Note: Ain't Slayed Nobody is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

Y'ALL OF CTHULHU, EPISODE 7: MOUNTAIN LION

cuppycup (Keeper): Ain’t Slayed Nobody is a produced actual play podcast intended for adults and may contain material that some people find disturbing. Please see the episode notes for content warnings and listen with care.

('DEAD MAN WALKING' BY CODY FRY PLAYS)
♪ I AM A DEAD MAN WALKIN' 
♪ I SEE THE LIGHT COMIN' 
♪ AND IT FEELS WARM ON MY FACE
♪ BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BURN ME DOWN

Sam: *sobbing* *gunshot*

cuppycup (Keeper): The sound of Sam's rifle breaks the discussion, and Jeremiah, the bullet hisses by on your right side, but he's missed you with this shot. It's hard to believe just how poor that shot was from this distance. Sam now stands in front of the group and he's shaking and crying. He begins to raise the smoking rifle to his shoulder for another shot.

Chuck (Johnny): As soon as he does that, Johnny bull-rushes him and tries to knock him over.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny is going to try to cover this distance, about 25 feet now, before Sam gets off that second shot, Chuck, give me a DEXTERITY check to see how Johnny manages getting over this difficult terrain at top speed.

Chuck (Johnny): That's a 55. That's a SUCCESS. 

cuppycup (Keeper): With a SUCCESS, Johnny sprints over the ground on his twinkle toes and knocks poor Sam down into the dirt. It's a nice form tackle for Johnny and that rifle flies from Sam's hands.

cuppycup (Keeper): I knocked over a 13-year-old NPC.

cuppycup (Keeper): You did. And now you're going to need to feel some guilt. Roll for DAMAGE to Sam.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh, I'm rolling his damage? OK, what is the roll for a little dude knocking over a... 

cuppycup (Keeper): A boy. 

Chuck (Johnny): A kid. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Just a d2 roll. He'll be alright.

Chuck (Johnny): I rolled a 1. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And Sam bangs his head pretty hard on the ground, but thankfully, he didn't land on a rock or anything like that. He's feeling it, but he's still conscious. He lifts his head slightly and points over to the right of the party.

Sam: *terrified* What the hell is that?

cuppycup (Keeper): And you all now realize that Sam is pointing at a ghoul that has reached the edge of the ridge and is heading toward your group. This probably explains how he missed Jeremiah so badly: he was shooting at this ghoul.

Chuck (Johnny): The fire has died? 

cuppycup (Keeper): The fire is still burning. It must be, judging by the thick plumes of smoke in the air. But keep in mind that the ghouls are a bit more acrobatic than your group.

Johnny: Go get him, Sam.

Jeremiah: Yeah Sam, you're a big boy. Go kick its ass.

cuppycup (Keeper): And I'm gonna roll a SANITY check for Sam here.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, shit. Yeah,so Sam's losing it. But let's see to what extent. Yeah, Sam is bleeding SANITY here, but he manages to keep his wits about him for the most part. He looks a bit stunned and his head slowly drops back down to the dirt.

Sam: *in shock* Oh, my God. What's happening? Jesus. What is this?

Chuck (Johnny): Alright, I grab that rifle and I say,

Johnny: Alright, boys, let's go.

Jeremiah: I'm with you. Let's go.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Johnny, you picked that rifle up and it looks like a Winchester 1873, a fairly common weapon. The entire group is now looking at that tent you started putting up before following Wilkinson to the caves. It's a drab, olive-colored tent; there's a lantern lit inside of the tent, and you can see enlarged shadows from your pile of munitions inside. Your animals are hitched across a few different trees further down the ridge, and of course, Eric, standing behind the tent, is looming over it like a dromedary god.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny wants to grab his possessions and find Sinead.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you rifle through that tent and find your things, then you run out and mount Sinead.

Chuck (Johnny): *amused* That's awkward, please don't do that.

Alex (Ellie): *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): *chuckles* Sorry, you mount your horse. In the distance, over the hills and far away, Johnny sees a few more ghouls heading your way. And maybe there are other openings around this mountain, because you're feeling a bit flanked here at the moment. If these are the same ghouls you encountered earlier, they ran an incredible distance to get around that fire.

Chuck (Johnny): OK...

cuppycup (Keeper): What would you like to do with Sam?

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* I think that Johnny's made it clear what he's doing with Sam.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, an Oklahoma drill. You're already on your horse anyway, Johnny.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'll get him by one of his feet. We'll drag his ass out here. 

cuppycup (Keeper): *sarcastic* OK, that's very kind of you.

Brandon (Flint): I can help as well, with my 45 STRENGTH.

Jeremiah: Thank you, Father.

Flint: Yep.

cuppycup (Keeper): I won't make you roll, since both of you are hoisting Sam over the back of Mr. Wriggles. You can manage that just fine.

Jeremiah: I've gotta tell you, your traps look good today.

Flint: Thank you. I was doing push ups in the cave.

cuppycup (Keeper): You know, Call of Cthulhu has a TRAP roll. From now on, that's gonna be for checking the symmetry of Father Flint's traps, nothing to do with trapping anymore.

Everyone: *laughs* 

Brandon (Flint): Great.

cuppycup (Keeper): With Sam draped over the back of his horse, Jeremiah climbs up there and Father Flint can mount...what was the name of your horse? 

Jay (Lance): Desire.

Brandon (Flint): My horse with no name.

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, yeah. You've been through the desert on a horse with no name.

Brandon (Flint): A horse named Jehovah, of course it's named Jehovah.

Everyone: *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, good call. Father Flint is on Jehovah, and Lance has mounted the mighty red camel Eric. Let's say you all grabbed whatever else you could from that tent and you are ready to ride. The chase continues. Of course, Ellie and Wilkerson's horses will be left behind for now.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny yells out to them:

Johnny: Anybody see where the sheriff ended up?

Brandon (Flint): So I saw, but I only saw the rock. Did I see her crawl into the next space?

cuppycup (Keeper): No, I don't think anybody saw her actually hide under that rock canopy. You do know the original rock, though, which would get you in the general vicinity.

cuppycup (Keeper): We will shout for her and find her. 

Brandon (Flint): Right.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright, Father, can you lead the way?

Chuck (Johnny): And we're already going.

Flint: I know the general direction; let's get over there and let's see if we can find her.

Chuck (Johnny): I mean, I don't think we're gonna ride the horses down that rock gully. Can we kind of circle around?

cuppycup (Keeper): Maybe. You did find a way to ride up onto this ridge with Professor Wilkinson, so y'all can look for that path again.

Chuck (Johnny): Well, let's do exactly that. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And let's say all of your horses are about the same speed, which is faster than the ghouls, and Eric is just a tick slower than that. Mr. Wriggles is also a bit slower than usual with Sam draped over the back, and maybe, Jeremiah, you're being a bit more careful than usual.

Wes (Jeremiah): Naw, I reckon I trust my horse. He knows what he's doing, he's a horse.

cuppycup (Keeper): You all ride off straight ahead, away from the tent and toward those ghouls Johnny saw a minute ago, until you run up to a steeper slope than you remember riding up on the way here. It's going to be a bit tricky to get your animals down here. This requires some riding skill to get down without a lot of delay.

