* Come on now. Wes (Francis): I went Jeremiah there. Francis: Sorry, grandpappy. Silas: Hang on there, hang on there. Alright, fine. I'm ready now. Pull! Scott (Keeper): While you're trying to extricate grandpa from the car, the man you spoke to earlier comes out, and he's accompanied by a fairly short, round woman with iron gray hair and bright blue eyes, who seems to have pretty much the same smile as he has. And she wanders over to the car and says, Mother Brenda: Oh, hello. I hear that you've come to stay with us. Is that right? Did you make a booking? Lincoln: Francis, do you have that on your phone? Or Dusty? Francis: Dad, I sent you the email four times to keep it at the top of your inbox. Now what in the hell could you have done to lose it? Wes (Francis): And he pulls out his phone. Lincoln: And could you bubble that to the top of my inbox again? Francis: I'm just going to show it to her because I got it. Alright, daddy? Lincoln: Ok. Yeah, that's good. Scott (Keeper): She takes the phone off you and pulls out a pair of reading glasses, looks at it and says, Mother Brenda: Oh. Francis: I didn't say you could touch my phone. Scott (Keeper): She doesn't ask permission before doing so. Yeah, she puts on a pair of reading glasses and squints at the screen and says, Mother Brenda: Oh, oh yes, yes, you do have a booking. Oh, we don't normally take bookings at this time of year. That, well, that must have been a mistake. I think we do, we do rent rooms through most of the year, but Halloween, not usually. But oh, have you come a long way? Dusty: So fucking long. Mother Brenda: Oh, you poor dear. Lincoln: We don't know from where, but we're here. Francis: It was definitely somewhere south of here, and it took a long damn time. Mother Brenda: Well, I suppose we can find room for you. We are a bit full up, but as long as you don't mind sharing a room, I'm sure we can accommodate you. Silas: What, with each other or with some of these guys in the dresses? Mother Brenda: Oh, it's up to you, I suppose. Yes. I mean, if you're happy to to share with, with some of our other residents, yes, you'd be perfectly welcome to do that. We're a very welcoming group here. Dusty: I haven't shared a bedroom since I was 5. Rina (Dusty): Shooting daggers at Francis. Mother Brenda: Oh. Silas: When I was young, I shared a bedroom with 4 sisters and 7 brothers. You should feel yourself lucky. Although we got mighty cozy in the winter, which was a really good thing on us because it got mighty cold. cuppycup (Lincoln): It's like Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka. *laughs* Lincoln: Yeah, how many people stay in a room here, ma'am? Mother Brenda: Oh, it depends on the room, but we do have an awful lot of people staying with us at the moment. Francis: I thought you said didn't book rooms, ma'am. Mother Brenda: Well, this is, I suppose you'd call it, a charter booking. Silas: Like a plane or a boat? Joe (Silas): His eyes light up. Dusty: Grandpa, I don't think they get boats out here. Silas: Well, of course they get boats out here. There'll be like a lake or a pond or a puddle or something. You got boats out here, haven't you, ladies? Mother Brenda: Well, we do have a pond out back, yes. Silas: Well, there you go. I told you, Dusty. We'll go, we'll go check into our rooms. Then you can show us this pond. Lincoln: Is it like a duck tour? We take the bus and then it turns into a boat kind of situation? Francis: Yeah, man, those aren't fun. Mother Brenda: No. Lincoln: Good. We'll take a room for four, I think. Let's just...can we stick together here? Mother Brenda: Sure. Give me a moment. Scott (Keeper): She turns round to the man and says, Mother Brenda: Brother Silas. Would you go and see whether you could arrange for perhaps some of the other brethren to move around and accommodate our new friends? Joe (Silas): She talking to me? Scott (Keeper): *laughs* No. Silas: Hey, what do you know? My name's Silas as well. Brother Silas: Oh, really? Scott (Keeper): He says. Silas: Ironically, it means the youngest one. That's what that name means. Scott (Keeper): The other Silas looks at you and says, Brother Silas: I can tell we're going to be great friends. Dusty: Oh no. Silas: Come on, boy, lead the way you, can tell me all about it. Dusty: At least gramps has someone to keep him occupied. Francis: Are they calling each other brother? Dusty: Uh huh. Lincoln: Are you all related here? Is this like a family reunion? Scott (Keeper): Who are you asking? Mother Brenda? cuppycup (Lincoln): The woman. Mother Brenda: Yes. Scott (Keeper): She says. She looks thoughtful for a moment and says, Mother Brenda: I suppose you could call it something like that. Francis: Yes, ok, but like, what would you literally call it? Mother Brenda: I suppose you'd call us...friends. Lincoln: Are you... Dusty: Like Quakers? Lincoln: Yeah, Mennonites. Something like that> Francis: Pennsylvania Dutch? Mother Brenda: No, no, not exactly. Silas: No, Lincoln, look at what they're wearing. It's like that Midsommar film you tried to show me on Netflix. Francis: Yeah, I didn't last five minutes on that one. Silas: No, neither did I. It seemed nice and friendly at the beginning, though Dusty: You just didn't appreciate the quality of the storytelling in