Note: Ain't Slayed Nobody is produced for the ear and includes emotion and emphasis that's not on the page. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors.

Y'ALL OF CTHULHU, EPISODE 5: SIX UNDERGROUND

cuppycup (Keeper): Ain’t Slayed Nobody is a produced actual play podcast intended for adults and may contain material that some people find disturbing. Please see the episode notes for content warnings and listen with care.

('DEAD MAN WALKING' BY CODY FRY PLAYS)
♪ I AM A DEAD MAN WALKIN' 
♪ I SEE THE LIGHT COMIN' 
♪ AND IT FEELS WARM ON MY FACE
♪ BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BURN ME DOWN

Clay Bishop: Rest now, Ellie.

('ALL THE PRETTY HORSES' PLAYS)
♪ HUSH-A-BYE, DON'T YOU CRY
♪ GO TO SLEEP, MY LITTLE BABY
♪ WHEN YOU WAKE, YOU SHALL HAVE
♪ ALL THE PRETTY LITTLE HORSES

Alex (Ellie): So she's definitely dead then. Cool. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Let's find out, Alex. Jeremiah, Father Flint, Johnny, Lance and Professor Wilkinson, you are all scattered around the floor of this cave, each of you somewhere between 7 and 10 feet from Ellie's body. You all just watched her black shadow plunge down a jagged curtain of rock into a crumpled heap on the limestone where you stand. Her carbide lantern fractured into pieces and left a sputtering orange flame on the damp floor. Chittering sounds are now bouncing around the walls, you think from the ledge above. Ellie is not moving. I need each of you to give me a SANITY check.

Will (Wilkinson): 91. So I lose sanity.

Wes (Jeremiah): 11.

Chuck (Johnny): I succeeded.

Jay (Lance): That was a 32. So it's a success.

Brandon (Flint): 92.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Father Flint and the Professor are going to lose SANITY while the rest of the party holds it together reasonably well. Let's start with Flint. He never saw an actual creature. So, Brandon, go ahead and give me a d4 for Flint's SANITY loss.

Brandon (Flint): I rolled a 2.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Father Flint loses two points of SANITY and he uncontrollably gasps when he sees blood beginning to pool around Ellie.

Flint: *gasps*

cuppycup (Keeper): That's good, man. And Wilkinson saw the creature burrowing through that opening, and as a result, is going to lose one d8 of SANITY.

Will (Wilkinson): That's a 6.

Chuck (Johnny): Weren't you also already one of the craziest people here?

Will (Wilkinson): Yeah, I'm now at 44.

cuppycup (Keeper): Well, since the professor lost more than five SANITY points in a single roll, I do need to ask you, Will, to make an INTELLIGENCE check.

Will (Wilkinson): 9.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's a great roll, but unfortunately, this is one instance where succeeding is bad.

Will (Wilkinson): Cool, great.

cuppycup (Keeper): The professor realizes the gravity of all the things he's seen in this cave. And Professor, as a result, you are suffering a BOUT OF MADNESS. Haunted by the grotesque shadows of the creature burrowing through that tight opening and the strangely contorting shadow of Ellie falling against the rocks, you are feeling panic and you are overly aware of the dark shadows moving all around this chamber. And this is going to prevent the professor from assisting with any attempts to check on Ellie. This BOUT OF MADNESS is also leaving the professor with an underlying PHOBIA of shadows.

Wilkinson: That was a human! But how? No, no, it couldn't be. No, it's been over 300 years since... How? No, my lord. Ok. OK, ok, ok, OK.

Johnny: Easy now.

Will (Wilkinson): His eyes start darting to the edges of the light and the shadows. 

Lance: Calm down, Wilkerson. 

Jeremiah: I reckon Imma go over there and see if I can apply a little bit of... What would I call it? I've got a little salve in my pocket. I want to rub it on her wound.

cuppycup (Keeper): Do you have salve?

Chuck (Johnny): It's actually called Zeke's Curious Concoction.

Wes (Jeremiah): That's right.

Chuck (Johnny): He bought it in Mesilla. 

Jay (Lance): It was a free gift with the camel saddle.

cuppycup (Keeper): Fine. I'll let you have it.

Jay (Lance): Should you check to see if she's alive first?

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah walks over to Ellie and before attempting first aid, he does want to make sure she's not dead. And he quickly realizes that Ellie is unconscious but is breathing.

Alex (Ellie): She's alive! 

Lance: Well, thank heavens for that.

cuppycup (Keeper): The rest of the party, you huddle in behind him and you can all see this too. We're going to play by the Rulebook on this. And since Ellie took multiple forms of damage from the rock squeeze and the attack and the fall, but not any major wounds in getting to 0 hit points, she is alive.

Chuck (Johnny): There's a rule book? 

cuppycup (Keeper): However, it is obvious to all of you that if anyone or any thing attempts to kill her while she's in this state, she will die. She needs serious medical attention. And Jeremiah, you see that Ellie's shirt is soaked in blood. And she has taken extensive claw damage, especially up near her left shoulder.

Wes (Jeremiah): I guess I'd use a rag or a shirt to plug the wound. I don't know.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny offers up a bandanna that he was wearing around his neck.

cuppycup (Keeper):  That cannot be sanitary.

Chuck (Johnny): It's the 1800s! No one knows sanitary. We're still on, like, the four humors.

cuppycup (Keeper): More specifically, I'm worried that Johnny's bandanna is not sanitary.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh, absolutely not. This is actually how the Spanish Flu started.

Jeremiah: Well, let me grab that bandanner [sic].

Chuck (Johnny): And I have related to everyone that there is someone down here. And multiple someones and they ain't natural, and we got to get out of here.

Johnny: I don't care about your archaeology no more. We got to get Ellie to a doctor. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And Jeremiah, so what are you going to do with that mysterious salve?

Wes (Jeremiah): I will put it on the bandage and just tie it to where she's not bleeding as much.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, let's see if this does anything. Jeremiah is working in darkness under pretty intense pressure right now, and there are creatures lurking about. So, Wes, I'm going to ask for a HARD SUCCESS on a FIRST AID roll here.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. 88. I have 80. That's bad.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, you're supposed to roll under it. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Fuck.

Alex (Ellie): Oh no.

Will (Wilkinson): Use LUCK.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh yeah. How much LUCK do I want to use?

Chuck (Johnny): But you need a hard success, he said.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, so you need to get to 40.

Will (Wilkinson): You could PUSH it. 

Brandon (Flint): PUSH the roll.

Wes (Jeremiah): Oh. 

Chuck (Johnny): PUSH the roll and accidentally kill her.

Alex (Ellie): I hate all of you.

cuppycup (Keeper): You can, of course, do whatever you'd like. I just want to emphasize that if you PUSH this roll, you need to be prepared for the consequences of a failed PUSH. Jeremiah is applying first aid to someone who is nearly dead. So imagine things that could happen here before you make your decision.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. I will put it to a party vote. Do I PUSH the roll? 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK.

Chuck (Johnny): Question. Do we want to give Alex a vote here?

Alex (Ellie): Wait, but if he fails, do I automatically die?

Jeremiah: It depends on how shitty I do this.

Flint: Should we be praying for him or something?

Alex (Ellie): Ellie's unconscious but stable, right?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes. Ellie is alive and reasonably stable, not having what we'd consider a major wound.

Alex (Ellie): I don't want Jeremiah to PUSH the roll because I don't want Ellie to die like that. Just try to get her out of the cave quickly.

Jay (Lance): Alright, don't PUSH the roll, then.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm useless here. Y'all have fun.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, but I'm sure you'll be useful once there's some femur mist back in the air. But this time, Jeremiah couldn't get that salve-covered bandanna to quite stay in place on Ellie's shoulder, and this FIRST AID attempt had no noticeable effect. If you ever do get out of this cave and if Ellie's still alive at that point, someone can attempt FIRST AID again without the severity of a PUSH. So what would you like to try next?