Chuck (Johnny): Do we need character sheets for our horses that have DEXTERITY on them?

cuppycup (Keeper): I need all of you, except for Alex, of course, to give me a RIDE check.

Chuck (Johnny):  Sweet.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me your ride number and order of DEXTERITY, Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): I just rolled a 6!

cuppycup (Keeper):  With Johnny's HARD SUCCESS, Sinead is just gliding down the mountainside like a goat. She makes it to the bottom with no trouble at all.

Johnny: Hey Lance, this is a mighty fine horse you gave me.

Lance: Nothing compares to Sinead.

cuppycup (Keeper): And Lance is next, so, Jay, give me a RIDE check for Eric. 

Jay (Lance): That's a 26.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. You have a mess of LUCK available, and your RIDE skill is 25.

Jay (Lance): 1 LUCK!

cuppycup (Keeper): Eric breaks into a peculiar-looking gallop, almost like he's hopping, first on his front two legs and then on his back legs. And he's trailing Sinead by a bit, and maybe some camel racing memory kicks in, because Eric stumbles forward as he's trying to accelerate to Sinead. But lucky for you, Lance, you're able to skillfully steady Eric and continue onward to the bottom. Now let's check on Mr. Wriggles.

Wes (Jeremiah): I rolled a 12. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Wow, y'all are out here like Pat Day. And Mr. Wriggles tears down that hill, passing Eric, to pull up neck-and-neck with Sinead.

Jeremiah: Giddy up, giddy up, let's go.

cuppycup (Keeper): Finally, we have Father Flint on Jehovah. 

Brandon (Flint): Flint and Jehovah rolled a 41.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's a FAILED RIDE, which unfortunately means for Father Flint that Jehovah, while he does eventually make it to the bottom of that slope, he's very slow, which allows ghouls to close in around. 

Brandon (Flint): OK. 

cuppycup (Keeper): One of them is particularly close now. Yeah, that ghoul leaps at you and Jehovah from a sprint and swings a willowy arm, attempting to dismount you, Father Flint. The ghoul, though, mistimes its jump. It's too bad it couldn't spend LUCK on that roll; it was very close. And instead of swiping you off your horse, Father, it barely manages to nick Jehovah with the end of a long fingernail.

Brandon (Flint): OK. 

cuppycup (Keeper): This does cause a minor wound and blood is now trickling down Jehovah's leg; he's still going, but even more slowly now. This is a dangerous situation for Father Flint that just became dire. Johnny and Jeremiah, you're leading the way, surging forward on your horses, and you're now nearing a large group of ghouls in your path. I'll give you an option here: if you decide to continue forward, you can try to DODGE the ghouls that have gathered here, or you can attempt some kind of attack or other maneuver. What do you have in mind?

Chuck (Johnny): Well, Johnny never gets to DODGE, so I assume I have to attack? 

cuppycup (Keeper): I am going to let Johnny attempt to DODGE here, believe it or not. No, wait, let's say I'm letting Sinead DODGE. The ghouls aren't actively attacking Johnny; this isn't an opposed roll, it's just a straight up DODGE check. Let's say it's for Sinead, but we'll use Johnny's number.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, Johnny yells out,

Johnny: Sinead, Delta Formation! 

Chuck (Johnny): And he rolls a 40. That's a FAILURE.

Jay (Lance): *whispers* LUCK.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, I gotta spend luck.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, so for you, that's 5 LUCK points. 

Chuck (Johnny): I'm down to 43 LUCK.

cuppycup (Keeper): Sinead is galloping headlong into these ghouls, and lucky for you, Johnny, it's almost as if the ghouls stepped aside to make a little path for you. It's not clear whether it's Johnny's smell, or they're fans of Sinead, or whatever.

Chuck (Johnny): Sinead does a little pirouette.

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* Yeah. 

Chuck (Johnny): She and I have had a lot of time to talk this through. We've got our  maneuvers.

cuppycup (Keeper): But importantly, you're clear for now, Johnny. And it's Jeremiah and Mr. Wriggles approaching the angry horde.

Wes (Jeremiah): Well, I reckon I'm gonna attack.

cuppycup (Keeper): Well, you don't have a pickax anymore. So are you going to shoot?

Wes (Jeremiah): Well, of course I'm going to shoot.

cuppycup (Keeper): I know, I just wanted to remind you about the pickax. Jeremiah is moving and he's also shooting at moving targets. So Wes, I'm going to ask for a FIREARMS check with 2 PENALTY die.

Wes (Jeremiah): OK, so walk me through PENALTY die.

cuppycup (Keeper): Roll the tens dice 3 times and give me the worst result, and then another d10 on top of that.

Wes (Jeremiah): So I've just rolled my tens 3 times and I've got a 2, a 2, and a 4.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, so 20, 20, 40.

Wes (Jeremiah): Uh-huh. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And it doesn't even matter, right, because that's a SUCCESS.

Wes (Jeremiah): Word.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah, you draw your .45 and angle. Mr. Wriggles toward the ghoul swarm, instead of trying to avoid them. And what does it look like when you shoot your gun here?

Wes (Jeremiah): Yes, I stand up on Mr. Wriggles, and on one foot, take aim down the gun and say,

Jeremiah: I'll send you back to Hell from where you came, you bastard.

Wes (Jeremiah): And let one off, you know?

cuppycup (Keeper): With the success, your bullet slices through the left side of the abdomen on one of the ghouls, and it's just enough to spin this ghoul out of your path before it eventually crumples to the dirt. It's probably not enough to feel like you killed it.

Wes (Jeremiah): Don't tell me how I feel. I feel good about it. I think I killed him.

cuppycup (Keeper): Good, so Jeremiah feels like he killed the ghoul, whether that's true or not. And either way, there's a seam in the ghouls now that Mr. Wriggles can zip right through to the clearing with Sinead.

Chuck (Johnny): But you actually feel remorse about it. It's weird.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm conflicted. I'm a complicated man.

Chuck (Johnny): That was somebody's mother.

cuppycup (Keeper): Alright, very good. Now it's Lance, charging through on Eric. Are y'all DODGING or attacking?

Jay (Lance): So I have a sword, right?

cuppycup (Keeper): Absolutely! You have the sword you found.

Jay (Lance): I'm just going to kind of swing at the nearest one, but I'm not going to directly attack it. You know what I mean? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Sure, so instead of going directly at the ghouls, you're trying to kind of weave through them while fending them off with the sword?

Jay (Lance): Yeah. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You are seated very high in the air relative to these ghouls.

Jay (Lance): I don't think I'm going to be able to actually reach them. 

cuppycup (Keeper): But he's only 10 feet tall, so maybe a downward swing will do the trick.

Jay (Lance): It's a longsword, isn't it?

cuppycup (Keeper): It is, yeah, a longsword. Give me a FIGHTING BRAWL check for this action.

Jay (Lance): Alright. 84.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. And on that 84 FAILURE, the ghouls are FIGHTING BACK. Oh shit, they rolled 100. *laughs*

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh shit.

cuppycup (Keeper): Amazing. *laughs* So the ghouls... 