that movie. It was brilliant. Silas: Honestly, they started taking drugs not to end it right off. You don't need any of that. You just need good living to make your day a good day. Go fishing. Lincoln: Dusty, you showed that trash to grandpa? Dusty: And I tried to. I had to watch it for school. It was a project. Francis: For her "acting." Lincoln: I told you he's squeamish. Silas: Honestly, it was a lot better than that one you showed me about that girl who had her head knocked off. Dusty: Well, which one, gramps? There was like three of them. Silas: No, there was one you showed me about like a whole tribe who lived out in the hills and they all wore white robes. Dusty: Oh, that one. Silas: There was one you showed me about a girl who had her head knocked off. Lincoln: Was that "Death Becomes Her"? Silas: No, they were in like a car. Francis: Yeah, that's a good one. I love that one. Silas: You said they were related or somethin'. Dusty: Well, at least we're not getting into any kind of Children of the Pumpkin situation. It's hard to get lost in a pumpkin patch. Francis: I know Charlie Brown would have something to say about getting lost in a pumpkin patch, Dusty. Or were not paying attention to the Peanuts growing up? Dusty: Not anymore. That's for kids. Rina (Dusty): Dusty pulls a backpack full of really heavy books, ostentatiously full of heavy books, out of the back of the car. She's like, Dusty: Well, at least I'm studying something useful, Francis. Lincoln: Are these rooms refundable? Scott (Keeper): Are you having this conversation while walking into the house? Joe (Silas): Yeah, I think Silas has got, like his arm around Silas and is like shouting behind him at his kids and grandkids. Lincoln: We're trying to keep up with grandpa. Scott (Keeper): So yes, you go inside. Silas: Have you seen Midsommar, Silas? Brother Silas: I don't get to watch a lot of films. Silas: Well, you should. It was really good. Well, at least the first 10 minutes. Francis: Did he say "get to"? Dusty: Yeah, I think he said "get to." Francis: That's weird. It sounds like permission. Scott (Keeper): And as you inside, you can see that there are a few more people bustling around the house. You can make out the doorway to the kitchen and there are a number of people there who seem to be preparing a meal or something. It certainly looks like a hive of activity. There's a doorway to your left that looks like it's going into some kind of common room or living room. And there's a man who's sitting there beside an old fashioned valve radio and he's got his ear pressed to the speaker. You can't hear any music playing or anything like that. cuppycup (Lincoln): And that's not Grandpa? Scott (Keeper): Mother Brenda says, Mother Brenda: Why don't you just wait in the common room for a little bit while we sort out your room for you? I'll see whether I can get some tea for you. Would you like some tea? We have herbal tea. It's lovely. Francis: You got a coke or something? Lincoln: Yeah, black coffee, please. Mother Brenda: Oh no, no, no. We don't drink anything like that. Dusty: Oh, they're like the Jehovah's Witnesses. I've got it. Lincoln: Do you have Lipton? Like black tea with lemon flavoring? Mother Brenda: No, no, no. We do have some of Margaret's special pumpkin tea. cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughs* Oh God. Lincoln: Just a glass of milk for me. Francis: Got any Neil Diamond music? cuppycup (Lincoln): Go ask the guy listening to the valve Radio. Joe (Silas): While this is going on, Silas has just wandered over to this guy doing the radio and he's like peering over his shoulder. Silas: I used to have one of them, like just on my boat. I only really picked up truckers, though you'd hear the sort of nonsense they'd say, well, they were driving on through the day and the night. You wouldn't believe. What are you trying to tune into, boy? Scott (Keeper): He looks up at you sideways. He doesn't take his ear away from the speaker and just places one finger to his lips. Brother Dan: *whispers* Quiet. Silas: What's that, boy? Speak up. Scott (Keeper): And he ignores you and just plugs his finger in his other ear. Silas: Well, that's not right, boy. If you want to go louder, you got to twiddle these things. Joe (Silas): He'll, you know, reach over and grab on the dials. Wes (Francis): Yes. Yes! Scott (Keeper): *laughs* Ok. Yeah, you twiddle one of the knobs and there is a sudden blast of static and this young man jumps up in clutching his other ear. You can see for a moment the absolute fury on his face as he's looking at it, Silas. And then he takes a deep breath and he smiles at you and says, Brother Dan: Brother, please, I have duties to attend to. Scott (Keeper): And taps you on the shoulder. Silas: I'll play with your radio while you go through your duties, then. Joe (Silas): And he'll sit down in the seat he's now vacated. Dusty: Oh, look at granddad making friends. Scott (Keeper): The man looks panicked for a moment, and I mean, at this stage, Mother Brenda comes back in and and he just runs over to her and says, Brother Dan: Is he taking over my duties? Is he listening for the signal? Oh God! Scott (Keeper): Mother Brenda smiles and and walks over and says, Mother Brenda: Mr. Duncan, sir, would you be so