Jay (Lance): Probably trying to carry her out of here.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok. Jay, give me a STRENGTH role to see how difficult this is going to be by yourself, and you'll be looking for a HARD SUCCESS.

Jay (Lance): I got 43.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, Jay, that's not quite a HARD SUCCESS. So if Lance is going to carry Ellie alone, they're going to be moving very slowly at about 25 yards per hour.

Chuck (Johnny): 25 yards an hour?! 

Brandon (Flint): That's a little bit.

Chuck (Johnny): We're going to be here for 20 years.

Will (Wilkinson): Yeah, this is a cave.

Chuck (Johnny): So we haven't gone far is what you're saying.

Brandon (Flint): This cave is like as big as my studio apartment. So if I helped Lance carry her, do I need to roll separately? Like if we were both carrying her one shoulder at a time?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. I am not going to ask you for a roll. I will let you go a little bit slower than normal, if Lance and Flint, you both carry Ellie. 

Lance: Thanks, Father. I'm feeling a bit worn down.

Alex (Ellie): Is this Weekend at Bernie's style?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, that's what I'm picturing, too. They're kind of carrying a limp Ellie, dragging her feet along the rock floor.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny would like to, turning the carbide lantern down to kind of one of its lower settings, just take a glance around and see what this situation is in this room. Is there an exit?

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny smartly remembered that he had turned up his lantern to see the creature. So he now turns it back down to preserve that chunk of calcium carbide in the chamber, so the lantern will last a little bit longer. And now he's poking around in the corners, looking for what? 

Chuck (Johnny): I'm looking to see, is there a way out of this room or do we have to find a way back up that cliff?

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, give me a SPOT HIDDEN to see what that dimmed lantern is now showing you.

Chuck (Johnny): A 76, which is a SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, you use your lamp light to find a wall away from that cliff and you track the wall for a while before realizing that this chamber is much larger than the others you've encountered. The echo of your feet on the rocks in here is reflecting more slowly. This cavern is vast and you're gonna need to explore the darkness a little more deeply for any hope of finding an opening.

Chuck (Johnny): Not a chance that Johnny is doing that alone. I think Jeremiah and his pickax might need to come with me and I'm going to go:

Johnny: Jeremiah, why don't we go see what we can see around here so we can figure out a way out of here?

Wilkinson: Cave systems like this will have multiple openings, or they should. But, you know, now I'm not too sure what's...*sigh* 

Jay (Lance): What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

Jeremiah: You OK?

Wilkinson: No, I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfectly fine, Jeremiah. This is just a temporary setback. This is what this is.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. And Johnny and Jeremiah, which way are you going? The cliff face that you're looking at is to the north. 

Chuck (Johnny): Facing away from the cliff, we would go to the left, which if you said the cliff was on the north, we're gonna go east.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. So you're gonna walk east until you run into something?

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, until we see something. I don't know.

cuppycup (Keeper): The two of you holding your lanterns out in front head to the left. And it's extremely dark here, and I may have mentioned that previously for this cave, but the darkness here is a little different. It seems to be funneling into what might be a passageway ahead. Jeremiah recognizes this from his mining experience because the rocks surrounding the blackness faintly glimmer in the lantern light. You're about 10 yards away from this potential opening.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm going to call back to Father Flint and the professor and say: 

Johnny: Hey, y'all, I think we may have found something.

Flint: What's that?

Johnny: Come on down.

Chuck (Johnny): Ok, I would like Johnny...Johnny would like to pick up a stone from the ground and throw it in the direction that we're talking about going and see what I hear, 'cause I got them eagle ears.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. I love this, that you're throwing the stone. Let's get a THROW roll for this, Chuck.

Chuck (Johnny): A THROW roll? What the f...

Wes (Jeremiah): You gotta roll for throw.

Chuck (Johnny): Okay, that's a 20. Hey, my throw is 20! 

cuppycup (Keeper): Wow. Johnny is going to throw a rock into the void in much the same way that Chuck, you wanted to shoot your rifle into the void in that dream.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, basically. It's a theme. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You wind up and heave the stone right down the center of the darkness and it whizzes through an opening. Now give me a LISTEN roll for what Johnny hears.

Chuck (Johnny): And that's a 44.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, that's a SUCCESS. You hear the rock skate and skid along the cave floor and it rattles around, bouncing off of other objects in the next room. It sounds like those are probably rocks, maybe a pile of rocks. And finally, the rock you threw lightly rolls a little bit more before quietly splashing into water.

Johnny: Hey y'all, I think we may have found that underground river that we were looking for, the one we followed in, we just follow it back out.

Will (Wilkinson): Have Father Flint and I caught up to the rest of the group at this point? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, you caught up. And Father Flint and Lance, carrying Ellie, are also there.

Flint: What'd you say? 

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny has been waiting for everybody to catch up, and now that they're here, he is willing to lightly take point. Keeping in mind that he does only have six hit points left, he's not feeling awesome.

Jeremiah: Reckon I've worked caves before, I'll walk in front.

Johnny: Alright.

Will (Wilkinson): I will be behind these guys since this is something I have done before.

cuppycup (Keeper): So is Wilkinson third, then, or are you at the very end of the group? 

Will (Wilkinson): No, I am in between.

Lance: Go ahead and pick up the rear, Wilkerson. Me and Father Flint are carrying Ellie, so we should be in the middle to protect her. It'd make no sense for us to be at the end, would it?

Flint: Yeah. Precious cargo, all that stuff.

Wilkinson: I am perfectly fine with being the last one.

Alex (Ellie): He's gonna get Ellie killed, isn't he?

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, I think so.

Johnny: Professor, you mind bringing up the rear? 

Wilkinson: Well, of course, yes.

Chuck (Johnny): *laughs* That's in character, Johnny laughing a little bit as he keeps walking. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Will, give me a LISTEN roll to see if Wilkinson hears anything following the group.

Will (Wilkinson): 49. And my listen is 20. So I fail.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok. The professor is fixated on shadows that are surrounding the party in this passageway, and that visual distraction really limits what he's able to hear right now.

Will (Wilkinson): Right.

Wilkinson: *gasp* Oh, OK. That's just a shadow. Just a shadow. Alright. Focus, John. OK. You got this.

Lance: I don't think he's got this.

Jeremiah: You doin' ok, Wilkerson? 

Wilkinson: I am perfectly fine, thank you.

cuppycup (Keeper): You were all moving through a pretty narrow corridor of rock, not narrow enough to get stuck in, but it is leading you out of the chamber with the cliff, and eventually this passageway widens into another cavern. You're all gathered at the exit of the little passageway. And it smells strange in here, rather rotten and musty.

Will (Wilkinson): Hmmm. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You hear dripping water and a trickling stream. You can't see much yet, it's very dark, just the rock floor directly in front of you where your lantern light is shining. Well, it does look like the floor starts to dip down slightly at the edge of your lantern light. But you need to get a little bit closer to see where this goes.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny would like to listen for that creek, trying to figure out which direction it is in this room.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me a LISTEN roll, Chuck, to see exactly what Johnny hears.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, that's a 21, which with him is a HARD SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): Why you're hearing now is not a fast-moving stream like you heard earlier in the cave. This is just a trickle of water with light splashing into other water nearby. Johnny thinks he does hear rushing water. But that's pretty distant right now.

Chuck (Johnny): Which direction?

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay, that's straight ahead across the room. But further than that.