Everyone: *laughs* 

Wes (Jeremiah): That was the most pure laugh.

Alex (Ellie): That was so sweet. 

Chuck (Johnny): Cup is so delighted by this game.

cuppycup (Keeper): *amused* I hate everyone. So the ghouls, even though you failed for Lance...sorry, I'm giddy over rolling 100. Lance swings at one of the ghouls below and completely whiffs. In retaliation, the ghoul and another ghoul on Lance's left leap up toward Eric's body with their teeth bared and their talons out, but incredibly, they shish-kebab themselves onto Lance's flailing longsword.

Jay (Lance): So I don't lose the sword? 

cuppycup (Keeper): No, you don't.

Jay (Lance): Heck yeah.

Wes (Jeremiah): He rolled poorly and he rolled into a fucking kick-ass scene.

cuppycup (Keeper): The universe will not let Lance fail at combat. And as Eric pushes forward, those ghouls slowly slide off of the sword, and maybe 30 seconds after that, their intestines slide off as well. Finally, it's lumbering Jehovah and Father Flint. Are you attacking or DODGING here?

Brandon (Flint): Father Flint is going to DODGE. 

Jay (Lance): *laughs* Because he doesn't have a weapon.

Brandon (Flint): I don't think I have anything besides my fists.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, give me a roll against a 26 DODGE. 

Brandon (Flint): OK. 19. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Wow, beautiful. A success for the father means that Jehovah is, I'm thinking like Jerome Bettis, kind of a big body with sweet feet. He's cutting back and forth through the ghouls like a flame in the breeze, and the ghouls are swiping and failing and falling into the dirt as they witness Jehovah putting on this show. Against all odds, each one of you have dodged or weaved or shot or skewered your way through the mass of ghouls. Now, Ellie, you can hear the approaching steeds; their hooves are clomping hard through the dirt. They're getting louder, definitely coming toward you, you're sure of that.

Alex (Ellie):  Umm...can I jump up?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, you don't spot any ghouls in your immediate area, but your view is obscured by that rock canopy behind you.

Alex (Ellie): OK, well, then I'll do that. I'll jump up and try to get their attention.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ellie makes the calculated decision to crawl out of her hiding place and jump up to get the group's attention. Unfortunately, once you're out of there, Ellie, you do turn to see that there are four ghouls over the back side of this rock and they're now pursuing Ellie from about 40 feet away.

Alex (Ellie): Cool.

cuppycup (Keeper): You can run or you can try to fight them.

Alex (Ellie): I'm gonna keep running.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ellie, you begin a sprint toward the horses as they barrel toward you. Let me roll for the ghouls here. They're really gaining on you, Ellie. They're closing the distance fast, hurtling over and slinking around that canopy. They're close now, 10 feet away. What are my riders doing? You all see this developing.

Brandon (Flint): And whose horse could handle a second person?

Chuck (Johnny): Not Jeremiah, because he's already got a second.

Brandon (Flint): Right.

cuppycup (Keeper): And Lance is on an enormous camel, so depending on what you'd like to do, that could make things difficult.

Chuck (Johnny): So it's me or Flint, right?

Brandon (Flint): Right.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Johnny and Sinead are pretty far ahead of Flint, who's riding a wounded horse. 

Brandon (Flint): Who's stronger? I'm just think of who can who can lift her up.

Chuck (Johnny): It's certainly not me, but I guess if I'm closer, I should give it a shot. 

Wes (Jeremiah): While he's doing that, can I provide cover?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, you can definitely shoot at them. The risk here, though, is that with penalty dice and how close they are to Ellie, you might shoot her by mistake.

Wes (Jeremiah): I don't need that on my conscience.

Chuck (Johnny): OK. Johnny is going to yell out to Flint. And say,

Johnny: Get Ellie.

Chuck (Johnny): And then he is going to bum rush the remaining four ghouls behind her.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ooh, okay. So you're riding past Ellie?

Chuck (Johnny): I am riding right past her like an asshole.

cuppycup (Keeper): Is your plan to barrel right into the ghouls?

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, with Sinead. I'm trying to use the mass of my horse to just kind of knock them over for a second.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me a RIDE check to see if you can get Sinead to go bowling for ghouls.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright Sinead, we're goin' Nova. That's a 74. There's a big, big FAIL.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh no.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. Unfortunately, you can't PUSH this, Chuck, since you're in the middle of a chase. Johnny, Sinead has a good head of steam heading toward the ghouls, but she gets spooked when she gets too close and rears up on her hind legs. The hors is near Ellie now, with just a little bit of distance between you all and the ghouls, and Sinead pivots to run in the other direction.

Chuck (Johnny): Wow. So Sinead has reared up next to Ellie. Johnny goes,

Johnny: Well, Sheriff, hop on.

cuppycup (Keeper): I kind of love that. I would let Ellie try to do some kind of rodeo move here to jump on to Sinead.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright, I'm going to ride up close to Ellie with and slow down just enough, not stop, but kind of slow down just enough to see if I can sorta, if we can sort of swing her up onto the back of Sinead.

cuppycup (Keeper): But I'm going to make both of you roll to make this happen.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, so what we're turning this into is both of us are going to die. *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): Maybe. Johnny is gonna need STRENGTH to pull Ellie onto a moving horse, maybe with one arm.

Chuck (Johnny): Right. Bad news, Ellie. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And Ellie, you're gonna need DEXTERITY to do an acrobatic maneuver to grab on to Johnny and swing yourself up onto the horse.

Chuck (Johnny): I hope there's a result on this where Johnny falls off and she ends up on the horse. *laughs*. I rolled a 64. Woof. I'm 29 away.

cuppycup (Keeper): How much luck do you have?

Chuck (Johnny): I have more than 29. Can I wait and see how Ellie did?

cuppycup (Keeper): Sure, why not? What is your roll for DEXTERITY, Alex?

Alex (Ellie): *laughs* I got a 26.

cuppycup (Keeper): Wonderful. At least one person is doing their part. Shock. So Johnny could FAIL while Ellie SUCCEEDS and see what that looks like, or you can spend a ton of LUCK to make this a double SUCCESS.

Chuck (Johnny): I kind of assume that if I fail this, I'm dead. And the thing about LUCK is you can't take it with you.

Everyone: *laughs* 

Chuck (Johnny): I think we're gonna burn, what is it? 29 points of LUCK to make this work.

cuppycup (Keeper): Don't assume you'll die here if you fail. Ellie could die, since this was a joint roll and she's the one in more imminent danger.

Chuck (Johnny): No, no. I'm going to burn...I have 43 LUCK left, so I'm going to burn 29 of that...

Wes (Jeremiah): You still have more than me! 

Chuck (Johnny): ...To make this work.

cuppycup (Keeper): This is one of the worst side quests of all time.

Chuck (Johnny): I know, this is really taking a lot out of Johnny.

cuppycup (Keeper): So with the SUCCESSes, it seems like Ellie is doing most of the work here. But Johnny, you've extended a hand, but you're really not pulling Ellie in. You're just hoping to get lucky and that she'll do something awesome. Alex, how is Ellie using Johnny's arm to get up there onto Sinead?