kind as to perhaps sit somewhere else down here? Brother Dan has a special interest which he's trying to follow at the moment, and he needs to listen to the radio in order to do that. Joe (Silas): At this point, Silas has got one earphone in. He turns around, looks at her, and goes, *taps ear* Francis: Whatcha hearin', Grandpa? Silas: I'm not hearing anything yet. Rina (Dusty): Dusty's looking at Francis and mouthing "the signal." Silas: Hey, here you go. I found you some truckers. Look, here you go. I can hear them! Scott (Keeper): Can you give me a POWER roll, please? cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh God. Rina (Dusty): First roll of the game. Yay! Joe (Silas): That is a 20 vs. my POW of more than 20. Rina (Dusty): *amused* Are you sure? Joe (Silas): 50! HARD SUCCESS! Wes (Francis): Yeah! Scott (Keeper): Ok. You do hear what sounds like a whispering coming through the static on the radio. It's oh, it's not quite tuned into a channel. You haven't been able to find a channel, but you can hear, maybe it's just your brain picking up patterns in the static, or maybe it is a voice whispering there and it's just saying "Prepare the light, prepare the light, prepare the light." Silas: This is damn strange. I've never heard a trucker talking about preparing any lights and things. Normally they're talking about, you know, hookers at gas stations. Dusty: Granddad! Language! Francis: That's what my next album is about, grandpa. Silas: I'd like to hear that. Scott (Keeper): Brother Dan and Mother Brenda look at each other excitedly as you're talking about that. Mother Brenda: Is that what you heard there, Silas? Prepare the light? Scott (Keeper): Don't crowd me. Don't let... Hang on. Let me twiddle a little bit more. I'll tell you what I hear. He's like a trucker guy. Mother Brenda: Wonderful. Wonderful. Yes. Yes, yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you! Scott (Keeper): She says. Mother Brenda: Silas, thank you. Maybe it's not an accident that you came here. Maybe, maybe it's for the best that we forgot to update the website. Oh, we are so happy to have you here. Lincoln: What kind of business is that you do here, ma'am? Mother Brenda: Eh, farming mostly, and obviously the bed and breakfast. Lincoln: And the...what's the light? The light? Mother Brenda: I suppose you could call it an old folk belief, but we believe that there is, I suppose, something about the symbolism of a lighthouse, a light that shines in the darkness, both as a warning and maybe as a beacon. And well, there are certain times when the lighthouse must be lit and at this time of year... Silas: No offense, Mother Brenda, but if your lighthouse is going to be figurative rather than physical, you want to put that there on your website. Lincoln: Yes, good. Good point, dad. This is a bait and switch and we want a refund, but we will be staying the night. Francis: Tell him, Dad! Lincoln: Yes. Thank you, Francis. Scott (Keeper): Well, I'm sure we can come to some kind of arrangement. Yes. Yes. I mean, after the service you've done here...yes. It's the least we can do to have you stay here as our guests. Yes. All your fees will be refunded. Lincoln: Service? Is there any way you could refund that in cash? I know we used a card to to pay, but. Francis: You're pushing it, dad. Dusty: I thought you got out of the money laundering business, dad. cuppycup (Lincoln): I'm a fisherman, ok? It's what we do. Francis: Is launder money? Lincoln: There's a lot of time to think out on the boats. Schemes just pop into our brains. What can I say? Lincoln: I would think that fishermen fish. Silas: I think I know what your problem is here; you haven't got a proper aerial. Joe (Silas): I'm going to take the side of this radio and I'm going to try and fashion an aerial out of aluminum foil and a T-Bone steak, see if I can get some ham radio. Rina (Dusty): I'm going to hand him the super glue, like, Dusty: It'll probably stick better if you use this. Silas: Honestly, I'd rather have an Optimus Prime toy if I could choose, but... Dusty: Dad wouldn't let us watch TV when we were growing up, so I don't know these words. Lincoln: That's not fair, Dusty. Remember the Sunday morning bass boat show? We watched that as a family. I used to rouse you out of bed at 6:00 a.m. and we watched the bass fishing. Francis: God damn it. Don't bring that up again, dad. Dusty: My therapist is getting so much money out of that. Francis: Look at her. "I'm in therapy and I'm an actor. I'm a trope." Dusty: I'm a trope, am I, Mr. "17 year old musician drops out of high school, doesn't go to college, has very ill-suited tattoos and a nose ring"? cuppycup (Lincoln): And Rush's entire discography. *laughs* Francis: Yeah, but that trope's getting paid by a lot of idiots right now. Lincoln: Francis, I know you're into some odd shit; is this some kind of cult, in your opinion? Francis: It doesn't *not* look like a cult. It's not *not* a cult that I can tell you that I've been watching a lot of stuff on Netflix about cults, and this looks culty. Lincoln: *mutters* Ok, looks culty. Dusty: You won't watch them with me when I ask, but you'll watch them on your own? I see how it is. Francis: No, because you pause it and go, like, "am I nailing the role of a cult