Chuck (Johnny): And Johnny says: 

Johnny: Y'all, I hear a little bit of water up ahead. Ain't sure this is that same creek, but I think we ought to go figure out what it is. Jeremiah?

Jeremiah: Yeah.

Johnny: By we, I think maybe you still go in front. But I'm with you.

Jeremiah: I'm fine with that, let's go. I ain't scared of no water.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's right, Jeremiah's already been up to his waist in this water.

Wes (Jeremiah): Yeah, it's gonna be fine.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah, as you're getting closer to the water and casting the Davy lamp forward, you see a basin in the center of the room and the stream water is pooling here. It looks and smells stagnant. Jeremiah can't estimate the depth all the way through, but the side closest to the party looks at least knee deep.

Wes (Jeremiah): Can I shine my light around a little bit more and kind of see what I can see. Like, get a better idea of the entire environment other than just the water and the depth of it?

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. Good. That's a smart thing to do. You move around and shine your lantern left and right and back again and notice uneven, elevated terrain on both sides of the basin. Will you give me a SPOT HIDDEN roll for Jeremiah? 

Wes (Jeremiah): I rolled a 15.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's a regular SUCCESS. Jeremiah, you realize that both sides of the basin are carpeted with deep mounds of bones.

Wes (Jeremiah): When you say deep... 

Brandon (Flint): How deep are we? 

Wes (Jeremiah): Are we talking, like, the depth of the creek?

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm assuming you're not walking through the bones, so your estimation won't be precise, but the mounds look to ascend to about 8-10 feet of bones near the walls.

Wes (Jeremiah): Is the elevated terrain because of multiple tiers of bone or is it the the cave itself?

cuppycup (Keeper): You can't really tell, but you believe that it's mostly the bone pile.

Wes (Jeremiah): Awesome.

Jay (Lance): (Wrestler voice) THE BONE PILE!

Jeremiah: Guys, I reckon something fucked up and scary lives here.

cuppycup (Keeper): Wes if you want to continue Jeremiah's last inspection, I'll let you do that closer to one of these bone piles.

Wes (Jeremiah): I reckon I want to do that, yeah.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm pretty sure we're already dead.

Lance: I think we went the wrong way.

cuppycup (Keeper): Looking at the bones now from a couple of feet away, Jeremiah sees what looks like animal bones that have been cracked by force.

Wes (Jeremiah): They've been cracked by force.

Brandon (Flint): Like in what sense? Like a femur is cut in two?

cuppycup (Keeper): Wes, how far into this dead rabbit hole would Jeremiah like to go? If you'd like to take a closer inspection, give me a NATURAL WORLD roll to answer Brandon's question.

Wes (Jeremiah): I have 50 in NATURAL WORLD and I rolled a 36. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, wonderful. Scanning the pile more closely, Jeremiah spots bones from animals, including rabbits, rodents, birds, squirrels, snakes and some larger animals, too, including deer. In actuality, there are a lot of animals represented here. And to answer Brandon's question, there are plenty of broken legs and little spines that are broken.

Chuck (Johnny): Adorable little spines are broken.

Jeremiah: Hey, uh, Johnny? 

Johnny: Yeah? 

Jeremiah: You want to come look at somethin'? 

Johnny: Alright, I'm coming on up.

Jeremiah: Alright.

Johnny: What the fuck?

Jeremiah: It's bones and water.

Chuck (Johnny): Can Johnny take a look and see if he can glean more information from these?

Wes (Jeremiah): I think that's a great idea. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, give me a SPOT HIDDEN roll for Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): That's a 21, which is a HARD SUCCESS. 

cuppycup (Keeper): A HARD SUCCESS? Ok, Johnny, as you look closely at these bones, you can tell that most, if not all of them have been gnawed down and you slowly come to the grisly realization that the teeth marks are human. Chuck, give me a SANITY check for Johnny there.

Chuck (Johnny): I think I should. That's a 37. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Which is a success? 

Chuck (Johnny): I mean, yeah, that's success. I'm quite sane. 

cuppycup (Keeper): This is disturbing, but Johnny maintains his composure.

Johnny: Y'all, it looks like there's some folks been...

Chuck (Johnny): Can I tell how old this is?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. Based on the size of these bone piles, it looks like the bones have been accumulating for many years, probably decades at least.

Johnny: Y'all, this ain't right. I don't think we ought to be going this way. I made a mistake, I think we oughtta go back.

Jeremiah: I reckon that once you start down a path, you ought to continue on it. I ain't no quitter.

Johnny: You reckon a lot of things.

Wilkinson: Well, to Jeremiah's point, how are we going to get up the giant cliff with Ellie?

Johnny: We didn't explore that whole cave. We found one entrance and we went through it; maybe we go back and find another way out.

Wilkinson: Alright, well, perhaps we set up a makeshift camp to eat and to have...

Johnny: Yeah. Let's camp near the giant bone pile, Professor Dipshit.

Jeremiah: Oh, yeah, when I said beef jerky, everybody laughs. Look at this. Professor wants to have a snack now. You want a Lunchable, big boy?

Johnny: Let me guess: you ain't the professor of "staying the fuck alive." How 'bout we go take my course 101: We get the fuck out of here.

Wilkinson: Well, um, ok.

Lance: Well, to be fair, maybe their own lair would be the last place they'd look for us.

Wilkinson: We're so far underground...how in the world did these bones get here?

Johnny: That is precisely the type of question that I would like to not know the answer to.

Jeremiah: I would rather go through it and out of here than find out. 

Wilkinson: Listen, does that mean that there is...hear me out: there has to be an exit somewhere near here. These animals didn't wander in here by themselves.

Johnny: How do you know they weren't brought down here, Professor?

Wilkinson: Exactly my point.

Johnny: I don't follow, then.

Jeremiah: It's hard to talk with academics.

Wilkinson: We are hours underground from where we started. You're not bringing... 

Will (Wilkinson): And I pick up, let's say, like a a deer femur.

Wilkinson: You're not bringing... 

Chuck (Johnny): I love it.

Wilkinson: You're not bringing an animal this size down here through the way we came.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm dying picturing you brandishing this deer femur while you lecture us. It's such a good image. Like, I'm picturing there's a little bit of gristle still on it.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. Whoever has the highest NATURAL WORLD in the party, give me a NATURAL WORLD roll as the professor's waving this femur at you.

Wes (Jeremiah): Can anybody beat 50?

Chuck (Johnny): Not me.

Jay (Lance): No, I have 20.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright, fuck it. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, Wes, roll one for Jeremiah.

Wes (Jeremiah): Okay. I got a 17.

cuppycup (Keeper): Nice. That's a HARD SUCCESS. As Professor Wilkinson is aggressively waving this dear femur at the group, you remember that in "You Have a Body", human femurs look just like that.

Jeremiah: You remember that book I told you about that I had, guys? He is waving around a piece from it.

Wilkinson: What is he talking about?

Johnny: Professor... 

Wilkinson: I...we have to find a way... 

Jeremiah: That is a person leg!

Will (Wilkinson): It takes Professor Wilkinson at a second. He looks at the leg, drops it, and backs away.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God. What the fuck?

cuppycup (Keeper): And Professor Wilkinson, you had noticed that the femur also had human teeth marks all over it. I'd like to take some SANITY for this. Let's start with Wes for Jeremiah.

Wes (Jeremiah): 36.

cuppycup (Keeper): So you pass, Jeremiah.

Wes (Jeremiah): OK.

cuppycup (Keeper): And Will, how about the professor for a SANITY check?

Will (Wilkinson): 73. I failed. 

cuppycup (Keeper): The professor continues to lose his shit down here. Will, give me a d4 roll for the professor's sanity loss. 

Will (Wilkinson): That's a 1.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, just one more tick of SANITY for the prof.