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* How are you using my little noodle arm to help?

Alex (Ellie): Ok. I want to do the coolest western movie shit. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Haha! 

Alex (Ellie): I mean, what I imagine is just like I grab one of his hands and grab the saddle with the other and just try to like throw myself on top.

Chuck (Johnny): You do like a backflip to make it happen. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Now Ellie, with 1 HIT POINT, this maneuver took everything you had and once you make your way onto Sinead, you start to feel very woozy and you're kind of in and out of consciousness. I'm just gonna give the ghouls one last chance to jump attack you since you did this right in front of them and it took you a second. You know what? Give me a DODGE roll. And again, we'll say this is for Sinead.

Chuck (Johnny): OK, I'm rolling DODGE. I'm not actually good at DODGE, is the thing. I'm just always angry I can't do it. Wait. I just rolled a 7, though.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's EXTREME SUCCESS for you. *laughs* 

Wes (Jeremiah): Wow.

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm picturing like when you get a car up on two wheels, the same thing is happening here, but with a horse. 

Chuck (Johnny): It's on just the two side hooves. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And the ghouls are just kind of sliding past; they dive and grasp air, maybe managing to pluck one hair from Sinead's tail as they eat dirt.

Chuck (Johnny): She kicks one of them in the face.

cuppycup (Keeper): Y'all are now riding, and your animals are just too fast and too far ahead for these ghouls to catch you. And with the nearing threat of sunrise, the ghouls begin to retreat back toward that mountain to which they seem to be metaphysically tethered.

Chuck (Johnny): They're agoraphobic.

cuppycup (Keeper): You continue to ride with Ellie on the back of your horse, Johnny, until you and the rest of the group feel safe stopping and deciding where to ride to next.

Jay (Lance): Technically, *my* horse isn't it? 

Chuck (Johnny): I feel like Sinead and I have really grown together. And Lance, she actually has some stuff she wanted to talk to you about, but I think we should save that for another episode. 

Jay (Lance): Fair play.

cuppycup (Keeper): The ground has flattened out gradually, as you've put about 20 miles between yourselves and Baylor Peak. Your horses trot and then slow to a halt and you might now notice that the birds have begun chirping and a dusty wind is blowing through. Alex, I'd like you to give me a CONSTITUTION check for Ellie to see how she's doing on this ride.

Alex (Ellie): 23. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Ellie with a SUCCESS is able to maintain consciousness during the ride, but she still needs immediate medical attention. She's disoriented and could fall off this horse at any moment.

Johnny: Sheriff, how you holding up back there?

Ellie: I'm okay. I think.

Johnny: How many fingers am I holding up?

Alex (Ellie): *laughs* What? 

Jay (Lance): I turn on video.

Johnny: Well, OK, y'all, she didn't even answer me.

Ellie: Uh, 2, maybe 3?

Johnny: Oh, shit y'all, um...

cuppycup (Keeper): Roll a d6 to see how many it was.

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* Roll a d6 because Johnny has six fingers.

Johnny: Y'all, I don't think the sheriff's doing too good; I think maybe we ought to find her some real help. No offense, Jeremiah.

Lance: I think the nearest town is Las Cruces again, is it not?

Jeremiah: I think we ought to go back there. We're looking a little rough.

Lance: MaMaybe we don't go to the campus, though.

Johnny: I don't know if y'all've noticed, I mean, we have been concentrating on the sheriff, as we should have - she was knocked unconscious. But I don't know if you noticed I've been spitting up blood myself a bit, so I could use the services of the local sawbones.

Lance: I think that may be a good idea for all of us.

Jeremiah: Yeah, I reckon we all oughtta hit the barber. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And Sam, the boy slung over the back of Jeremiah's horse, lifts his head ever so slightly and says,

Sam: There is a doctor in town.

Johnny: Sam, didn't you try to shoot one of us? Let's tie his wrists and his ankles.

Jeremiah: I reckon that's a good idea.

Flint: Let's gag him, too.

Jeremiah: Yeah.

cuppycup (Keeper): I just want to be clear - I'm not judging you and I'm not saying you can't do this - but Sam, who was probably shooting at a ghoul back at the camp, lifted his head to tell you there's a doctor where you're thinking of heading, and as a result, you're going to tie him up and gag him?

Chuck (Johnny): That is 100% what I'm saying.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah, we remembered he could talk. Yep.

Johnny: I'll be honest with you, Sam, when you said that, I remembered that you were with us and that I hate you.

cuppycup (Keeper): *mild exasperation* Alright, OK. You stop your animals again to tie up Sam. And who's tying him up? Johnny?

Chuck (Johnny): I guess I am, yeah.

Wes (Jeremiah): I reckon I could help you.

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm going to ask both of you to give me ROPE USE rolls.

Chuck (Johnny): I thought you might. 73. I doubt that's it. I don't know what my rope is, but... 

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny failed against 5%. How about Jeremiah?

Wes (Jeremiah): An 82.

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* What we do is we just take a coil of rope and we just throw it at him, and then when it drapes over him, we go "a job well done!"

cuppycup (Keeper): That sounds good to me. Sam is free to move around, but he doesn't seem to be struggling at all.

Chuck (Johnny): OK. Anyway... 

Johnny: So we're heading on to Las Cruces? 

Ellie: Yes.

Flint: Is that the closest town? 

Lance: Yeah, I think Las Cruces is our best choice.

Jeremiah: Let's go.

cuppycup (Keeper): It's about a half-day's ride to Las Cruces in total; you manage to work your way back onto the trail you rode in on, and you start recognizing some of the distinctive vegetation and terrain as the black of night gives way to a pale gray sky. This journey is uneventful, as you do know the way back to NMA&MA campus.

Johnny: Considering that we are returning without a living professor, we're all in agreement we're not going back to that campus, right?

Flint: Oh yeah.

Jeremiah: Yeah, I got no need to.

Johnny: I'm just saying, I feel like they might be asking some questions. I mean, I guess we didn't do anything wrong, but... 

Flint: That's tough to prove.

Johnny: And we did smack around this small child of theirs. I suppose he's a bit of a loose end we'll have to figure out.

cuppycup (Keeper): The campus is technically in Las Cruces on the map. But you know that the neighboring town is a large and a bustling place. You're about one hour outside of town if you're going to skirt around the campus. The sun is starting to break, as pink and orange hues are now washing over the horizon.

Flint: It's beautiful. Wow.

Jeremiah: Hey, Father? 

Flint: Yep? 

Jeremiah: You wanna sit next to me, watch the sun come up?

Flint: As long as we can hold each other. 

Chuck (Johnny): When they sit down, Johnny goes back in and starts doing a watercolor painting of them watching the sunrise.

Everyone: *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): I could be wrong, but aren't you both shirtless?  