member?" And then you do some bullshit act out, make me want to jump out the window. Lincoln: This is why we stick to the bass fishing shows. Listen, ma'am, that reminds me, is the pond out back stocked by any chance? We'd love to do some fishing while we're here. Mother Brenda: Oh, I don't know. I don't know what you'd catch there, but you're welcome to try. Lincoln: So not stocked. Mother Brenda: Maybe you'll have better luck if you wait until night time. Lincoln: Night time? I was thinking at daybreak or something right before dawn. Is there any way we could just sit grandpa out there in a chair and make him think that it's stocked? Scott (Keeper): Mother Brenda looks round as you say that. cuppycup (Lincoln): I assume he can hear me. Joe (Silas): I rolled a 97 on my ELECTRICAL REPAIR roll to set this up. I have 10%. Scott (Keeper): Ok, so I think at this stage, some juices from the steak have dripped into the radio and it's now sparking. It's gone from that hiss of static to this screeching voice just going "prepare the light! Prepare the light!" Silas: I apologize. I was trying to get a trucker, but I don't want this, it's some Jesus radio. Francis: Now we're never going to get any music. Scott (Keeper): Mother Brenda looked shocked and says, Mother Brenda: Father Silas, oh, we do not allow meat in this house. Silas: Well, I apologize. Joe (Silas): And I'll grab the T-Bone steak and like, bite the remaining meat off the bone. Wes (Francis): *amused* Just cleans it like a cartoon. Dusty: What do you mean you don't allow meat? Mother Brenda: We are devout vegetarians. Dusty: Francis? Francis, what the fuck? Mother Brenda: Except for ceremonial purposes, that is. Lincoln: Oh, like some kind of meat trade? Mother Brenda: Excuse me, if I can just take that and dispose of it safely, Father Silas? Is that all right? Lincoln: No. Cook that! Silas: No, of course not. You don't take a man's steak! Lincoln: Yeah, tell 'em, dad. Scott (Keeper): She smiles as if you've agreed and plucks it out of your hand. Joe (Silas): She's going to have to roll for BRAWL if she wants to get this steak out of my hand. Scott (Keeper): Fantastic. Let's have a opposed BRAWL roll to see whether you can hold onto your steak. Rina (Dusty): *laughs* Oh my god. Joe (Silas): I rolled a 91. Scott (Keeper): She rolled a 98, that's a FUMBLE. So I think in the process, the tussle, you have accidentally rammed the bone of the steak into Mother Brenda's palm. It's just sticking in there. There's blood pouring out of the hole there, and she's just looking at it in shock, saying, Mother Brenda: This is precisely why we don't allow meat, Scott (Keeper): She says, and faints. Dusty: *horrified* Because people tend to stab each other with their steaks? Francis: I've never seen that before. Scott (Keeper): There are a number of the white-robed figures who are now running over in alarm, like, Brother Dan: Mother Brenda! What have you done to Mother Brenda? What have you done? Dusty: She fainted. Joe (Silas): Silas turns around and is just like, Silas: She just grabbed my steak. You saw what happened. Everyone saw it! You saw it, Lincoln, didn't you? You saw it. Lincoln: This is unnecessary. Please just give us some space. Let us get settled. This is you're making us very uncomfortable here. Francis: Yeah, y'all got to back off. Scott (Keeper): They're ignoring you at the moment. They're all kneeling down, pretty much pushing each other away, just tending to Mother Brenda and making sure she's all right. Silas: Move aside, I'll help her up. Move aside. Joe (Silas): I mean, Silas is enormous. He's like STRENGTH 70, SIZE 80, and he's just going to shift everybody, and he's going to attempt to roll FIRST AID. Silas: I'll get that thing out. Don't worry. Don't worry, sir, I can help you. I've seen this happen before during an eating competition, someone got a bit too handy and well, it went straight into his hand as it were. Joe (Silas): That is a 35 vs. my FIRST AID of 40. SUCCESS. Scott (Keeper): Ok, so yeah, you can get the bone out without doing any more damage and staunch the bleeding. Joe (Silas): I'm going to pocket the steak. Lincoln: Nothing to see here, folks. Dad's on the case. Good job. Scott (Keeper): *amused* Now that it's nice and juicy again with Mother Brenda's blood. Mother Brenda begins to stir again a bit. And she says, Mother Brenda: I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure what came over me there. Silas: It's probably not eating meat for a long time. You just saw a steak and couldn't control yourself. I understand, I've been that way before myself. Dusty: You're probably anemic. Francis: You need to get some iron supplementation going on. Mother Brenda: I should get this bandaged, Scott (Keeper): She says. She's ignoring you completely, just muttering about bandages, and walks off in the direction of the kitchen. There are about a dozen of the totally not a cult members standing in the living room as she wanders off, just looking at you angrily. Lincoln: Everything's under control, folks, my dad took care of it. Probably some kind of army, navy training, navy, most likely. Rina (Dusty): Coast Guard. cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughs* Yeah, lifeguard, actually. Scott (Keeper): Do you want