Will (Wilkinson): OK, now I'm at 44.

Jeremiah: I am now on Team "get out of here."

Wilkinson: Yeah, no, I think that's a great idea. It's just a matter of how.

Johnny: All right, Professor, I'm willing to hear you out. Which direction are you suggesting that we go?

Will (Wilkinson): Professor Wilkinson would know that there are multiple exits in a cave system like this. Would he know to follow the river or would he know that that is...

Chuck (Johnny): A mistake?

Will (Wilkinson): Yeah, a mistake.

cuppycup (Keeper): I think your conclusion earlier that the bone refuse might indicate a nearby exit seems pretty logical, unless this is like the basement of the apartment building where the creatures store their trash. But nothing is guaranteed. There could very well be an easier path out of the cave system if you backtrack.

Will (Wilkinson): Wilkinson in an kind of morbid interest is like:. 

Wilkinson: Well, if there's humans in there, there might be something interesting in there.

Johnny: Fuckin' professors! Jesus. 

Will (Wilkinson): In terms of an artifact.

Alex (Ellie):  You've got to be kidding me with this guy.

Will (Wilkinson): He's gonna scan the bone yard, just with his eyes. I'm not gonna go rooting around in there, but I want to see if I can see anything. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Like a glint? 

Will (Wilkinson): Maybe. Yeah, why not?

Brandon (Flint): No, sorry, a Flint.

Chuck (Johnny): Father Flint.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, of course, Flint is inside the bone pile like it's a ball pit.

Chuck (Johnny): He's just been rolling around in it this whole time.

cuppycup (Keeper): If you're not already rooting around in the bone pile, give me a SPOT HIDDEN for Wilkinson. 

Will (Wilkinson): That's a 17.

cuppycup (Keeper): So Wilkinson is seeing some things in this bone pile, shiny things. He's thinking maybe it's jewelry or weapons, but unfortunately, all of these little shiny objects are further into the bone pile. You're not really going to be able to reach anything from the ground where you stand.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny has a general sense of direction, he's got some navigate to him. Can I at least get an idea if this seems like the right direction?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, that seems fair to me. Give me a NAVIGATE role for Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): It's a 37. What did I say my navigate was? It's 50, so that's a regular SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): With your keen sense of direction, Johnny, you are at least partially buying Wilkinson's theory. Water does typically indicate closeness to some kind of exit, or at least it's a better indicator than no water, especially since you know about that distant water, the rushing water you heard earlier. You're also concerned about dead ends if you do backtrack to the dry part of the cave. 

Johnny: Alright, y'all, I think I think Professor Crazy Pants over here might be speaking a lick of truth, and maybe we ought to just push on. We gotta get Ellie out of here.

Jeremiah: Alright, so you're with me on going through it. We're going to go all the way out?

Johnny: But I'm suggesting we don't go down in the river. Let's get to high ground, even if it means we're walking on the bone pile. 

Jeremiah: I'm fine with going on the bone pile for... The Reckoning.

Lance: I got a bad feeling about this one.

Wilkinson: Alright. Alright, well, yes, I guess we'll do that. It's gonna be pretty, tough to bring Ellie up this, but.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. How are you planning to carry Ellie three across on this unstable bone mound?

Wes (Jeremiah): Can we build a stretcher outta femurs? 

Chuck (Johnny): No, wait.

Brandon (Flint): We've got lots of bones, we might as well use them. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You want to build a bone stretcher?

Wes (Jeremiah): Why not? 

Jay (Lance): (Wrestling voice) THE BONE STRETCHER!

Wes (Jeremiah): That's a WWE guy going "I'm the Bone Stretcher!" 

Jay (Lance): (Wrestling voice) I've got you for 15 minutes of play time! 

Chuck (Johnny): Bone Stretcher is ready!

Jeremiah: Alright, if we want to get Ellie out of here, we've got a lot of bones here. Why don't we make one them stretchers out of it and we carry her out?

Lance: I am 100 percent on board with the bone stretcher.

Jeremiah: Yeah you are! 

Wilkinson: Well, that sounds like an idea. It might make it easier to get up the pile of bones.

Jeremiah: Alright, let's round up some big bones and we're gonna tie 'em together and we're going to use cloth and make a stretcher.

cuppycup (Keeper): What cloth do you have in mind?

Wes (Jeremiah): I'll donate my shirt. I have a hot body for 50s.

Brandon (Flint): I mean, I am a man of the cloth; I could donate some cloth as well.

cuppycup (Keeper): The party's looking very sexy right now. Give me an APPEARANCE check for Father Flint. 

Brandon (Flint): 14.

Chuck (Johnny): Oh my God. We are loving it.

cuppycup (Keeper): He is chiseled. I'm picturing Charlton Heston playing Moses. I need you to tell me a little more about how you're building this with bones and shirts.

Chuck (Johnny): He has gathered up the bones and we've laid them out in the layout of a stretcher and we've got the cloth to go between 'em, and now... 

Wes (Jeremiah): We're gonna need to cut strips to tie up the stretcher.

Chuck (Johnny): Yes, I've been cutting up strips of of one of these pieces of cloth and I'm tying them together and I'm going: 

Johnny: The leg bone's connected to the other leg bone. And that leg bone is also connect to what appears to be a pelvis.

Jeremiah: Use that for a headrest.

Chuck (Johnny): I'm tying them together. 

cuppycup (Keeper): With what? 

Chuck (Johnny): With the cloth.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, this is a stretch, but I'm letting you do this. It's a fun idea. And after about 30 minutes of construction, you do have a passable stretcher of clothing and bones.

Jeremiah: Hey, what you guys think about this one?

Johnny: Alright y'all, looks good. I think we best get to rollin'. We've been here a long time.

Jeremiah: Well, why don't we get the sheriff on here and let's get the hell out.

Alex (Ellie): Yes. Thank you, let's go. I'm literally dying.

Jay (Lance): Alright. So are Father Flint and I still carryin' her, then?

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, I guess you start carrying this stretcher, right? I think that Lance ought to be at the back.

Jay (Lance): Yeah, my balance is pretty good.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. Are you just crossing the bone pile kind of alongside this basin to get to the other side?

Wes (Jeremiah): It's the only reason the chicken'd cross the bone pile, yes.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. I probably would have let you carry her by the arms and legs, but this is fine.

Chuck (Johnny): No, this is much more time consuming.

Brandon (Flint): It's much more badass.

Wes (Jeremiah): Well, I already built a stretcher, thank you.

Chuck (Johnny): We built the stretcher, we're gonna use the stretcher.

cuppycup (Keeper): Alright.

Wes (Jeremiah): Ya mother wanted a stretcher, I made a stretcher. 

cuppycup (Keeper): As the party crosses the bone pile, Jeremiah and Johnny are out in front and it's no surprise, but there's no stability walking across these bones. Everyone give me DEXTERITY checks.

Jay (Lance): I rolled 17. 

Wes (Jeremiah): 17 for me as well.

Jay (Lance): Shout-out to ABBA.

cuppycup (Keeper): Whoa, spooky. 

Chuck (Johnny): Little 92 for your boy Johnny. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK, that can't be great.

Chuck (Johnny): I mean, it's a FAIL, but only just, really. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Do you want to use LUCK or PUSH it or just take the FAIL?

Brandon (Flint): PUSH it! 

Chuck (Johnny): I think Johnny is going to PUSH this roll.

Wes (Jeremiah): PUSH the roll!

Chuck (Johnny): Let me get the metal dice. That's a 56, which is a SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): Good. Johnny lost his footing crossing the bone pile and started to wobble and tilt toward the water basin. But I'm assuming you just righted yourself just in time to make it safely across with Jeremiah, and they do see an exit.

Will (Wilkinson): Oh, shit.