Everyone: *laughs* 

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, give me an ARTS AND CRAFTS roll for the painting.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh my God, I rolled a 3. 

cuppycup (Keeper): It's a Da Vinci.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm selling this at a farmer's market in Las Cruces.

cuppycup (Keeper): As everyone processes that moment and the artwork, you notice that you're on a more well-defined trail as you approach town. You see pastures to your left; they're closed in by rickety old fences. Interestingly, there don't seem to be any flowers or crops or animals in these pastures - you're not sure exactly why they're fenced in - and now you begin to see buildings ahead and you all quickly realize that Las Cruces is larger than both Mesilla and Canutillo. It's the largest town you've seen in a while and certainly the largest since you started this journey.

Chuck (Johnny): And just to clarify, this journey has spanned, what, 72 hours?

cuppycup (Keeper): You hanged Maxwell Posey on Sunday. Now, it is a little past dawn on Wednesday morning.

Chuck (Johnny): But we all look like we're 6 years older.

cuppycup (Keeper): You're less than a mile from town now and there's a pretty wide thoroughfare cutting between the buildings.

Chuck (Johnny): Is there any other, traffic's not the right word, but other people on the road?

cuppycup (Keeper): It's not long after the break of dawn, and you don't see anything alarming, just townsfolk sweeping the porches in front of their buildings and hauling handcarts around, stuff like that. It looks like usual daily business.

Flint: Let's get in there.

Johnny: Alright.

Chuck (Johnny): None of us have been to this town before, correct?

cuppycup (Keeper): Sam almost certainly has been here and he's bound and gagged.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm not interested in what he has to say. Alright, so we don't know where a doctor might be.

cuppycup (Keeper): No. You're pretty sure there's going to be a doctor in a town of this size, but you don't know the location. You'll need to ask somebody or ride around until you find one.

Chuck (Johnny): Okay, well, let's go in and ask somebody. Is everybody cool with that?

Brandon (Flint): Let's do it.

Jay (Lance): I think we're good to go.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, let's do it.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. As you ride into Las Cruces, on your left you see a large timber building with at least six uncovered windows and two large entrances. Inside, you see hay on the ground and work tables. You smell acrid smoke, so those windows are probably for ventilation; this is the blacksmith. Across the street on your right, there are wooden buildings of varying sizes, all in a row. The sign on top of the first building says Woodwright. Next to that building is a converted carriage house with a painting of a wheel on the side of it, and this looks to be the wheelwright.

Johnny: Hey, y'all think they're related? 

Flint: To the Wright brothers.

cuppycup (Keeper): Just holler if you want to stop anywhere.

Brandon (Flint): I'm good.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, we're just enjoying your Zagat's Guide to Las Cruces.

cuppycup (Keeper): Next, on a corner that bends around to a perpendicular street, there's a building with a sign indicating Eden's Boarding House, and there's a little flip around white wooden plank on the door that reads "No vacancy" in black lettering. You can see inside this building, as no curtains are drawn and you don't see any activity, despite the no vacancy sign; nobody's milling around in there. On the left, there are a couple of small outbuildings that may belong to that blacksmith, and kitty-corner from those buildings is a butcher shop with a cleaver painted on the side wall. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Wally or Beave?

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* It's June, along with some livestock imagery. And that road cutting right between the boarding house and the butcher shop is a bit narrower than the one you're traveling.

Brandon (Flint): Should we ask maybe Sam, if he knows which direction a doctor might be in?

Flint: Hey, Sam, do you know where a doctor might be? We're in Las Cruces, if that means anything to you. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. Fortunately, Sam has rubbed his face against Jeremiah's saddle enough that that gag has slipped down over his chin.

Sam: Are we back at the college?

Flint: Nope. We're in Las Cruces, Las Cruces.

cuppycup (Keeper): Sam looks around a bit and says,

Sam: Oh yes, take this right and go all the way to the end of the road.

Flint: That's good real estate.

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, yeah. The doctor gets decent walk in traffic down there.

Wes (Jeremiah): Just funnelin' everybody in. 

cuppycup (Keeper): As you head down this side street, you start noticing people watching you from their windows as they're waking up - Lance and his camel are a sight to see. You ride by Crosby's general store, which looks closed, but there are some saddles and barrels out on the front porch, so maybe they've already set up for the day. You pass by a stand. It's not a proper building; it's more of a cart with some separate shelving. Maybe it's a traveling shop. Everything is covered in tarps.

Chuck (Johnny): Would you say that they're selling curios?

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny feels strongly that they may be selling curios. And straight ahead, your eyes are drawn to a white two-story building. Stenciled signs hang down from the edge of a long overhang over the porch; the signs say "Tonics", "Physician" and "Surgery", and painted across the second floor on the front is the word "Drugs". There are three steps leading up to the porch and there's no light at all. It's dark inside the building.

Johnny: Well, this looks like our stop. 

Jeremiah: Sure does.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah, let me go knock on the door. 

cuppycup (Keeper): *laughs* Without a shirt.

Brandon (Flint): I have knocked on the door and peered in and seeing if I can see anything, if it's dark inside. 

cuppycup (Keeper): It's still dark at first. You're not seeing anything.

Brandon (Flint): I knock even louder.

cuppycup (Keeper): You do see...Yeah, that did the trick. It looks like an electrical light, to your surprise, has illuminated the second floor and that light is filtering down a staircase.

Flint: Is that you, Lord?

cuppycup (Keeper): Father, you see a man hurriedly coming toward the door while he's putting on a thin white jacket. He opens the door and starts to roll up his jacket sleeves. He has a thin mustache that angles sharply downward, he has kind eyes and he's balding with an obvious comb-over, but since he just got out of bed, it's sticking straight up in the air. Along with that white jacket, he has on baggy pajama bottoms and old house slippers, and he sees you standing there shirtless, Father Flint. 

Brandon (Flint): With a collar, yeah, but continue.

Chuck (Johnny): Dude, that's such a Chippendales look, by the way, every time you say that.

Doctor: Yes? How can I help you at this hour?

Flint: Hi, my name is Father Flint Westwater. And as you can see, we need your help for a few people in our party. Are you able to assist us?

Doctor: It looks like you have some who've already died over there.

Flint: No, they are alive as far as I know.

Brandon (Flint): And I walk him over to both Ellie and Sam so he can take a look closer.

Johnny: That's alright, I'm fine, I'll wait.

cuppycup (Keeper): The man you presume is a doctor follows you, Father Flint, over to the rest of your party. And Ellie, can you describe the state you're in at the moment? How's your posture?

Alex (Ellie): I was about to ask this. I feel like I would be like, almost falling off the horse, right, if I'm still like, drowsy. 

cuppycup (Keeper): That's fair. I think she's woozy and probably clinging onto Johnny's back, which is shocking with the odor. 

Alex (Ellie): And the blood.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, Johnny's shirt is soaked through with blood.

Chuck (Johnny): The blood is really a bath at this point. It's really cleaning me up.

cuppycup (Keeper): The man in the white coat very carefully and delicately peels Ellie off of Johnny's back and all of you hear that caked and dried blood crack as he separates them. Ellie, you are conscious and your eyes are open. This man sees your mangled left shoulder under your torn bloody shirt. He looks quite distraught and says,

Doctor: My God, this poor woman's taken a likin. Mountain lion?