to give me a PERSUADE, FAST TALK, or CHARM, cup? cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh no, I don't want to give you any of those. Oh, I have good PERSUADE. Never mind. I have 70, so I wrote two d10s, so I'll just call it a 37, then, because that's how I saw it. Scott (Keeper): Ok. So yeah, they look at to you with a bit of hostility, but there's there's murmuring among the ranks and they begin to dissipate. Lincoln: See kids, that's how you talk to people. You don't mutter shit behind their backs and under your breath, you just got to talk to them. Francis: Yeah, whatever, dad, Dusty: You don't chant in the dark woods under a full moon? Francis: Dusty, what the fuck? Lincoln: If we just stuck to the bass shows, you kids wouldn't be so fucked, Dusty: Francis. It's a cult. Of course they chant in the dark woods under a full moon. Scott (Keeper): There's one of the totally not a cult members who's walking out and overhears this and looks back and says, Not a Cultist: Don't be silly, there aren't any woods around here. Francis: Alright. Dusty: In the pumpkin patch, then. Francis: Let's not give them ideas. Scott (Keeper): He just shakes his head and walks off. cuppycup (Lincoln): Can Lincoln follow Brenda into the kitchen to apologize for Silas? Insincerely? Scott (Keeper): *laughs* Sure. Wes (Francis): Time to die, cup. cuppycup (Lincoln): I just want to try to smooth it over with Brenda. Yeah, if that was her name, I think it was, like 90210. Scott (Keeper): It was Mother Brenda. Scott (Keeper): So... Wes (Francis): *laughs* He just referenced 90210! cuppycup (Lincoln): Brenda Walsh. Scott (Keeper): Cutting edge pop cultural references here. Joe (Silas): Right? Transformers. *laughs* cuppycup (Lincoln): So yeah, I just want to follow Mother Brenda. Maybe even like pull on her dress or her robe to get her attention. Scott (Keeper): Ok, well, by the time you catch up with her, and you've forced your way through the dispersing totally not a cult members, she's in the kitchen, running her hand under some cold water, and one of the women is bringing some cloth over. You can see the others are busy, they're chopping vegetables. There's what appears to be, you know, a series of pumpkin pies in the making, some salads and there's what smells like quite a tasty stew on the go at the moment. cuppycup (Lincoln): Hmm. Ok. Well, tasty vegetarian stew? I'm not sure, Scott. Lincoln: I'm sorry. Excuse me, was it, was it Belinda? I just wanted to kind of stop shop in the kitchen and apologize for my father's behavior back there, even though he did an ace job kind of patching you up. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot with you, with our family just kind of storming in and demanding things from our room and refunds and things like that. So if you could just maybe get a setup with some fishing, I don't, we don't really want to wait until night. If we could just get dad out in front of the pond and a chair, I think everything would calm down and we could just kind of relax and enjoy the night. Mother Brenda: Oh, yes, of course. Yes, there's some porch furniture around the back on the decking there. You could perhaps take some of that down to, next to the pond. And yes, if that's going to keep your your father happy, then we want everyone here to be happy. Lincoln: Oh, good. I'm glad you said that. Do you have some gameboys or something that we could give to the kids? Because they seem to be getting a little riled up. Mother Brenda: No... Lincoln: Some pictionary, maybe? Mother Brenda: No. Lincoln: That's a shame. Mother Brenda: No, we don't really have anything like that here. Lincoln: Ok. Mother Brenda: Don't you think it's important to try to be as happy as you can because you never know when all of this is going to come to an end, do you? Lincoln: Ok...uh... Mother Brenda: So, do you have your own fishing gear? Lincoln: We do. We do have our own fishing gear. cuppycup (Lincoln): Backing out of the kitchen now. Lincoln: Yeah, we just want to be happy here for this one day that we're staying. Mother Brenda: Oh, good. Good. Yes. One day is all any of us can really hope for, isn't it? Lincoln: Nope. Nope. Do you mind? cuppycup (Lincoln): And I'm going to gesture to the pumpkin pie to see if maybe I can get a slice. Rina (Dusty): Is it a green pumpkin pie? Mother Brenda: It's not baked yet. It is waiting to go in the oven. Lincoln: Oh, ok, well, the spread looks delicious. Well, maybe we'll see you around supper time. We're going to do our own thing for a while. Mother Brenda: Oh yes. Yes. You're welcome to join us for for the meal tonight. I'm afraid it's going to be a very communal meal and there'll be a lot of sharing. But as long as you join us in the spirit in which is intended, then yes, you are perfectly welcome to join us. Lincoln: Listen, we're not that kind of family. We're not going to put our keys in the jar or whatever it is you do here. But, but we will join you for dinner and but not any of the ceremonial things that you have planned. Wes (Francis): Casual knowledge of orgies?! cuppycup (Lincoln): Listen, I grew up in Canada. Scott (Keeper): She laughs and taps you on the back of your hand and says, Mother Brenda: You are silly. We don't do ties like that, not at this