Jeremiah: Hey, we can get the hell out of here!

Flint: Pretty good, pretty good.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ooh, I'm sorry. Let me clarify: an exit from this room. Not the cave system.

Brandon (Flint): Sorry, go back to when you didn't clarify.

Jeremiah: There's another door.

cuppycup (Keeper): You live here now. And Jay, you said you rolled a 17 for Lance? 

Jay (Lance): I did.

cuppycup (Keeper): We need Father Flint's roll, too, since he's out in front of the stretcher.

Alex (Ellie): Go low, Brandon, focus.

Chuck (Johnny): Don't fuck this up, man.

Brandon (Flint): It's a 37.

cuppycup (Keeper): Wonderful! It feels now like the bone stretcher paid off because Flint and Lance, you're able to find your way across the bone pile bearing the weight of Ellie on this stretcher you created, and you make it all the way to Jeremiah and Johnny without much difficulty.

Chuck (Johnny): Alright. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Professor, did you make camp on the bones or are you joining us with the DEXTERITY roll now?

Will (Wilkinson): I'll definitely make my way on. I'll keep an eye out on the bone pile, but...oof. That's a 92.

cuppycup (Keeper):  OK, you pretty much know the score about your options here. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Are the bones gonna eat him?

cuppycup (Keeper): That would be awesome. Like Poltergeist, the swimming pool swallows him up.

Will (Wilkinson): I guess he will, uh, just let what happens happens, 'cause I'm not gonna... 

Chuck (Johnny): PUSH the roll.

Will (Wilkinson): ...I'm not gonna PUSH the roll.

cuppycup (Keeper): Are you too lazy to roll again? 

Wes (Jeremiah): PUSH the roll.

Chuck (Johnny): PUSH the roll! 

Will (Wilkinson): I don't have good enough DEXTERITY to even try PUSHING that roll.

Wes (Jeremiah): PUSH the roll!

cuppycup (Keeper): You can PUSH it.

Will (Wilkinson): I will PUSH the roll. That's a 2.

cuppycup (Keeper): Wow. Incredible!

Brandon (Flint): That's how you push a roll!

Will (Wilkinson): So what Professor Wilkinson will do is he's focusing on the ground, looking for, you know, something that's of archaeological significance. And as he does it, he puts his foot on what seems like a steady surface and it seems to slip out from under him. Realizing he is falling back, he immediately goes to his knees. And in that, he is able to stop himself from falling and starts to pay more attention to where he puts his feet.

cuppycup (Keeper): And just one embellishment here, since you did roll a 2: when the professor went to his knees, his right arm sunk down into the bones, about to his elbow, and when he pulled it back out, he was wearing an ornate turquoise bracelet.

Will (Wilkinson): Wow. Wow, OK.

Chuck (Johnny): He just played the claw game and won.

Will (Wilkinson): So, yeah, I guess I get to the top, Professor Wilkinson will get to the top of the bone pile and show them.

Wilkinson: This seems to be an ancient native bracelet. This could, if we get out of here, this could tell us a lot about what went on here.

Johnny: There is no "if" here, Professor, I am getting out of here and you are holding me up. Let's get movin'.

Wilkinson: Ok, well.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me an ARCHAEOLOGY role to see what else Wilkinson might know about the bracelet.

Will (Wilkinson): That is a 49 and I have an ARCHAEOLOGY of 67.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah! 

cuppycup (Keeper): Based on other archaeological finds you've studied, you think this is worth between $100-$200. 

Will (Wilkinson): Which is $3000 today date [sic]. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Roll Antiques Roadshow.

Wilkinson: Y'all, this is very valuable. Very valuable.

Johnny: I, for one, am thrilled.

Jeremiah: Real happy somebody found something of value in there. Can we keep moving? 

Wilkinson: Alright, well, let's keep going.

Chuck (Johnny): I am role playing a guy who just saw a ghoul eat one of his friends and I could not give less of a fuck about a bracelet.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, you all proceed through the room exit in the same order you crossed the bones and Ellie is still on the stretcher, I'm assuming. This opens into another mysterious chamber. You have a 10-15 foot radius of light illuminating the rock floor and the beginning of a wall. You don't see much else yet.

Johnny: Just so we're clear, Professor, you are splitting the profits of that bracelet with us?

Wilkinson: Of course, yes.

Johnny: Excellent. Good man.

Jeremiah: I feel better about that.

Flint: That's good to know.

Wilkinson: I have to atone for what the hell's going on here.

Lance: It is your fault we're here in the first place.

Wilkinson: Yeah.

Will (Wilkinson): And despite, you know, what's going what's lurking in the shadows, he's not going to go very fast, but he's going to take the lead.

Jeremiah: Alright,why don't you just step on right ahead.

Wilkinson: If you wouldn't mind, Lance, backing me up here?

Lance: Alright. I'll bring my guns up there.

Chuck (Johnny): Whoever's carrying Ellie probably should not be in the back.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'll go help since I'm not leading anymore. 

Brandon (Flint): So I can take a break. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Flint's going to take a break to do some crunches, and Flint has to be in the back now, if you're keeping Ellie protected. It's Wilkinson and Lance up front, followed by Johnny and Jeremiah now with the stretcher, and Flint's the caboose. I think I'm getting that right. And Flint's unarmed, by the way. He lost his cross and his rifle is at camp, but he is ripped. 

Brandon (Flint): 32 FIGHTING BRAWL.

Chuck (Johnny): Well, and dead sexy. We have established that is cannon.

Brandon (Flint): Ok, he's going to set his lantern down here temporarily so we can see if anything else tries to sneak up on us.

Alex (Ellie): Smart.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, sure. Flint puts his lantern down near the entrance. And how is the professor leading here?

Will (Wilkinson): Professor Wilkinson doesn't want to get into the middle of this and not have any sense of direction of where he is. He's going to follow the left wall and just follow it around.

cuppycup (Keeper): Professor Wilkinson starts to follow this wall and he's holding his Davy lamp a little lower than normal so that he can clearly see the ground ahead. About 10 yards into his walk, he spots a chilling shadow on the cave floor. He sees the warped shape of human legs and feet and the flickering from his lantern really brings life to them. As the professor raises his head and that lantern, the light shines across a skeleton that is pinned to the wall and its shadow is now massive on the wall.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God! Okay...

cuppycup (Keeper): Professor, Will, why don't you give me a SANITY role for John Wilkinson? Let's keep this avalanche going.

Will (Wilkinson): Yeah. 77. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Give me...because you were battling some shadow madness, I'm going to make you roll a d6 on this.

Will (Wilkinson): That would be a 3, so now I'm at a 41. Alright.

Jeremiah: What happened?

Wilkinson: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Will (Wilkinson): And I kind of scramble behind Lance.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God.

Lance: Hey, I need you to calm down.

Johnny: What's he getting all skittered about?

Wilkinson: It's one of those things! 

Jeremiah: What things? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance can now see the skeleton. He's close enough to you.

Lance: It's just another skeleton. But, uh, I don't mean to alarm ya, but it does look to be a bit hung on the wall.

Wilkinson: Ok.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny yells out: 

Johnny: Is it human? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance, do you want to verify that it's human?

Jay (Lance): Yeah, I guess I'll be the one to go in a little bit closer.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok. Lance is now looking closely at this skeleton with his Davy lamp. It looks to be a nearly complete human skeleton wearing shredded armor. This warrior is pinned to the wall by what you now realize, Lance, is a long steel sword with a fancy hill and a double-edged blade. On first inspection, this sword doesn't look too corroded, unlike the other weapons you found in this cave. And there's a really interesting scroll of parchment sticking out of the right eye socket.