Flint: Yep, sure. That, yep. 

Johnny: A couple of them.

Jeremiah: Yeah, they were huge.

Doctor: Let's get her inside immediately. And what's his story?

cuppycup (Keeper): He gestures towards Sam, who is slumped over the back of Jeremiah's horse with rope loosely draped over him.

Johnny: He is very frightened of mountain lions.

Jeremiah: Yeah, he got the hell scared out of him.

Doctor: Is the child injured?

cuppycup (Keeper): And now he's gesturing toward Johnny.

Everyone: *laughs* 

Johnny: Doc, I could use a little attention myself. I caught a piece of that mountain lion as well.

cuppycup (Keeper): When you respond, Johnny, he realizes you're an adult, and he immediately returns his attention to Ellie.

Doctor: Will one of you help me lower this woman from the horse?

Everyone: *awkward silence* 

Chuck (Johnny): Not everyone at once.

Doctor: Oh, please, someone help me.

cuppycup (Keeper): He looks very frustrated, as no one's leaping into action.

Doctor: Please hurry. This is urgent.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny is not helping, is anybody else...?

Jeremiah: Huh... I hurt. 

Doctor: Help me carry her inside.

cuppycup (Keeper): I love that Lance is young and strong and healthy, and he won't help the doctor with his companion.

Doctor: Anyone? Please?

Jay (Lance): I mean, I can help, I guess. 

Lance: It takes a while to get off this 20 foot camel.

Chuck (Johnny): I'll be there in 20 minutes. He unfurls a rope ladder.

Jay (Lance): It's like the oliphaunts in Lord of the Rings. I have to, like, slide down his neck.

Lance: Eric, Imma need to get down now, and, you know, I'm not trying to tear an ACL, so if you could just go ahead and kneel down a little bit.

cuppycup (Keeper): And Eric, being fluent in English since he grew up in Texas, does obey.

Jay (Lance): Exactly. So he kneels down and I proceed to go help.

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, you work with the doctor to get Ellie down safely from Sinead, and your presence is calming for Sinead, so that's good. And together, the doctor and Lance carry Ellie inside the building, and he points to what almost looks like a chair you saw inside a barber shop once, Lance. It has a leather seat and iron legs and a wide red foot rest; most of the chair is covered in gray towels.

Wes (Jeremiah): Are the towels clean?

cuppycup (Keeper): They look like fresh towels.

Wes (Jeremiah): OK. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, you set Ellie down in that chair very tenderly with the doctor, or very gently, rather. Then the doctor runs over to a small basin in front of a mirror and he runs his hands through some soapy water, just in keeping with our Old West sanitary concerns.

Chuck (Johnny): He probably would have spit in his hands and then wash them that way.

cuppycup (Keeper): He grabs a white apron from a hook on a tall cabinet near that basin, and now he's tying that on as he walks back to Ellie. He's extremely close to your face. He looks into your eyes and then your ears and he asks you,

Doctor: What is it you're feeling, Miss?

Ellie: I don't know, I'm just in so much pain.

cuppycup (Keeper): He carefully peels back some of that clothing, which has congealed to your skin with blood, and he takes a closer look at the shoulder wound.

Doctor: My God. A mountain lion did this?

Everyone: *in unison* Yeah. 

cuppycup (Keeper): The doctor looks quite concerned now, and he runs off again to grab a bottle of whiskey off of the countertop.

Alex (Ellie): Yes! 

cuppycup (Keeper): He returns and places that entire bottle into your right hand, the one attached to your good arm, Ellie. 

Alex (Ellie): Awesome.

Johnny: Hey, uh, sheriff, chug chug pass. You know what I'm saying?

Lance: I think I would like a drink of that as well.

Doctor: Please, I need to focus on my patient.

cuppycup (Keeper): The doctor is looking a bit scattered right now and he runs off one more time and returns with a black satchel, which he places on a table next to his chair. He digs through the bag and removes some powder, gauze, sutures, needles and a scalpel. This looks like a reasonable set of tools.

Alex (Ellie): Do we know what my wounds look like?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. They're long and deep lacerations from the claws of a ghoul.

Ellie: Fine. Let's do it.

cuppycup (Keeper): He begins by rubbing a white powder on those claw marks and then he starts to cut away and clean up the wounds before he attempts to stitch them closed. He uses one of those needles and he has sutures - he's keeping them in his lapel now for easy access - and he's sewing up those wounds. It's quite painful, despite the whiskey.

Alex (Ellie): Well, that's terrible.

Chuck (Johnny): I mean, she's from Ole Miss; that whiskey is going to do some good.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, but she's also built up a resistance.

Wes (Jeremiah): Right.

Chuck (Johnny): That's true. It's like a morphine tolerance. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And the doctor is now starting to relax more as he works.

Doctor: Where did your group encounter this mountain lion? 

Lance: Baylor Peak.

Johnny: We were camping, trying to find ourselves.

cuppycup (Keeper): With some ayahuasca? 

Jeremiah: I was visited by Mother Earth and she told me all my failings, but all my strengths.

Jay (Lance): It was like that one scene in Young Guns. 

Everyone: *laughs*

Chuck (Johnny): That was an extremely good reference.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yes, it was.

cuppycup (Keeper): He looks like he's flowing now. He's working from muscle memory. He takes his eyes off of Ellie's shoulder and looks over at you, Johnny.

Doctor: About how many hit points, would you say you have left?

Johnny: I would say that roughly I have 5 left out of 11. 

Wes (Jeremiah): A totally normal question.

cuppycup (Keeper): He looks at your face, Johnny, which has a hand mark in the shape of Lance's hand across it. And he asks,

Doctor: Did a mountain lion do that as well?

Johnny: I was, you know, I was running away from the mountain lion and I ran into a tree and the tree had the shape of like a man's hand. Just as a coincidence.

Doctor: Right. I can sew up your injury, sir, if you'd like to wait in line. This work will probably take me another hour.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny goes back and sits in the waiting room and picks up a Highlights magazine.

cuppycup (Keeper): The doctor continues to work on Ellie, who is surprisingly still conscious, despite the amount of whiskey she's had.

Alex (Ellie): That tracks, because I'm concussed, right? And I'm drinking. This is great.

Chuck (Johnny): This is 1800's Medicine, though, that that makes sense.

Doctor: My work is done. Thank you, Miss.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny can hop into the chair now for his treatment.

Doctor: It's your turn, I suppose. 

cuppycup (Keeper): After Johnny has a go at what little whiskey remains, he starts to work on that arm without cleaning the needle, and he's giving follow-up instructions while he sews you up.

Doctor: You'll be all patched up when I finish here, but you're not quite as new. I'll ask that you remain in town for at least 2 weeks and check in with me here every day or 2. I need to monitor the healing. There are plenty of accommodations in town; we have a lovely hotel. There's also a boarding house for more modest living. I suggest the hotel if you have the means.

Johnny: Oh, I see. Well, isn't this a fancy town?

cuppycup (Keeper): And he starts giving you directions to the hotel.