time of year. That would be completely inappropriate. Scott (Keeper): And she walks off, chuckling to herself. Rina (Dusty): That's a springtime thing, right? Mother Brenda: This is a time for, well, for gathering in the fruits. cuppycup (Lincoln): Yeah, I'm going to return to the family, our family. Rina (Dusty): Well, while you were doing that, Dusty was was going to pull Francis aside. Dusty: We should sneak around while dad's not looking. cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh no. Francis: Yeah, I totally agree with you. Dusty: I bet this is a cult. Francis: Yeah, it feels like a cult. Let's go find out. Dusty: Right. Yeah. Francis: We should go exploring. Dusty: We should. Just the two of us. Split the party. Francis: Yeah, just us by ourselves. Let's go. Is there an attic that we could get into? Dusty: Or a basement? Francis: Maybe a basement. That's better. Scott (Keeper): Yeah! cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughing* I'm so happy. Rina (Dusty): *laughs* We're gonna sneak off and do some exploring. Wes (Francis): *Shaggy voice* Ah zoinks, Scoob, let's go! Scott (Keeper): So you're going to try to find the basement. Considering you're blundering around, I'm assuming you're opening doors at random, let's have a GROUP LUCK roll between the two of you. So whichever one of you has got the lower LUCK. Wes (Francis): I've got 80. What do you got? Rina (Dusty): I got 70. Wes (Francis): Alright. Do it! Scott (Keeper): Blimey. I'm not used to investigators with this much LUCK. Rina (Dusty): We use Dhole's House for the for the roll up and it gave us really good LUCK. Alright. 68 under 70, that's a SUCCESS. Scott (Keeper): Ok. So yeah, you look around the side of the kitchen where you think it would be logical to have a door down to the cellar and sure enough, you see a flight of stairs down. Dusty: Hey, I found it! Francis: We'll rock, paper, scissors for who goes first. Dusty: Ok. Rina (Dusty): And then "rock, paper, scissors." Francis: One more time, we tied. One two three. Go! I went Paper. What'd you roll? Dusty: *laughs* Paper. Francis: Oh shit. I'll just go first. Dusty: We know each other too well at this point, Francis, you know it never works to play rock, paper, scissors when you've been living together for seventeen years. Francis: That's right. That's right. That's right. Wes (Francis): So Francis goes down the stairs, and Francis gets his cell phone out and clicks the flashlight on. Scott (Keeper): Yeah, that's good, because you don't see anything that looks like a light switch. You're going down these creaky wooden stairs into an earthen cellar, pushing your way through cobwebs. Because of course there are cobwebs. Francis: Doesn't look like people go down here that much. Dusty: Maybe it's where they put the bodies. Francis: Well, then they're not killing that often, because these cobwebs are thick, like you read about, you know? Dusty: Well, you heard her say that they only eat meat on ceremonial occasions. What do you suppose the meat they're eating is? Francis: Well, that's a great question. It could be goat, sheep... Dusty: Francis. Is the weed addling your brain, you crazy musician? Francis: No, the weed's in my pocket, where it belongs. Dusty: I think they eat people. Francis: Well, they may, they may eat people. But they had a pumpkin pie out. Dusty: Who knows what's in that pumpkin pie? Francis: Pumpkin. It's in, it's in the name. Dusty: Oh my god. Just because you call something something doesn't mean that's what it actually is, "musician." Francis: Ok, "waiter". Dusty: Well, I am actuallythat, thank you. Francis: Right, I know, I'm just, I'm just sticking with the narrative. Rina (Dusty): So we go into the basement. Francis: Here we go! Well, you make your way down, and yeah, it's got an earth floor. It's smells of damp down here. You see that there are a few barrels, metal barrels which are marked with "Danger: flammable" on them. There are a few wooden crates of something that has got a strange symbol you don't recognize and writing in a language you don't recognize on them. There's a couple of racks of robes, much like the ones you seen people wearing around the farm. And that's really about it down here. Francis: You want to try these on? Wes (Francis): Francis gestures at the robes. Francis: Like, maybe we could fit in. Dusty: Brother Francis? Scott (Keeper): Yeah, the robes, by the way, the ones that are down here, do look a bit mildewed. They've been down here for a while. Francis: Look, they're ready for the gas crisis. Wes (Francis): Gestures at the flammable...