Jay (Lance): Lance is going to grab the scroll first before the sword, which I will say he's definitely taking as well.

cuppycup (Keeper): Lance reaches up and over to pull the scroll from the eye socket. He gently unrolls it to find legible writing that looks to him like Spanish.

Lance: Could one of you hit me up a bit with the Spanish?

Wilkinson: I believe I can speak Spanish here. I mean, my main study is... 

Lance: Anyone besides the professor?

Wilkinson: Well, I am fluent in both Spanish and Tigua and Apache, so you can test your luck with those guys over there or just give it to me and I'll tell you what it says.

Jay (Lance): Ok, so Lance will give the scroll to the professor, but then he's gonna grab the sword. 

cuppycup (Keeper): And Will, here's what the note says.

Lance: Ok, everyone, don't be alarmed. I have a large sword now, and the professor should be reading something important here.

Wilkinson: Well, it says, "I, Carlos de Navarro," who was I believe, the conquistador who who traveled these lands for the Spanish Empire, he says, "I'm the last of my party within this cavern. Why I write this, I do not know, for I will surely perish here. We searched for gold and instead we found cave dwelling savages. We held them off as long as we could.

Johnny: Well, I think are we all in agreement that we need to not hang out in this cave any longer?

Brandon (Flint): You mean not make camp like was suggested an hour ago?

Johnny: Lookin' like these might be cannibal savages based on the old bone pile back there.

Jeremiah: Yeah, I reckon we ought to get out of here.

Will (Wilkinson): Professor Wilkinson is, he's torn. He really is. He wants to know. He wants to know. He doesn't...I mean, obviously the party doesn't know this, but he's he's really, I mean, this is an academic matter, and this is sort of what he put his life to. He'll say: 

Wilkinson: Yes, yes. No, we'll make our way out of here.

Will (Wilkinson): And he continues to walk around the wall. 

Alex (Ellie): Is the professor rolling Ellie's body off the stretcher and putting the skeleton on it? 

Wilkinson: It is Carlos de Navarro's body. I mean, this is a incredible find.

Jeremiah: You are welcome to come back and get that any time.

Brandon (Flint): It belongs in a museum!

Wilkinson: Yes. Now, we all make our way out of here. 

Will (Wilkinson): He says, and then continues to walk around the wall just looking.

Chuck (Johnny): I would like to then grab another stone and just just throw it into the room. I'm not even going to make a THROW roll because I'm telling you, I don't give a shit where it's going. I just want to listen to the sound it makes.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny throws a stone and it's like pinball in here, bouncing off of the floor and ricocheting off two walls on the far side. Chuck, give me a LISTEN roll for this.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah! Oh, and of course, I roll a 95. I couldn't even hear the fucking stone.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, that's sad.

Chuck (Johnny): No, I'm PUSHING that roll.

cuppycup (Keeper): What are you gonna do differently this time?

Chuck (Johnny): I'm throwing another rock and I'm cupping my hand behind my ear, and I'm listening.

cuppycup (Keeper): That is an important step.

Chuck (Johnny): I am listening, dude.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, and that time it's a 21. That is a HARD SUCCESS.

cuppycup (Keeper): The stone doesn't tell you much, but you notice that distant rushing water is now surprisingly close, and you wonder, how was everyone not already hearing this? This is coming from the far end of the chamber from where you're all standing. 

Johnny: Y'all, I hear that stream over yonder. 

Chuck (Johnny): And I point in whatever direction it is.

Wes (Jeremiah): Well, can I just inspect the wall to see if there's anything like, just along the wall here, the darkness?

cuppycup (Keeper): Sure. You want to walk past the skeleton to inspect the walls? Is Jeremiah doing that alone?

Wes (Jeremiah): Why not? Is that... 

Chuck (Johnny): He's setting up how you're gonna get attacked.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah works his way past Lance and the professor with his Davy lamp.

Wes (Jeremiah): I've set Ellie down, by the way. 

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm assuming you and Johnny put that stretcher down very gently before he started hurling rocks in this room. Y'all're just taking a breather after he walked about 20 feet with her. Now Jeremiah is walking along the perimeter of the wall. You're shining that lamp on the rock surfaces; you're heading toward the sound of the water that Johnny heard, and after about 15 feet, you run into something, while your attention is fixed on that wall. It seems like a table. It's made of rock and bones. The top is a sheet of smoothed rock. And above the table, your lantern light reveals a large cave painting.

Wes (Jeremiah): Ok. Like, can I look deeper at the painting?

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, you step forward and then back trying to take in the full scale of this imagery. Wes, this is what the painting looks like, if you decide to describe it to the party.

Johnny: Hey Jeremiah, what you see up there? 

Jeremiah: Uhh, reckon it's drawing on the cave. It's got a star and a big old goat man. And it looks like a couple of bugs and maybe a few people and a deer or two.

cuppycup (Keeper): Great. I'll describe it as well, just so that you have two perspectives. Not that there was anything wrong with that. There's a giant anthropomorphic figure with goat-like features. It's crouching above a black pit. There are a handful of humanoids sketched next to a large figure on its left and on the opposite side, the right side of the figure, there are very odd blobs, not looking very human; it looks like they even have tentacles. Those things seem to rear up menacingly in the painting.

Wes (Jeremiah): Do you mean like they're drawn reared up, or as I look at them they rear up?

cuppycup (Keeper): No, they're not animating now. Although the flicker of your lantern does have an interesting effect on the painting, this is a static painting. For now. These things are reared up from the perspective of those humanoids. There are also a pair of stags at the bottom left of the painting.

Will (Wilkinson): The professor makes his way over there.

Wilkinson: This is quite something.

Will (Wilkinson): Can I make an ARCHAEOLOGY roll or something? To see how old it is? 

cuppycup (Keeper): For age? Sure, give me ARCHAEOLOGY.

Will (Wilkinson): That is a 35, so that is not quite a HARD SUCCESS, but it is a SUCCESS. It's out of 67.

cuppycup (Keeper): This looks ancient to you, Professor Wilkinson, although there is something incredibly odd about the material that was used to etch the painting. Or maybe it's something about the shapes. It makes you wonder if this was put here by humans at all.

Wilkinson: This seems to be either very ancient human...Yeah. I'll leave it at that.

Wes (Jeremiah): Does anybody have more than 1 Cthulhu MYTHOS?

cuppycup (Keeper): No, but I'd let Jeremiah make a MYTHOS roll with exactly one number that can hit. Of course, if you hit five or thereabouts, you could spend LUCK to make it work. 

Wes (Jeremiah): Yes! I mean, of course I do. Alright, ready? 14.

Brandon (Flint): Pretty good. 

cuppycup (Keeper): It's tempting. 

Chuck (Johnny): Do it. 

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm going to spend some LUCK. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go ahead and spend 13.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, so you're down to 32 LUCK. Hope we don't need that.

Wes (Jeremiah): Uh-huh.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah, you've heard stories down in the mines of Idaho about the forests in that area and the central figure in this painting is reminding you of a massive goat-like god, or maybe it was a mother that you've heard about and that the people in those forests worshiped. She was said to spawn creatures not unlike those, I think you called them bugs that you're seeing, spawn them into the forest. You'd mostly suppressed the memory of these stories until now and you'd never given them any credence. And mostly you kept your distance from the folks telling those stories, but all the same, this is rattling you. And as you stare more and more deeply into this painting, you flash back to that dream you recently had where you were in the room full of chains and you brushed your hand through the mist. Remember, a child's hand reached out to touch your fingertips there. And in your vision here, that child's hand is more like a goat's hoof. Give me a SANITY check.