Doctor: Go straight down the street in front of my building, and when you arrive at the T in the road, go right. You can't miss the hotel. Be sure to see me every other day until you're feeling much better.

Johnny: Alright. Well, we will be back for our 0 follow up visits. Thank you very much.

Doctor: I highly recommend alcohol for the pain.

Johnny: As do I. Do you know a good place where I could acquire some of Zeke's Magical Elixir?

Doctor: Yes. Zeke's Curious Concoction.

Johnny: That's right. I'm sorry, I had the brand name wrong, even though I invented it in another universe.

cuppycup (Keeper): The doctor runs over to a cabinet and returns with a small bottle of the cloudy concoction. He splashes some of the contents onto your sutures.

Johnny: Sir, I'm not sure you're familiar with this particular product. May I have that vial for a moment?

Doctor: What are you planning to do with it?

Johnny: I am going to consume its contents.

cuppycup (Keeper): And he scurries back to the cabinet to put the bottle away.

Doctor: Good day to you all. Get plenty of rest.

Johnny: Who wants some curios?

Flint: I do! 

Johnny: Let's do it, my man.

Brandon (Flint): It's just a boys' trip to the curio store.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny cannot hold his alcohol. 

Brandon (Flint): *laughs* Some retail therapy.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, now is everyone going with Johnny and Flint to this curio stand?

Jay (Lance): Is it a stand or a shop?

cuppycup (Keeper): I'd call it more of a stand or a cart.

Brandon (Flint): Oh. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, it's kind of makeshift, with some shelving units.

Chuck (Johnny): Now no one's on board.

Jay (Lance): I mean, we may as well stop by for a little bit.

Brandon (Flint): Yes! is there a T-shirt that says, like, "I'm somebody in Las Cruces" or something like that? I guess I do need a shirt.

cuppycup (Keeper): As you head up the road, you begin approaching that makeshift lean-to presumed curio vendor, and now there's a sign out in front on a small grassy patch that says "Ida's Oddities and Antiques." There are stacked shelves containing mostly books, and the tarps that were covering the stand the first time you passed through are now laid flat on the ground, with items scattered over the top of them. You see a woman now sitting quietly in a rocking chair between the main cart and those tarps. She sees your party and seems unfazed by Eric, who is now a little unsettled. This woman, who you presume is Ida, the shop's namesake, is a tall, elegant woman projecting an air of confidence. You may even feel drawn to her, as there's something you can't quite put your finger on - a sensual or electric energy about this woman. She's wearing a red flowing frock with gold jewelry. It's draped around her arms and her neck. She's observing you now, but doesn't seem eager to make conversation.

Lance: Some great customer service we're having here, eh?

Johnny: Howdy ma'am, we're interested in perusing your wares.

Ida: Go ahead and have a look.

Johnny: Anything on special today?

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, she doesn't answer you directly, but as you peruse the shelves, you're seeing mostly books.

Chuck (Johnny): *intense disappointment* Awww. 

cuppycup (Keeper): There are dozens of books on the shelves, but there are some curios as well. You see tribal jewelry, Mexican coins; beside the cart, there are small pieces of Victorian accent furniture. You see pottery laid out on those tarps, along with some crudely-made porcelain and glass sculptures.

Chuck (Johnny): There's some glass bongs.

Brandon (Flint): Are there bongs? 'Cause that could be fun. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, you can probably make any of these into a bong. But mostly, Ida is featuring rare books. She's watching the group now a little more suspiciously.

Ida: Ask me before you touch anything valuable.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. I want to take a look at the books, peruse the titles.

cuppycup (Keeper): There's a lot of information about this territory where you're traveling. There are accounting books, there's a little bit of fiction - maybe Frankenstein or Wuthering Heights - there are Civil War propaganda pamphlets...

Wes (Jeremiah): Is there "You Have a Body 2"?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. But it's called "You 2 Have a Body."

Wes (Jeremiah): That's exactly right, and it's written by Bono.

Chuck (Johnny): It's the worst U2 album. Did you say there is a book on accounting?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. There are several, and one is larger and more official-looking than the others. It's titled "Accounting."

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny would like to pick up and browse through that book.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me an ACCOUNTING roll for Johnny as you peruse the book.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh, I was hoping this book would teach me about accounting. *laughs* That's a 91. I'm holding the book upside down.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, Johnny can stand there and nod knowingly as he turns over the upside down pages. Ida shakes her head. You can't make heads or tails of this book, literally.

Chuck (Johnny): Are there are there any books about Olvido? Or pamphlets?

cuppycup (Keeper): You don't see anything on Olvido, but if you want to take a deeper dive into the book collection, give me a SPOT HIDDEN. 

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. That is a 7!

cuppycup (Keeper): Wow! 

cuppycup (Keeper): That's an EXTREME SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): You actually need an EXTREME SUCCESS here to find anything interesting, because there are just so many books.

Chuck (Johnny): Good news: I fucking rolled a 7.

cuppycup (Keeper): You're searching, Johnny, through stacks upon stacks of books, and after a few minutes, you stumble upon a binder full of papers that looks like it was hastily thrown together. Maybe this is another journal; it kind of looks like trash at first glance, but something familiar caught your eye. Give me an OCCULT role for Johnny to see if he notices something.

Chuck (Johnny): OCCULT? I got a 10. So that's a 10 even, but my OCCULT is 5. Well, can I LUCK that?

cuppycup (Keeper): How much do you have left? 

Chuck (Johnny): Oh, I'm so lean on LUCK. I have 14 left. This will be a substantial portion of that. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh my God.

Jay (Lance): Cash it out!

Chuck (Johnny): I am spending 5 LUCK. I am down to 9, and that is a SUCCESS on my OCCULT roll.

cuppycup (Keeper): You do! You see a small symbol that reminds you of the pictographs on your belt buckle. And with that, you might thumb through some pages, and yeah, it looks like the book is filled with translations and they're scratched in, kind of hastily written. You don't understand much, if any, of this, but you're still drawn into it. With Johnny holding and looking closely at this book, give me a SANITY check.

Chuck (Johnny): Uh, I got a 60. That's a FAIL.

cuppycup (Keeper): Something is binding you to this book. It's whispering to you as you turn the pages.

Sound Effect: *spooky whispers* 

Chuck (Johnny): "You're dead." 

cuppycup (Keeper): The book feels cold. You need this book. Now roll a d4 for your SANITY loss.

Chuck (Johnny): It's a 3. *laughs* "Blood shoots out of your nose."

cuppycup (Keeper):  You do have a bit of a nosebleed now.

Johnny: Ma'am, I'm interested in this here document. What is the price on this one?

Ida: That's not for sale.

Johnny: It's not for sale...In your shop full of things for sale, this one is not for sale?

Ida: Where'd you find that book?

Johnny: Over here in this pile of things that were for sale.

Ida: It shouldn't have been in there. Let me see that book, son.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny doesn't really want to let go of this book.

Johnny: Well, ma'am, I just wanted to know how much this would would cost me.

cuppycup (Keeper): Did you bring anything interesting to barter with? She got a glimpse of that painting of Jeremiah and Flint, but she didn't look too impressed with it.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, we've got the helmet. The plan was to sell the helmet.