*laughs* Dusty: We should look in the boxes. Francis: Oh, ok. If you want. Rina (Dusty): Well, I'm going to look in one of the boxes. Joe (Silas): Is it another Transformer? Scott (Keeper): *laughs* Yes, a whole box full of Optimus Primes. No. You pull the lid open. It's loosely taped shut, not properly nailed shut, so you can pull it open fairly easily. And inside, there are a few linen sacks that seem to be full of something. Rina (Dusty): What kind of something? Scott (Keeper): Well, if you open up one of the sacks... Rina (Dusty): I do. Scott (Keeper): It looks suspiciously like candy corn. Francis: Hey, candy corn! Happy Halloween! Wes (Francis): Francis grabs a handful and eats. Scott (Keeper): Fantastic. Ok. Yeah, this isn't like any candy corn you've ever had before. It's...there's something about the taste that it almost feels like licking a battery. It kind of sparks on your tongue and fizzles a bit. Well, it is sweet and not completely unpleasant. But yeah, there's that weird sparking feeling as you mush it around your mouth, Francis: It's like 9 volt pop rocks. I don't know what to tell you. It's just all like, all fucked up and like, wow. Try some! Wes (Francis): He hands the bag over. Dusty: This isn't going to be like the time you told me that you were giving me weed and it turned out to be glue, is it? Francis: Well, that's just because you're dumb enough to believe that Elmer's glue was marijuana. Those are, those are way different looking things. And I just thought it was funny as hell when you were like, "Is that weed?" And I looked at the glue and went, "Yeah." Rina (Dusty): So I'll just shrug and reach in and take a handful of them. Like, they're candy corn. Scott (Keeper): Ok, so you've both eaten some of the candy corn? Rina (Dusty): Mm hmm. Scott (Keeper): Yeah... But let's cut back upstairs to Lincoln, who has made arrangements to get his father somewhere to fish. Lincoln: Hey, dad, dad, where did the kids go? Silas: They're just right over.. Well, they said they were going hunting for, uh... Lincoln: Hunting? We're a fishing family. Silas: That's a good point. I wasn't really listening. I was trying to fix this damn radio. I'm sure they're fine. I mean, they're like 14, 15 now? They're probably out on their own. I wouldn't worry about them. Lincoln: Let's look for the damn kids and then we can all go fishing together, maybe. What do you think? They probably went up to the attic if I know them probably, looking for drugs or something, you know? Silas: I reckon they're probably going out fishing before us. I think if we go get the gear, they'll be happy. They'll be waiting for us by the pond. That's what I suggest. Let's go and see if they're there. But let's go get the fishing gear first. I'm sure they're fine. Lincoln: Look, dad, I'd known you for 40 whatever years, 50 years, and you always suggest going to look at the fishing hole first any time anything goes missing. Well, let me ask one of these other people. Maybe they saw where they got off to, at least before we get the gear. Hey, hey everybody? cuppycup (Lincoln): How many are there people still in here, Scott? Scott (Keeper): There were a few in the kitchen preparing the meal. The rest seem to have gone outside to tend to the pumpkins and the other plants. Joe (Silas): Where did that damn guy go? Brother Dan? Is he still upset that I stole his radio? Scott (Keeper): *laughs* You don't see him at the moment. cuppycup (Lincoln): What we could do then is, Lincoln: Ok, dad, let's go outside and we'll ask somebody if they saw where the kids got off to while we're getting the gear together. Silas: Lincoln, you got to understand the kids are absolutely fine. You need to stop being such a helicopter parent. I read that somewhere. You need to give them a longer leash. Lincoln: You don't know these kids. Silas: No, they are old enough to understand what to eat, what not to eat, who to talk to, who not to talk to. Lincoln: Do you remember my upbringing at all? Silas: Exactly. I was too much of a helicopter parent. I stood right over you while you were cutting things with knives and burning things. I should have let you do that on your own. It would have ended up much, much better. Lincoln: I think I turned out pretty well. Yeah, let's go ask, see if somebody found them or saw them go outside. Maybe we'll get the gear. Silas: Boy, you're not listening. I told you, let them be. Let them have their long leash. We're on holiday for Christ's sake. You're on holiday. Let's go enjoy some fishing. Lincoln: I don't... This is going to sound strange, but I don't...I'm not sure I trust these people here, dad. They seem a little off to me. Silas: But you trust your kids. Lincoln: Not at all. Silas: Well, there's your problem. You need to. Lincoln: Yeah. You know, ever since whatever happened to their mom happened, I guess I've just been a little more protective. I hear you, dad. Silas: Well, you got to let go. Whatever happened to... Lincoln: Whatever it is haunts me. Silas: Whenever that was. Lincoln: It actually was a helicopter accident. I wish you'd stop using that term. Rina (Dusty): *laughing* She was shooting fish out of a helicopter. It didn't go well. cuppycup (Lincoln): *laughs* Exactly. Scott (Keeper): Got to close to the barrel. That was it. Silas: Well, leave the kids alone. Let's go get the dynamite from the car and we can do some fishing. Lincoln: Yeah, you've given me a lot to think about. Maybe. Yeah, let's take our mind off things at the pond. Silas: We just need to catch, what, 4 or 5 dozen fish? Lincoln: Yeah, let's cook them up ourselves. I don't trust these people with meat. Silas: I think so too. And I think we should share them with that Brenda lady, she needs some meat. Lincoln: Dad, you old dog. cuppycup (Lincoln): We'll start heading out toward the the truck, then, I think, if that's what we were in. Scott (Keeper): Ok, if you drove a truck, that's what you head out to. Joe (Silas): I'm