Brandon (Flint): So it wasn't a child. It was a kid.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. I rolled a 98.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay, this is some big stuff. So give me a d8 for SANITY loss.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alright. And I rolled a 4.

cuppycup (Keeper): You lose four points of SANITY, so no madness yet. I am going to give you a MYTHOS boost; add 3 points to Jeremiah's Cthulhu MYTHOS. But wait, there's more!

Wes (Jeremiah): A new car!

cuppycup (Keeper): You also recall that the head of that main figure in the painting looks quite similar to the etching that vanished from that obsidian rock you took out of the goat's mouth on that effigy.

Wes (Jeremiah): Right, yeah.

Jeremiah: Reckon I know a little bit about this.

Wilkinson: You do?

Jeremiah: I might not have been 100 percent upfront with you about the mines. There was lore back up in Idaho and a couple other places where I've been down in the mines that people used to worship something that looks like this. We called it Goat Man.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God. There's no way. This is the false god. No, it can't be.

Jeremiah: And the humans would come and worship the goat man and he would spout off these little bug bastards over here on the side. And do y'all remember the dream where we was all...you know what I'm talking about? 

Johnny: Yeah, I remember.

Jeremiah: Okay. Well, here, I reached out, touched your hand, but it turns out it was... I'm remembering it was a goat hoof, and...

Johnny: Jeremiah, you doin' all right? 

Jeremiah: Would you just listen? 

Brandon (Flint): You sure it wasn't a camel hoof? 

Jeremiah: You fucking listen to me. Now I went and grabbed that jewel out of the mouth of the skull and it had the same symbol on it before it went away when I touched it. Now, you tell me we don't need to get the hell out of here.

Johnny: You're preaching to the choir, my man.

cuppycup (Keeper): And as you all look toward Jeremiah, you see the table, which you think might be an altar of some kind at this point. And you see the painting.

Johnny: Professor, you alright with us finally hoofing it out of here?

Jeremiah: Is that a bad pun at this time?

Wes (Jeremiah): So I still have that stone. Can I put it close to the painting and see if something happens?

cuppycup (Keeper): You can do whatever you like with it. Wait. Johnny actually threw it to see if he could hear anything.

Chuck (Johnny): No.

Wes (Jeremiah): It would make sense to me that if it was near some symbolism that was used in some kind of ritual for it, it might react.

Flint: Hey, Jeremiah, do you want to try that stone near that altar and see what happens?

Jeremiah: You want to help me? You're a man of God. I probably need a little bit of protection. 

Flint: I do know my way around an altar.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. When Jeremiah reaches into his pocket and puts his hand on that obsidian, you all notice that his pants are practically on fire now with a bright green glow.

Brandon (Flint): Okay, great.

Wes (Jeremiah): That's called envy.

Jeremiah: Oh, man, what the hell? 

Wilkinson: Oh my goodness. What is that?

Jeremiah: It's this stone.

Wes (Jeremiah): I'm going to take it out of my pocket and hold it up.

cuppycup (Keeper): It's really lighting up the cave now.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God. What is that?

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny looks down to check on his belt buckle. Is it glowing?

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. Johnny looks at that hieroglyphic tablet tucked behind his belt. And are you taking it out?

Chuck (Johnny): Nope. Just sort of pulling the belt back to check and see if it looks like it is about to set me on fire.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok. It is not glowing. But, Johnny, you've studied the eroded symbol on that thing during your downtime. And it's mysterious. The symbol on the top of your tablet that the two figures are looking at and the symbol at the top of this cave painting, this monstrous entity. They don't look anything alike, but for some reason, they feel similar. You're trying to wrap your head around this, but it just gets oddly staticky. Everyone in here who's conscious besides Jeremiah, give me a SANITY check.

Chuck (Johnny): I just rolled an 18.

Brandon (Flint): Father Flint saw an altar of another God and rolled a 94.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, Brandon, give me a d4 for Flint's SANITY loss.

Brandon (Flint): It was a 2.

cuppycup (Keeper): And what was your reaction to seeing this?

Brandon (Flint): *gasp*

Jay (Lance): I rolled a 35.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. So Lance is fine with all of this. 

Will (Wilkinson): Continuing to lose SANITY, Professor Wilkinson is seeing all of this and saying:. 

Wilkinson: This is, wait, this is insane.

cuppycup (Keeper): So the professor continues to descend into madness. Will, give me a d4 roll to see how much of an effect this is having.

Will (Wilkinson): 1, so I'm at 40.

cuppycup (Keeper): Everyone who just rolled for SANITY, add 1 MYTHOS point to your skills.

Brandon (Flint): Just 1? 

cuppycup (Keeper): You all learned just a morsel, just a nugget about the mythos.

Wes (Jeremiah): So can we put this glowing gem orb at the altar and see if we piss off the ancient ones.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah. Why don't you go ahead and set that rock wherever you'd like? 

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, do that.

Jeremiah: I reckon I'm gonna return this to where it goes. I don't wanna be carrying it around none. Hey Father, you want to help me out?

Flint: Yes. We can hold it together as we go towards the altar, as my training has prepared me for.

cuppycup (Keeper): You both place the stone on that altar and the glow illuminates the cave painting in a rather beautiful way. You're able to take this painting in all at once for the first time.

Flint: Beautiful.

cuppycup (Keeper): And oh, this is quite peculiar: the painting is now moving. You quickly realize actually these are distorted human shadows moving across this cave painting. But your whole party is huddled up, so this doesn't make sense. Well, Johnny, I guess, is off to the side a bit.

Chuck (Johnny): Cool. Cool.

cuppycup (Keeper): At first, looking at these shadows, you're all wondering if you've unleashed some kind of ancient magic. But eventually you turn and see five snarling creatures have stepped in front of Father Flint's abandoned lantern, back at that chamber entrance. They're casting these shadows. And this is the best look anyone in the party has had at these ghouls. They are very thin, almost skeletal. Their teeth are bared, maybe permanently. You don't see lips, and most horridly, their knees are bent in backwards. Their bulging human eyes are locked onto Ellie lying on that stretcher, and they've walked up to where that lantern light begins to bleed into the green glow, and they've stopped there.

Jay (Lance): It's [the light] a repellent.

cuppycup (Keeper): You could be right. You do notice that one tries to make a move toward Ellie, but as he jumps into the green glow, it immediately scurries back to the edge, back into the lantern light with the other ghouls.

Will (Wilkinson): Professor Wilkinson, realizing they have precious little time with the things stalking in the corner, says: 

Wilkinson: I'll go get Ellie. I'll get her.

Will (Wilkinson): And he runs over and tries to pick her up.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. I'm just going to need a STRENGTH roll for Professor Wilkinson.

Will (Wilkinson): 38. Hell yeah!

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay. With the SUCCESS the professor's adrenaline allows him to hoist Ellie up over his shoulder.

Will (Wilkinson): Sort of a piggyback ride here.

Chuck (Johnny): A fireman's carry, I think would be appropriate.

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah, it's a fireman's carry over both shoulders, and he manages to also somehow carry his belongings.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny runs over to the rest of the group where the light is, where all the lanterns are, and he turns his off.

Jay (Lance): That seems like a bad idea. 

cuppycup (Keeper): Now with your whole party together, you've noticed that the ghouls continue to test this barrier of the lantern light and the green light. And it seems like they're starting to realize that they can move into the green light and they're not having quite as much reverence for it as they were before. They're coming in now five or six steps at a time before returning to the group of ghouls. They're getting bolder.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny opens up that lantern and takes out the calcium carbide inside it, the tablet, and he throws it in his canteen and closes the lid.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok, why is Johnny doing that?

Chuck (Johnny): So calcium carbide when it is interacting with water fizzes up to create acetylene.

cuppycup (Keeper): Ok. How does Johnny know this?