Brandon (Flint): He's wearing the helmet right now.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm wearing the helmet, and Lance is standing behind me, just, like, brandishing the sword, like he's practicing moves.

Jay (Lance): Hell yeah, I am.

cuppycup (Keeper): She's giving you a sideways look now, Johnny.

Ida: Why did that book catch your eye?

Johnny: Well, you know, I am a student of the world, and this one just piqued my curiosity. You know how sometimes you just see a book and you're drawn to it and you say, "I think that's something I'd like to learn more about."

Ida: I see. You seem very interested in this book.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny can see the dollar signs in her eyes now.

Johnny: Ma'am, uh, as it so happens, I have found this fine antique.

Chuck (Johnny): And I hold out the helmet.

Johnny: And, you know, we were interested to see if you might be interested in purchasing some of our wares, so perhaps a deal may be struck.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ida quickly appraises the helmet.

Ida: Sure. I'll take that helmet in a trade, or $75 cash.

Johnny: Well, I believe that you may obviously agree with me that this Conquistador's helmet will fetch a price far beyond $75. What do you say, rather than me selling this for the $100 that it is worth, you just give me $25 and this here pamphlet. 

Chuck (Johnny): Is anybody in the party trying to stop me from doing this?

Jay (Lance): I mean, do we really need the helmet?

cuppycup (Keeper): The helmet did keep Ellie alive.

Brandon (Flint): So sentimental value, yeah. 

Jay (Lance): I think Ellie is the only one that would actually care.

Alex (Ellie): I mean, I don't think I would have an attachment to it. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Because it reminds her of Wilkinson too much?

Alex (Ellie): Yes, and just the whole ordeal. I mean, I feel like she's dealing with some, you know, significant trauma.

Ida: I'm willing to make this trade, but it's going to be straight up.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny looks at the rest of his group.

Johnny: Y'all, uh, I can't get into it... 

Chuck (Johnny): He's whispering this, she can't hear this.

Johnny: Y'all, I can't really get into it right now, but I found a book here that I think is going to help us figure out what the hell's going on around here. But we gotta get this book.

Flint: Cool.

Ellie: Alright.

Lance: I think that's a good enough argument for me.

Johnny: Well, ma'am, I'm trying to do you a favor here. I do appreciate that you are someone who appreciates fine relics of this sort. Let me cut you a deal: you give me $10 and this pamphlet, and this helmet is yours. This thing is worth hundreds of dollars.

Ida: I'll tell you what, son: I'll give you $3 and we'll call it a day.

Johnny: You're speaking my language, I understand. 

Brandon (Flint): See if you can get one of those bongs.

Johnny: Ma'am, I appreciate where you are coming from and you are clearly a discerning customer. 

Ida: *offended* Customer? 

Johnny: Hey, the relationship has turned here. I will give you this helmet. You give me this pamphlet, those $3, and one of those fine hand-blown glass pipes for my friend over here, who is very interested in them.

Ida: Yeah, that's fine.

Johnny: Alright.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny spits in his hand and holds it out to her.

cuppycup (Keeper): She does not reciprocate. She reaches her other hand out for the helmet.

Johnny: OK. I'd like to see those $3 and that pipe, if I may. Father, why don't you pick out the pipe you want? And I'll be having those $3 now, ma'am, and it has been a pleasure doing business with you.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ida goes into a little cash box that she has...

Chuck (Johnny): Sure.

cuppycup (Keeper): ...And takes out $3 and hands it to you. You already have the book.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. I just set that helmet down there on the barrel head.

Brandon (Flint): I pick out the nice purple and white tie dye-looking pipe.

cuppycup (Keeper): Alright. And it has kind of a dank smell to it. 

Brandon (Flint): Right. 

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* It's used.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, the deal is done.

Ida: Get along now.

cuppycup (Keeper): Before you can even leave the curio stand, Ida sets that helmet down on one of the tarps with a sign that says $300.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, that's fine. I expected some markup.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you're carrying this binder of papers with you now.

Chuck (Johnny): I tuck that thing inside my my vest somewhere, nice and secure.

cuppycup (Keeper): Do you want to go check out the hotel and possibly get some rest?

Alex (Ellie): Yes.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Dr. Zamora said the hotel was all the way up the street and then to make a right at the T. When you make that turn, you immediately see a large blue adobe building with a green and yellow awning in the front. You see a sign that reads Lacroix Hotel and a bellman is standing out front.

Chuck (Johnny): I believe it's pronounced "Le Qua".

Jay (Lance): Yeah, it's "Le Qua".

Chuck (Johnny): It's Pomplamoose.

Jay (Lance): Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, le qua. I mean, that's just that's how the song goes, right?

Chuck (Johnny): Do you want to have sex with this soda drink? 

Everyone: *laughs* 

Jay (Lance): Respectfully.

cuppycup (Keeper): You go to the front desk and the attendant informs you that single bedrooms are $1 each per day. Hot baths are 50 cents. Laundry is $1 for a suit. This place is pretty upscale by your standards.

Chuck (Johnny): Exactly. That's why Johnny's leaving.

Brandon (Flint): Alright, I'm gonna stick around. I'm going to get the penthouse.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, Father Flint's getting the $5 a day room, but he's gonna do that on the sly. How about Ellie?

Alex (Ellie): How much money do I have?

cuppycup (Keeper): I assumed you were flush, since you offered a reward and paid for the drinks in Mesilla.

Alex (Ellie): Oh yeah! 

Chuck (Johnny): Did she give me a reward?

cuppycup (Keeper): Let's say Ellie paid all of you $10 after the hanging. 

Chuck (Johnny): *hollers* Johnny's gettin' a bath! I'm back in the hotel. I will burn up that $10, I don't give a shit.

Brandon (Flint): What if I just, like, paid for everybody? Like, secretly, if they were just like, hey, you got like a scholarship to stay here or something?

cuppycup (Keeper): A scholarship? *laughs* Father Flint tries to signal to the person at the front desk what he intends to do. And they say, "Oh, the Lacroix Hotel is honored to have a party of your esteem at our hotel. We are happy to accommodate you for no charge, of course. You may have our 3 remaining rooms. How does that sound?"

Brandon (Flint): Yeah. 3 rooms, including the penthouse? Or in addition to the penthouse?

cuppycup (Keeper): 3 rooms, plus Father Flint's room, and you slip them $10, let's say.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah, great. I'll make a note. Twenty thousand minus 10.

cuppycup (Keeper): And with that, you all divvy up the rooms, and after dropping off his artifact and painting in his room, Johnny, are you heading toward the bath?

Chuck (Johnny): Hell yes.

cuppycup (Keeper): Good. And Ellie, Jeremiah, Flint, and Lance settle in for some much-needed rest. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You are listening to Ain’t Slayed Nobody. For ad-free episodes, heaps of bonus content, and special programming please join our posse at patreon.com/aintslayed or subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody+ at Apple Podcasts. See the show notes for full credits, and help us grow by posting friendly reviews and spreading the word to your friends and followers. Thank you and good luck out there!