going to grab a pumpkin. I'm going to put a stick of dynamite in the pumpkin. Rina (Dusty): You're what?! Scott (Keeper): I mean. Let's go back to this whole dynamite idea... Joe (Silas): Scott, I have 70% in FISHING. You've got to trust me on this. Scott (Keeper): I think I want a group LUCK roll between you and cup to see whether you actually brought any dynamite with you. And I really want you to fail. Joe (Silas): I rolled a 20 against 45. That is a SUCCESS. Scott (Keeper): Oh, for fuck's sake. Joe (Silas): And it's right there on Roll20 if you don't believe me. Lincoln: Yep, we'll just get the one fishing pole and the dynamite. And the sardines for bait, of course. Scott (Keeper): Ok. And yeah, you head out to the back of the farm where some of the totally not a cult members have set up a couple of chairs for you beside this... Yeah, it's not too small a pond. It's maybe about 20 feet across. Uh, it does look a bit scummy, maybe. It certainly doesn't look like the healthiest pond you've ever seen. And I guess it's getting cold and there is a bit of ground fog or mist that is over the lake and the surrounding area of the pond. Lincoln: Getting kind of a bad feel here, which is usually good for fishing, as you know, dad. Joe (Silas): I'm gonna light the dynamite and throw the pumpkins into the pond. cuppycup (Lincoln): I'm going to try to stop him. Can I do that? Lincoln: Not yet! You got to do it... We got to do it the old fashioned way first. Wes (Francis): Oh my god, are you going to blow cup up? Is that how this goes? cuppycup (Lincoln): I think there's a good chance. Wes (Francis): This is awesome! Scott (Keeper): You can give me an OPPOSED DEX roll. Joe (Silas): I have good DEX. Against 60 in Dex, I get a... Oh God, I got an 87. cuppycup (Lincoln): I got a 12 on a 78, so that's an EXTREME SUCCESS. Scott (Keeper): Ok. So I think you successfully grabbed the dynamite out of your father's hand, just as he was bringing the lighter up to the fuse. Joe (Silas): It's in a pumpkin. cuppycup (Lincoln): Yeah, I got the whole, I'm holding the whole pumpkin with the dynamite here. Scott (Keeper): Yeah. Silas: Oh, so you want to throw that? Joe (Silas): I'm going to light the dynamite. Wes (Francis): Yay! Rina (Dusty): One way or another, this dynamite is getting thrown. Joe (Silas): The thing is, I'd actually put points in THROW. But I mean, good luck, cup. cuppycup (Lincoln): I don't even know if Lincoln is going to notice this because he's lecturing dad while he's holding the pumpkin. He's like, Lincoln: Listen, dad, you cannot take the easy way out. That's what my damn kids do. We need to fish the old fashioned way. cuppycup (Lincoln): And then I realize it's too late and I try to throw it as far as I can into the pond. Scott (Keeper): Ok, give me a THROW roll and don't FUMBLE. cuppycup (Lincoln): I must be the base in this. Oh, I'm 40. Wow. Dhole's House hooked me up with this character. Scott (Keeper): Ok. cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh, I rolled a 17! I'm rolling excellent here. That's a HARD SUCCESS. Scott (Keeper): Oh wow. Ok, so you throw the pumpkin into the misty water. You don't even hear a splash and it just disappears. Lincoln: I guess the water put the fuse out. That's unusual. Silas: No, that's not right. There's something very odd going on. Joe (Silas): Can we see the pumpkin? Is it floating? Scott (Keeper): No, you can't. Lincoln: Let me try to fish it out of there. Joe (Silas): I'll get a fishing rod as well, and I'll help see if we can fish this pumpkin out. cuppycup (Lincoln): Ok, I'm going to put a sardine on the hook just in case there's something biting in there. Rina (Dusty): My God, I'm starting to feel ok about eating candy corn in the basement right now. Wes (Francis): Yeah, seriously. Joe (Silas): I got a 26 versus 70 on FISHING. Scott (Keeper): Ok. cuppycup (Lincoln): Am I supposed...I don't have fishing. I have sea shanties. Rina (Dusty): What?! Scott (Keeper): Of course you do. cuppycup (Lincoln): I have 15 in SEA SHANTIES. Wes (Francis): Sing. I need you to sing. Joe (Silas): It would be good for the TikTok. cuppycup (Lincoln): Oh God. Rina (Dusty): Do a sea shanty, cup cuppycup (Lincoln): Can I roll first? Joe (Silas): I want to hear about a Wellerman. Come on. (SEA SHANTY BEGINS) Lincoln: ♪ Threw the pumpkin in the pond ♪ To see if we could find something from beyond. Rina (Dusty): No! Lincoln: ♪ Use the pole to get it back. ♪ We are going to die. ♪ Yo ho, I don't know. Rina (Dusty): ♪ The pumpkin was green. Wes (Francis): ♪ There was a pumpkin lit. It had some dynamite... Scott (Keeper): So anyway, you were going pumpkin fishing. cuppycup (Lincoln): Fuck that, I'm rolling SEA SHANTIES, Scott. 73. Wes (Francis): We're a choir now. This game's over. cuppycup (Lincoln): That's it, I'm writing down my next sea shanty. cuppycup (Keeper): You are listening to Ain’t Slayed Nobody. For ad-free episodes, heaps of bonus content, and special programming please join our posse at patreon.com/aintslayed or subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody+ at Apple Podcasts. See the show notes for full credits, and help us grow by posting friendly reviews and spreading the word to your friends and followers. Thank you and good luck out there!