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny is actually highly educated. It's [his EDUCATION] a 73. He knows things, and so he's been carrying around this lantern this whole time and he's been watching how it works. And it drips water onto that calcium carbide and then it just burns the acetylene that comes off of it, and that's why he turned it down earlier, was after that first encounter, he decided he wanted as much of that calcium carbide left as he could. So he then sparks up one of those many matches that we have with us right? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yeah you had the box of waterproof matches. 

Chuck (Johnny): Box of waterproof matches, sparks one up and sticks it on the side of his canteen and the little leather on it. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK.

Chuck (Johnny): And then he loosens the cap slightly and yells to everybody to run because he just made a bomb.

cuppycup (Keeper): I'm not a chemist, but this is beyond a Molotov cocktail, right? I really like this.

Chuck (Johnny): Yes. This is well beyond a Molotov cocktail. It's a hand grenade.

Will (Wilkinson): I love this.

Chuck (Johnny): I've been so excited to do this. 

Jay (Lance): While Johnny is doing this, Lance is grabbing the stone from the altar.

Chuck (Johnny): Good man.

cuppycup (Keeper): That's smart. Lance grabs the stone.

Wilkinson: Oh, my God. He's making dynamite. Y'all, he's making dynamite! Let's go let's go let's go let's go! 

Jay (Lance): Lance is out of here.

Brandon (Flint): Flint's running out of here as well.

cuppycup (Keeper): Professor, while you're running, you can make out two clear exits in that bright green glow. One is on the right; this one's further away from the group and it looks like it starts to go up. And there is another on the left, which just looks like it goes straight through. Maybe it's up to you. You're not sure what's the better path in the panic.

Will (Wilkinson): I guess I'll take the one that's closest to the group. I don't know. I'm just trying to get out of here as soon as possible.

Wes (Jeremiah): So Jeremiah, in the confusion of all of this, only can think to do one thing, which is swing the pickax at the painting.

Chuck (Johnny): Yes, that is very in character. I like it.

cuppycup (Keeper): You're aiming at what on the painting? 

Wes (Jeremiah): The head of the goat god. 

cuppycup (Keeper): You're aiming at the head of the goat god? 

Wes (Jeremiah): Yes.

cuppycup (Keeper): Let's do a JUMP roll because the head is pretty high up there on the wall.

Wes (Jeremiah): Alrighty, then. 14.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. You've succeeded at defacing this cave painting by thrusting your pickax into the head and taking a large chunk of rock out of it. When you do that, the obsidian glow, that green glow, fades to black. And this has enraged the ghouls, and that protective green glow is now completely gone. They begin to charge at your pack like a pack of angry baboons.

Wes (Jeremiah): I've angered them.

cuppycup (Keeper): Jeremiah, are you hanging around after all of this?

Wes (Jeremiah): No. After I get my bearings, I spread out with everybody else.

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. With everyone heading for the exit, Johnny, you're standing there with your homemade grenade. The match is lit, and you're ready to detonate this thing.

Chuck (Johnny): And Johnny tosses the canteen at the approaching ghouls.

cuppycup (Keeper): I only need a one roll from you, and you're very seasoned at this now. It's a THROW roll.

Chuck (Johnny): Boom. That is a 12!

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh shit, you're 20. That's a regular SUCCESS. Johnny's playing horseshoes with his canteen grenade and he lobs an underhanded toss that lands with a thud at the feet of the ghoul furthest to his left. When that canteen hits the ground, the loosened cap pops out of the canteen, releasing the acetylene toward the ghouls.

Johnny: Enjoy your Molotov fucktail, dickbags!

cuppycup (Keeper): But it's not going to be enough to completely debilitate them.

Jay (Lance): That's a bit of a bummer.

cuppycup (Keeper): Oh, but wait. The explosion knocks the ghouls back into Father Flint's lantern, which catches them all on fire. And while these ghouls are burning alive in an oily fire, Johnny is running with the other investigators. All of you have now cleared the cavern and you are reveling in what just happened. But you better damn well hope you're going the right way. It's been a bit of a trek through this passage that Professor Wilkinson chose, and you started walking downward, it seemed. But now you've been going up for about half an hour. You are hurrying the best that you can, and you're starting to hear more and more water. At last, you emerge from an opening and find yourself standing behind a waterfall. 

Will (Wilkinson): Behind one? 

Wes (Jeremiah): We went and chased it. 

Jay (Lance): So like the water is falling in front of our faces? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Yes, this is terribly romantic.

Jay (Lance): So I'm gonna grab Father Flint by the pecs.

Brandon (Flint): Yeah, I'm glistening now. 

Will (Wilkinson): I'm picturing Lance with the rock in one hand and a sword in the other as he's running. 

Chuck (Johnny): I forgot about the sword.

Jay (Lance): I have the sword, motherfucker.

cuppycup (Keeper): You're missing three lanterns now with Ellie's, Flints and Johnny's. So it should be darker, but it doesn't really seem to be.

Chuck (Johnny): We're in a cave with a waterfall in front of us, kind of Goonies style.

cuppycup (Keeper): It's a very Goonies. It's your time down here, but there's no bucket.

Chuck (Johnny): Is there like a ledge? I don't feel like we should stick our heads through the waterfall because that might knock us down. 

cuppycup (Keeper): OK. It's pretty gently flowing, as far as waterfalls go.

Chuck (Johnny):  Oh. 

Jay (Lance): Just like a weak piss? 

cuppycup (Keeper): Is not quite a weak piss. Chuck, give me a NATURAL WORLD roll for Johnny.

Chuck (Johnny): Yeah, that's something I'm not good at, as I recall. And let me check. Yeah, I've got a 20 and I rolled...I rolled a 7!

cuppycup (Keeper): Damn, you're killing it.

Chuck (Johnny): Wow.

Wes (Jeremiah): This is your game, dude.

Chuck (Johnny): Whatever. I've been rolling like 95 all day until I wanted to do something cool.

cuppycup (Keeper): Johnny, your best guess is that there's a natural spring flowing from somewhere deeper into the hills above and it's emerging through the rocks over your heads, creating this modest waterfall. Those rocks are about 15 feet over your heads and the water is tumbling down into a rather large pool of water, larger than what was in the bone pile room.

Chuck (Johnny): Johnny takes a big old gulp of it because he has lost his canteen and I don't know how long we'll be, uh... 

Wilkinson: Johnny, you're cool with water all of a sudden? 

Johnny: I'm cool with this water. It's not deep.

cuppycup (Keeper): Give yourself 2 points of hydration.

Chuck (Johnny): It looks like that stream we've been following might be down right below us, y'all.

Flint: Well, let's do it.

cuppycup (Keeper): And you have a very short descent, just a few feet to get off this rock to take a better look at the pool. I think you can safely pass Ellie over the little ledge without a roll.

Chuck (Johnny):  Johnny jumps down but is not standing next to the edge of the stream still.

cuppycup (Keeper): Okay, let's assume you've all worked your way down there. You all see a large pool that that waterfall's flowing into. And you're imagining that this is much deeper than the knee-high waters you've seen in this cave before. This pool takes up almost two-thirds of the room and it runs all the way to the wall on the opposite side. You know this because a circle of moonlight is shining through an opening in the ceiling and illuminating the water and some of that wall. This is the exit. But how are you going to get out with Ellie?

Alex (Ellie): Oh, God.

cuppycup (Keeper): You are listening to Ain’t Slayed Nobody. For ad-free episodes, heaps of bonus content, and special programming please join our posse at patreon.com/aintslayed or subscribe to Ain’t Slayed Nobody+ at Apple Podcasts. See the show notes for full credits, and help us grow by posting friendly reviews and spreading the word to your friends and followers. Thank you and good luck out there!